Having come of age in the years preceding the proliferation of smartphones, social media, and the internet, I sometimes feel a profound sense of longing for what we’ve lost. I miss the quiet moments of stillness and the simplicity of life. Without incessant distractions or the need to be constantly connected and updated, we had a lot more opportunities to be present in the moment.

We spent a lot more time hanging out and talking, getting to know one another. We tended to be more open with one another, sharing our feelings and aspirations. We went on dates without the constant presence of devices and apps, allowing for more authentic conversations and deeper connections.

Recent generations who have grown up in a culture saturated with technology are less likely to have had the opportunity to nurture these kinds of meaningful connections. Many have been denied the chance to develop the skills and capacities that would enable them to communicate effectively and form deeply meaningful connections with others.

Technology today is ubiquitous; in that it permeates every aspect of our lives. Our smartphones have become our primary relationship. We’re never without our phones and we’re checking them obsessively dozens, if not hundreds of times a day. Many of us feel totally lost without our phones and are spending far more time with them and on our apps than we do with the people in our lives.

We have more ways to connect than ever before with Messenger, WhatsApp, LinkedIn and numerous other apps. We're posting on Facebook and Instagram and responding to other people's posts. We’re texting back and forth, and yet we’re not really spending much time having actual conversations with one another. Many are not even capable of initiating or sustaining any kind of substantive conversation. The connections many of us are supposedly making are superficial and fleeting at best. Even if we become physically intimate with another person, it doesn't mean that we're ever going to see them again.

In many ways, our reliance on smartphones and social media and other apps is making it so much harder for us to connect with one another. We're having all kinds of superficial interactions online, but it's not helping us to establish the deeper and more meaningful connections that would truly nourish us.

Screen time

Figures vary depending on the study and the demographic being studied. The amount of time spent on digital media also varies significantly between individuals, depending on their age, occupation, and other factors. In the United States, the average daily screen time is around seven hours, which includes both digital and non-digital media. Currently, it is estimated that approximately two to four and a half hours are typically spent on social media platforms, such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok.

The questions many of us need to be asking ourselves are: “How is this not an addiction? How can I accomplish anything worthwhile when such a substantial portion of my life is spent plugged into devices and digital media? Is this truly the way I want to be spending my life?”

The distraction-based economy

The success metrics of Google, Facebook and other providers of online content have nothing to do with how productive, focused or fulfilled we are. Their success is based entirely on how much time we spend using their apps or that we're on their websites.

Our response to ads, whether it be through clicks or purchases, generates revenue for Google, Facebook and other online platforms and the advertisers offering goods and services. In essence, the more time we spend online, the more we inadvertently contribute to their profits.

The creators of social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram have designed their apps to be highly customizable, with features that allow us to post photos and videos, interact with others, and create personalized profiles. The algorithms show us content that is likely to be of interest, such as posts from friends and family, as well as personalized news and advertisements. The aim is to leverage our desire for social connection and keep us engaged on the platform. None of this is done for our benefit, but rather to keep us engaged and spending more time on their platforms.

Designed to be highly addictive

Infinite scrolling is a feature commonly used on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and other social media platforms that allows us to continuously browse content without having to manually click or load new pages. Instead, new content is automatically loaded and displayed as we scroll down the page.

Infinite scrolling is one of many design strategies that have been engineered to be addictive. Endless feeds make it challenging for us to break away from social media platforms as they prompt us to keep scrolling indefinitely. The more time we spend on the site, the more ads we're going to see. We're more likely to spend money, which in turn generates more ad dollars for the social media platforms and revenue for the advertisers.

Exploiting the vulnerabilities of our human psychology

The people who have engineered Facebook, Instagram and other social media platforms have made a science out of exploiting the vulnerabilities in our human psychology. To achieve these results, they have constructed a social validation feedback loop. They operate from the premise of “How do we consume as much of your time and attention as possible? To do that, we need to give you a dopamine hit because someone liked or commented on your photo or post, and that's going to get you to contribute more content and get you more likes and comments.”

Our brains release a small amount of dopamine whenever we fulfill some basic need for food, sex, connection, affection or validation. Those repeated hits of dopamine create a positive association with whatever behavior has prompted its release. They also train our brains to repeat these same behaviors. Once this behavioral system gets highjacked, it can compel us to repeat self-destructive behaviors, such as spending hours on our social media apps, even though they're wasting our time and making us unhappy.

Social media apps hijack our basic human need for connection. Our phone's notifications pair sounds and brightly colored notifications with activities such as getting a message from a friend. We start to pair the message icon and tone of the notification with the photos of people we love. That creates an emotional connection to our devices and social media apps, making it difficult for us to disconnect or take breaks. As a result, we start to prioritize the constant need for validation and connection provided by social media over real-life interactions and relationships, leading to a decrease in satisfaction with offline experiences and relationships.

The use of intermittent reinforcement on social media platforms makes it harder for us to stop checking our apps and responding to notifications, as it plays on the uncertainty and unpredictability of the likes, replies and other rewards we receive. The constant need to check for new notifications becomes addictive, as our brains crave the next reward.

The release of dopamine, a feel-good chemical in the brain, is triggered whenever we receive likes and comments on the images and personal details we share on social media. We can easily fall into a cycle of addiction, where we constantly seek validation and social connection through likes and comments. That can create a distorted sense of self-worth and a decrease in satisfaction with offline relationships and real-life experiences.

The illusion of connection

Our digital life creates an illusion of a real connection. All the likes, swipes and messages we receive trigger the release of dopamine, but that doesn't translate into any kind of commitment or bond with another human being. It's essential for us to keep in mind that social media doesn’t necessarily reflect reality. The validation we’re receiving online should not be our primary source of self-worth.

The impact on your relationships

Social media can have positive or negative effects or little to no effect on our relationships. While it can be a useful tool for connecting with others and staying informed, it can also lead to decreased quality time together, feelings of disconnection, and trust issues.

Spending excessive amounts of time on social media platforms, such as Instagram, can have negative impacts on our relationships and emotional wellbeing. Continuously seeing images of seemingly happy, smiling, attractive couples doing all kinds of fun and amazing things can cause us to compare and doubt our own partner and relationship. It may also fuel issues of jealousy and mistrust while feeding into our own sense of inadequacy and low self-esteem.

Some signs that social media is negatively impacting our relationship include repeatedly checking our partner's social media accounts, arguing about social media use, and discovering questionable activities through posts and updates. It is important for us to be mindful of these potential negative effects and to have open and honest communication with our partner about social media use in our relationship.

Body image

Instagram’s feed is filled with images that have been filtered, edited, and curated to present a certain image or ideal. That can exacerbate body image concerns for those of us who feel we have to conform to societal standards of beauty and attractiveness. It's hard to see what's good about ourself and our life when we're so focused on what we don't have.

Comparing our own lives and appearances to the highly polished and edited images we see on Instagram feeds into our own feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. These feelings are often accompanied by physical exhaustion from consistently striving for more in order to reach these ever-changing standards. That can have an especially damaging effect on our emotional wellbeing.

Obsessively scrolling through social media platforms like Instagram can hinder our ability to create authentic relationships with others. Our fears of judgment, criticism and other negative reactions can lead us to alter or filter our true selves, hindering our capacity to connect on a deeper level.

Feeding narcissistic tendencies

Social media amplifies the narcissistic traits in individuals who are already preoccupied with themselves, their image, and their reputation. People possessing these tendencies use social media as a tool to document and promote their lives through selfies, updates, and the information they share about their activities and accomplishments. Social approval and praise comes in the form of likes and comments. Engagement and immediate feedback further fuels their narcissistic tendencies.

Individuals with narcissistic tendencies are preoccupied with showcasing their best selves on social media, while not showing much interest in the wellbeing of others. Their main objective is to increase their social status by gaining more likes and followers. They prioritize gaining a larger audience over fostering deeper connections with others. As a result, their brain adapts to expect rewards in the form of attention and validation, which reinforces their narcissistic tendencies.

Algorithms

Facebook's algorithms prioritize content that generates engagement, such as posts that receive a lot of likes, comments, and shares. This approach can create a cycle of addiction, where users feel compelled to constantly check their news feed for new content and engage with it, leading to more time spent on the platform and more opportunities for the algorithm to show them personalized content.

Social media and other online providers expose us to a wide range of content, including information that is heavily biased or misleading. Much of the content being propagated on Facebook, YouTube and other platforms consists of disinformation. Getting sucked into these distortions can warp our sense of reality and shape our perceptions in ways that are not accurate or healthy.

It’s important for us to be especially mindful of the content we’re consuming, and to be critical of the information we’re being presented. We need to fact-check the content we read, listen for accuracy, and be aware of potential biases. We also need to be mindful of how much time we spend consuming digital media.

Social media's impact on the brain

When we’re on social media, our brains function differently than when we engage in activities that require deep thinking. Social media bombards us with constant distractions and superficial information, making it challenging for our brains to concentrate on a single task for an extended period.

Prolonged screen time can have negative effects on the brain, such as changes in gray and white matter volumes, a heightened risk of mental disorders, and impaired learning and memory. These impacts can lead to a higher risk of cognitive decline and dementia.

Conversely, deep thinking activities such as reading, problem-solving, and reflection provide an essential form of exercise for our brains that helps us to develop our critical thinking faculties. These activities require focus and concentration, which can help us improve our cognitive functions and overall brain health.

Extensive use of technology and limited face-to-face interaction can negatively impact the development of the brain regions responsible for social understanding and connection, such as interpreting nonverbal cues and fostering social connections. This can impede our ability to understand facial expressions, navigate social situations, and maintain meaningful relationships.

Changing the brain's neural networks

Excessive use of smartphone and social media and other digital technology can lead to changes in the brain's neural networks, including alterations in the activity and connections of certain brain regions. These changes affect how our brains process information, and can lead to problems with attention, memory, and decision-making.

Spending excessive amounts of time on our smartphones and social media can also alter our moods and motivation by disrupting the balance of dopamine and other neurotransmitters in the brain. Neurotransmitters firing incorrectly cause changes in brainwave patterns, which can impair brain function and lead to the formation of abnormal pathways.

Our brains process images 60,000 times faster than text, and 90 percent of the information transmitted to the brain is visual. Rather than deep thinking, our brain goes into a reactive mode where it is being conditioned to process large amounts of information at an exceedingly rapid pace.

Scrolling through our social media feeds while jumping from one app, screen and task to another spread our attention too thinly. This “floodlighting” of our attention impedes our ability to fully comprehend and retain information, as our brain is not able to focus on one thing for an extended period of time. That makes it harder for us to process and retain information. Constantly switching between tasks also causes cognitive fatigue, which is detrimental to productivity and overall cognitive function.

Internal process

Now more than ever, social media is playing a larger role in influencing our thoughts and behaviors. It can be difficult for us to step away from its influence and we can easily become overwhelmed by the influx of information that’s constantly being thrown at us. We may struggle with feelings of comparison when scrolling through social media feeds. But these habits don’t have to control how we think or how we make decisions.

When it comes to the way we think and make decisions, our own internal processes of self-reflection, self-examination, self-awareness, and introspection are essential. In order for us to feel in control of our lives and our decisions, we must learn how to make conscious choices from within. We need to develop our own capacity to do the deep level processing of our own life experiences and our corresponding cognitions and emotions.

The need for physical contact

Our increased use of smartphones and social media has led to a decrease in face-to-face interactions and physical contact, which can have negative effects on our mental and emotional well-being. Our lack of meaningful connections and physical touch contribute to our feelings of anxiety, depression, and isolation.

Physical contact, such as a handshake, hug, kiss, or caress, is important for our overall well-being. It helps to nourish us while lowering levels of the stress hormone cortisol. It also encourages the release of oxytocin, which is associated with social bonding, trust, and emotional attachment.

While smartphones and social media have made it easier to stay in touch with people, they have also made it harder for us to have meaningful face-to-face connections. It's important for us to counteract this lack of face time by making a conscious effort to spend quality time with friends and loved ones in person.

Setting healthy limits

Many of us are habitually checking our phones and social media from the moment we wake up, and continuously throughout the day, out of fear of missing out on something important. This constant checking and scrolling leads to hours of wasted time and loss of focus. To break this cycle, it is helpful to take a moment to reflect and ask ourselves, “What can I be doing with my time that is more beneficial, enjoyable, fulfilling or productive?”

Setting boundaries around your use of social media use is an important part of maintaining healthy relationships. That can include agreeing on specific times to be off social media and fully present with your partner, such as during meals or after a certain time in the evening. Taking regular breaks from social media can also help you and your partner to recharge and reconnect with each other.

Setting healthy boundaries will help you manage your use of your devices, social media and other internet sources:

• Decrease the time you spend on your smartphone and social media by setting time limits
• Disable all but the most important notifications on your phone
• Use blocking apps that only allow you to use social media and other non-essential apps at certain times of the day
• Create a schedule for checking and responding to emails
• Take frequent breaks from using devices during the day
• Put your phones on airplane mode during designated times of the day
• Turn off electronic devices during mealtimes
• Avoid scrolling through social media or using electronic devices before going to sleep

©Copyright 2023 Ben Oofana. All Rights Reserved.

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