Being able to work constructively with our emotions is an essential aspect of maintaining a sense of well-being, given that they significantly impact our mental, physical, and spiritual health. The challenge lies in the fact that most people do not possess the understanding or resources that would enable them to effectively manage their emotions.

Our lack of emotional intelligence often contributes to our sense of being overwhelmed and, at times, controlled by our emotions. Avoiding and numbing ourselves to our emotional responses impedes our ability to learn from our life experiences and grow as individuals.

As we develop a greater understanding of and increase our capacity to do the deep level processing of our emotional responses, we gain greater insight, self-awareness and resilience. It also helps us to improve the quality of our relationships and other aspects of our lives.

Models of emotional expression

It’s not surprising that most of us haven’t learned to work constructively with our emotions. We had few, if any, healthy models. Many among us originate from cultures where emotional repression was the norm. Our parents were likely doing the best they could, but they, too, struggled to cope with their own issues and emotions. Our educational system never taught us how to work with our emotions or how to develop other effective coping skills. In many ways, we were left to figure things out on our own.

Because we haven’t learned to work constructively with our emotions, and particularly if we’ve spent our lives disconnecting from what we’re feeling, the way we experience our emotions can be quite unpleasant. As a result, many of us habitually numb ourselves to our emotions by suppressing them. We find all kinds of ways to distract ourselves, such as work, social media, and entertainment. Additionally, we may self-medicate with food or alcohol and other recreational drugs or rely upon pharmaceuticals to mitigate our depression and anxiety.

Childhood

During our childhood, we all dealt with familial dynamics that involved conflict, parental expectations and the restructuring of the family unit if our parents divorced or remarried. Outside of the family, we faced academic challenges, endeavored to form and maintain friendships, cope with peer pressure and navigate various social interactions, which at times left us feeling alone, rejected, and insecure. At some point, we may have experienced profound grief, triggered by the loss of a friend, a family member, or even a beloved pet.

Many of us grew up in dysfunctional families where we endured emotional, physical, and sexual abuse during our childhood and adolescence. We might have experienced abandonment or grown up with alcoholic parents. Additionally, we could have been subjected to bullying and other abuses.

We struggled to identify, understand, and manage our emotional responses. Additionally, we had to find appropriate ways to express what we were feeling. Lacking the understanding or means to cope effectively, we internalized these experiences along with the unpleasant emotional responses we were unable to process.

Adolescence

Adolescence can be an exceptionally challenging period as we become more aware of the world around us. As we strive to form our individual identities, conflicts with our parents often become more pronounced. Our emotional turbulence is further amplified by the hormonal changes we’re going through. Navigating the complexities of newly emerging romantic interests often leads to feelings of confusion, rejection, or loneliness. Struggles with body image, academic performance, and social pressures, coupled with concerns about the future and the pressure to fit in, can intensify our feelings of anxiety, insecurity, and self-doubt.

Lacking the necessary resources

As children, we lacked many of the necessary emotional tools and language to confront the challenges we encountered head-on. Instead, we found ways to avoid our issues, deny or suppress our feelings, and distract ourselves from the pain we were experiencing. These coping mechanism may have provided temporary relief, but in many ways, they hindered our emotional development, and they continue to affect us as adults.

We may have hidden behind a mask, pretending everything was fine to avoid drawing attention to our struggles. We might have also suppressed our emotions, believing that showing vulnerability was a sign of weakness. These coping mechanisms were our way of trying to maintain a sense of control and stability in an often chaotic and unpredictable world. However, this avoidance and suppression only served to bury our emotions deep within ourselves, where they could fester and grow.

As we transitioned into adolescence, our world became even more complex, and our emotions intensified. To cope, we often turned to distractions such as social media, video games, being constantly on the go and excessive partying, seeking temporary escape from our emotional turmoil. While these distractions offered fleeting relief, they also prevented us from developing essential emotional skills such as self-awareness, empathy, and resilience.

Transition into adulthood

Now that we’re adults, these unresolved emotions and underdeveloped emotional and other coping skills continue to impact our lives in various ways. We may struggle with forming deep, meaningful connections with others, as we have not yet learned how to be fully present with our own emotions, let alone those of others. We may find ourselves repeating unhealthy patterns in our relationships, work, or other aspects of our lives, as we have yet to face and heal the underlying emotional wounds.

As we transition into adulthood, we face a multitude of challenges that have a profound impact on our emotional well-being. We are suddenly confronted with a range of new responsibilities, such as securing employment, managing finances, and maintaining relationships. These demands often leave us feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and uncertain about our place in the world.

One of the most significant challenges we face as adults is establishing our identity and sense of self. We grapple with questions of who we are and what we want to achieve in life, which can be both exciting and terrifying. These existential concerns can evoke feelings of insecurity and self-doubt, leading us to seek validation and acceptance from others.

As we navigate the complexities of our adult lives, we also encounter the realities of loss, heartbreak, and failure. These experiences can be incredibly painful, stirring up feelings of grief, disappointment, and anger.

To manage these challenges and the emotions they evoke, we often turn to various coping strategies. Some of us seek solace in the comfort of friends and family, relying on their support and understanding to help us through difficult times. Others may find solace in creative outlets or physical activities that provide an escape from the stresses of daily life.

However, not all coping strategies are healthy or productive. We may at times resort to self-destructive coping mechanisms, such as emotional eating or isolating ourselves from loved ones. While these habits may offer temporary relief, they ultimately prevent us from confronting and addressing the root causes of our emotional struggles.

Similarly, we may find ourselves seeking solace in distractions, such as self-medicating with alcohol and other drugs. While these substances can provide temporary relief from our emotional pain, they often exacerbate our problems in the long run. Substance abuse can lead to addiction, strained relationships, and a host of physical and mental health issues, further impeding our ability to confront and process our emotions.

In our modern world, we are also increasingly drawn to our devices, social media, and incessant texting, which can contribute to the emotional disconnect we experience. The constant bombardment of digital input overloads our system, leaving us feeling frazzled, anxious, and disconnected from our inner selves. By constantly seeking external validation and distraction, we lose touch with our emotional core, preventing us from being present with our feelings.

As a result, we struggle to process our emotions effectively, leading to emotional build-up and potential mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and burnout. Our inability to address and navigate our emotional landscape also impacts our relationships, as we may find it difficult to be emotionally available to those we care about, leading to misunderstandings, unresolved conflicts, and emotional distance.

From childhood through adolescence and into adulthood, avoiding, denying, and suppressing our authentic emotional responses can have a range of harmful consequences on our well-being. Avoiding or numbing ourselves to our emotions prevents us from developing essential coping skills and emotional intelligence. That can lead to a lack of self-awareness and empathy, impairing our ability to cope effectively with the realities of our lives. It can also hinder our ability to form deep, meaningful connections with others.

To cope with the challenges of adulthood in a healthier way, we need to learn how to work constructively with our emotional responses. Doing so allows us to cultivate resilience, self-awareness, and emotional intelligence, equipping us with the necessary tools to navigate life’s challenges with greater ease and authenticity. This, in turn, better prepares us to thrive in the face of adversity.

Our life experiences and subsequent emotional responses need to be digested

Our life experiences and subsequent emotional responses need to undergo a process in which they are thoroughly digested so that we can utilize them as fuel for growth. The impressions of our life experiences and pent-up emotions that we are unable to digest remain trapped within our bodies indefinitely. This prevents us from healing, letting go, and moving on. When this happens, we are unable to learn the crucial life lessons necessary for growth.

The traumas and unprocessed emotions that we hold within ourselves are the driving forces behind our self-destructive behaviors. They fuel our addictions, lead us to form and hold on to attachments with individuals who are not right for us, and keep us trapped in unhealthy relationships. These unprocessed emotions also prompt us to inflict harm upon ourselves, others, and the planet.

We tend to respond to painful life experiences and the emotions they elicit by contracting, both literally and metaphorically. This contraction is experienced physically, as in the tensing of muscles during moments of stress or distress, but it also happens emotionally and psychologically. We might ‘shut down’ or withdraw, attempting to protect ourselves from the pain. We may even suppress or deny these uncomfortable feelings, pushing them into the background in an effort to continue functioning.

Unfortunately, internalizing these painful emotions and stresses can have a detrimental effect on our body-mind connection. Our bodies and minds possess an innate healing intelligence, a natural capacity for self-regulation, resilience, and recovery. This healing intelligence can be thought of as our ability to process experiences, learn from them, and adapt to future challenges.

However, when we suppress or ignore our emotional pain, we interrupt this natural healing process. By not acknowledging these emotions and not allowing ourselves to experience and express them, we disengage from this healing intelligence. This can prevent us from fully processing our experiences and learning from them, leaving unresolved emotions and stresses lingering in our systems.

Over time, these unprocessed emotions can manifest as physical symptoms or lead to various mental health issues, like anxiety or depression. They might also cause us to develop unhealthy coping mechanisms or patterns of behavior. By acknowledging and processing these emotions, we can re-engage our healing intelligence and promote better physical, emotional, and psychological health.

Coping with the stresses of daily life

It’s important for us to be thoroughly digesting the stresses of daily life. Maybe we’re feeling stressed out and frustrated by what’s happening at work. We had a misunderstanding or disagreement with a coworker or friend. We’re struggling to come up with the money for our rent; car payments and other living expenses and it’s leaving us feeling anxious.

Avoiding and numbing ourselves to our authentic emotional responses means that we are suppressing or disregarding our natural reactions to life’s experiences. Avoidance can be achieved through various means, such as distraction, substance use, or even excessive work. When we numb ourselves in this way, we are effectively disconnecting from our feelings and the valuable information they can provide about our wellbeing and our needs.

This disconnection has a significant impact on the body-mind’s capacity to deeply process our life experiences and their associated emotional responses. The body-mind connection is a critical aspect of our overall health and wellbeing, encompassing physical, emotional, and mental health. It’s a complex system that helps us understand and navigate our experiences, learn from them, and adapt to future challenges.

When we limit this connection by avoiding or numbing our emotions, we effectively diminish our ability to process experiences fully. Instead of using our experiences as opportunities for learning and growth, we may find ourselves stuck in unhelpful patterns of behavior or thought. We’re also likely to miss critical signals about our needs and wellbeing.

Over time, suppression or avoidance can create a backlog of all the residual, unprocessed emotions that have accumulated within our bodies. As this happens, our emotional processing capacity becomes limited. We might find ourselves overwhelmed by situations that we previously handled with ease, or unable to move past certain experiences or feelings. This limited processing capacity can also contribute to various mental and physical health issues, as unprocessed emotions and experiences can manifest themselves as stress, anxiety, depression, or even physical symptoms.

By reconnecting with our emotions and allowing ourselves to experience and process them fully, we can improve our body-mind connection, enhance our processing capacity, and promote better overall health and wellbeing.

Devastating losses

Major losses, whether financial, those resulting from wars and natural disasters, or personal such as going through a breakup, divorce, or experiencing the death of a loved one, can be extraordinarily painful.

The initial reaction to such losses is often shock and disbelief. This can cause a sort of emotional paralysis or numbness, a natural protective response that shields us from the full impact of the loss. It can feel as if we’ve been incapacitated, unable to function or even process what has happened.

As this initial shock wears off, grief sets in. Grief is a complex emotional response that can involve a wide range of feelings, including sadness, anger, fear, guilt, and even relief. These feelings can be incredibly intense and can fluctuate rapidly, leaving us feeling as if we’re on an emotional rollercoaster.

During this time, we might find ourselves dropping into dark, contracted emotional spaces. We might feel overwhelmed by our feelings, or like we’re stuck in a dark tunnel with no end in sight. These spaces are often characterized by feelings of despair, loneliness, and a sense of disconnection from the world around us.

Unfortunately, many people get stuck in these dark spaces and never fully recover from their loss. This can be due to a lack of support, unresolved trauma, or a lack of healthy coping mechanisms. These individuals might struggle with long-term mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, or complicated grief, a chronic, heightened state of mourning.

Some people hold on to the hurt and anger, becoming bitter, resentful, and mistrustful. They close their hearts and wall themselves off. And many continue to reenact destructive patterns of abandonment and unrequited love. These patterns become more deeply entrenched with each repeated reenactment. They are not learning or growing from their life experiences.

The healing process

I often encounter individuals who have shut down emotionally due to a lack of understanding and inability to process their emotions. Many were never taught how to navigate their emotional landscape, and as a result, are easily overwhelmed and immobilized by the pain and stress that inevitably come with life’s challenges.

One of the primary goals of the therapeutic work I do is to help these individuals engage constructively with their emotional responses. This involves learning to neutralize and thoroughly digest the trauma and other painful or stressful life experiences that have left a lasting imprint on their emotional and physical wellbeing.

A crucial technique in this process is conscious, deep breathing. By guiding my clients to breathe softly and deeply while fully immersing their awareness within the feelings and bodily sensations connected to their painful experiences, we’re able to start breaking down and digesting their life experiences and subsequent emotional responses.

As this emotional digestion takes place, these individuals become more present within their bodies, creating a greater sense of harmony between their physical and emotional selves. This integration is the first step towards learning and growing from their experiences, instead of being hindered by them.

Over time, this therapeutic process helps these individuals to transform past trauma and their emotional responses into fuel for growth. As they bounce back and become more engaged in their lives, they are no longer held back by unresolved emotions. The oppressive burden of past emotional wounding begins to lift, replaced by a sense of lightness, freedom, and a growing sense of wellbeing. They’re able to move forward with greater resilience and emotional intelligence, and a growing capacity to face whatever life might bring their way.

Essential Daily practice

We all face challenges in our lives. What matters most is how we handle them. It’s important to make time daily to become fully present, acknowledging our internal responses to what’s happening in our lives. Here are the essential steps:

• Bring any person, situation or issue concerning you into the forefront of your awareness
• Allow yourself to fully experience any emotions or physical sensations that arise in response to any person, situation or the issues concerning you
• Notice where these feelings are situated within your body
• Fully immerse your awareness in the depths of these feelings and bodily sensations.
• Breathe softly and deeply as you continue to center your awareness in the depths of these feelings and bodily sensations.
• Continue to follow these feelings and bodily sensations as they go through their progression

Necessary interventions

We internalize the emotions and stresses we experience, along with the energies of other people and the physical spaces we inhabit. When we’re not able to digest these experiences, they create a heavy, stagnant residue that accumulates within our bodies. This buildup impacts our overall health as it manifests in the cells, tissues, and organs of our bodies.

Deep tissue massage, Rolfing, and other forms of intensive bodywork can help to dislodge the emotions that we’re holding within our bodies. By breathing softly and deeply, and fully immersing our awareness in the emotions that surface as a result of the bodywork, we can process these feelings more effectively.

Just as food that we forget about, only to discover weeks or months later in the back of our refrigerator, breaks down and putrefies over time, so do the emotions that remain trapped within our bodies for indefinite periods. Our bodies cannot process putrefied food. Similarly, our body and mind struggle to digest the putrefied emotional residue that has remained within us for too long.

For quite some time, I struggled with the trauma that carried over from my childhood and adolescence. This trauma kept getting reinforced, as the same patterns were continually reenacted in my attempts to maintain an intimate relationship. After a while, I realized that there are aspects of our healing process that we simply cannot fully accomplish on our own.

In my late twenties, I had the opportunity to work with a number of gifted healers. During the individual healing sessions, I could feel the past traumas and the stagnant emotional residue that had held within my body being transformed. However, the problem was that there were very few healers working at this level, and I seldom had the chance to work with them.

At the age of thirty-one, I began returning to the Wichita Mountains to partake in the vision quest, a traditional Native American healing practice. This practice involves fasting alone in the mountains for four days and nights without food or water. During these vision quests, there were times when I could feel an extraordinarily powerful presence working within my body. This presence healed and then transformed the stress, stagnant emotional residue, and trauma that I had held within my body. As this happened, I could feel the previously deeply wounded, numbed, and deadened parts of myself coming back to life and then being assimilated. I could also feel this presence building a whole new foundation within me.

For years, I trained with Horace Daukei, one of the last surviving traditional doctors (medicine men) among the Kiowa Indian tribe. Like the traditional native doctors who came before me, I act as a conduit, allowing an extraordinarily powerful presence to work through me to facilitate healing within people’s bodies and minds. Those who have the opportunity to work with me individually experience the same kind of healing that I undergo whenever I go through the vision quest.

What I’m emphasizing in this section is that the practice I’m sharing with you in this chapter is a critical part of our daily healing process. However, there are also limits to our body and mind’s innate healing capabilities. Thus, we need to incorporate the most powerfully effective healing interventions to facilitate the healing that we cannot fully achieve on our own.

Deepen your breathing

Many of us fall into a pattern of shallow breathing, where our breath originates high up in our chest rather than from deeper within our lungs. This form of breathing isn’t optimal as it doesn’t provide our bodies with the necessary amount of oxygen, which is essential for various bodily functions, including those related to emotional processing.

When we breathe in this shallow manner, it not only deprives our bodies of sufficient oxygen, but it also negatively affects our ability to process our life experiences and the emotional responses that arise from them. Breathing deeply and fully has been linked to the activation of the body’s relaxation response, providing a sense of calm and enabling more effective emotional processing. Breathing softly and deeply also engages the innate healing intelligence residing within our body and mind. Shallow breathing, on the other hand, keeps us in a state of physiological stress, obstructing the process of fully experiencing and digesting our emotions.

Over time, if we continue to breathe shallowly and fail to fully process our emotional experiences, the unprocessed emotions and stress accumulate within our bodies. This accumulation can manifest in various ways, such as tension in our muscles, a sense of feeling ‘stuck’, and even contributing to symptoms of anxiety and depression. It creates an emotional backlog that continues to grow as long as we persist in this pattern of shallow breathing and inadequate emotional processing.

It’s important for you to be especially mindful of your breathing. Make a conscious effort to breathe softly, slowly, and deeply, filling your lungs by inhaling all the way down to your abdomen and expanding your rib cage. Take in as much air as you can without forcing it. Center your awareness on any emotions or physical sensations that arise as you continue to breathe softly and deeply.

As you cultivate this practice of deep, mindful breathing while focusing on the feelings and bodily sensations, you’ll notice they tend to evolve and shift over time. These changes may be subtle or more pronounced, depending on the depth and intensity of the emotions or sensations you’re working with.

With each breath you take, direct your awareness to these feelings and sensations. As you breathe into them, they might intensify, transform, or perhaps even dissolve. You might experience an emotional release, or a physical sensation may shift, indicating a release of stored tension. This is the body’s way of processing and letting go of what it no longer needs to hold on to.

It’s crucial to follow these feelings and sensations throughout their progression. This act of continuous attention and presence can be seen as accompanying your emotions and sensations on their journey. It’s a process of immersion without attempting to control or force a particular outcome. Remember, the aim is not to rid yourself of these feelings or sensations, but rather to provide them with the space to express, transform, and ultimately heal.

Staying with the process requires patience and compassion. You might encounter resistance or discomfort. When this happens, breathe with your awareness centered within the resistance or discomfort you’re experiencing, using it as a means of becoming more fully present. Over time, this practice will not only help in processing emotions and sensations, but also foster a deeper connection with yourself, enhancing your resilience and ability to navigate life’s many challenges.

You can’t heal what you don’t feel

It’s not uncommon for individuals to fear their own emotions. This fear often stems from a worry about what they might discover if they delve into their emotional depths. There’s a common apprehension that if they allow themselves to feel deeply, their emotions might overwhelm or consume them. This fear is often vocalized in phrases like “Don’t go there.”

However, this fear-driven avoidance of emotions hampers personal growth and healing. Healing begins with feeling, and one cannot heal what they refuse to acknowledge or feel. It’s essential to venture into those parts of our psyche where vulnerability lies, even though it may be uncomfortable or frightening. By courageously confronting and embracing these vulnerable parts of ourselves, we allow them to heal.

As we learn to sit with our emotions, to feel them without judgement, we begin to understand that they will not overtake us. Instead, they offer us insight into our deepest selves. They become less scary and more informative. This brave exploration of our emotional landscape can lead to profound personal growth, heightened self-awareness, and a more fulfilling life. It allows the healing process to take place, helping us move past emotional hurdles and towards a healthier relationship with ourselves, other people, and the world in which we live.

Bridging the gaps

When we shut down emotionally, it’s as though parts of our very selves are shut down too. This creates gaps and disconnects between our intellectual understanding, our emotional experience, and our physical bodies. We become less integrated, less whole. This disconnection severs us from various parts of ourselves, leading to a sense of fragmentation within our psyche and our bodies.

These gaps manifest in various ways. They can create voids in our relationships, leading to misunderstandings, conflicts, and emotional distance. The emotional deficits that arise from these gaps can significantly compromise our ability to form deep, meaningful bonds with others, impacting our capacity to be a compassionate and understanding companion.

These gaps can become filled with a myriad of unprocessed emotions, such as hurt, fear, and anger. These emotions manifest themselves in our actions and words, sometimes causing harm to those around us. They diminish our capacity to express love, understand others, and empathize with their experiences. We struggle to be truly present with our partners or other people in our lives because we are not truly present with ourselves.

What’s more, our emotional wounding and these gaps in our self-awareness blind us to our actions and their impact. We don’t fully comprehend the hurtful things we’re saying and doing or understand how our words and actions affect our partners and other people we interact with.

But it’s important to remember that these gaps can be bridged, these wounds can be healed. By working constructively with our emotions, we can reconnect with the fragmented parts of ourselves, become more self-aware, and transform our relationships. This kind of inner work requires courage and patience, but the rewards – greater self-understanding, improved relationships, and a more integrated sense of self – are well worth the effort.

Freeing ourselves from destructive patterns

When we find ourselves in a cycle of harmful relationships, where we are repeatedly abandoned, rejected, or entangled with narcissistic partners who mistreat us, cheat on us, or struggle with addictions, the pain from these experiences can feel overwhelming. If we suppress our feelings in response to these experiences, all the associated pain becomes trapped within us. Rather than being processed and released, it stagnates and festers.

This trapped pain can reinforce and even deepen the harmful patterns that lead us into these painful situations. Each time we find ourselves reenacting these pattern – entering another harmful relationship, experiencing similar hurts – we are essentially reinforcing the patterns, causing them to become even more entrenched within our psyche. That keeps us stuck in a self-perpetuating cycle of pain and disappointment.

However, it’s crucial to understand that these patterns are not inevitable. They can be dismantled, and the pain can be healed. By consciously working with our emotions, by allowing ourselves to feel and process the pain rather than suppressing it, we can begin to free ourselves from these destructive cycles. This emotional work can help us understand why we fall into these patterns, what we’re seeking in these destructive relationships, and how we can seek it in healthier ways.

Over time, as we continue to work with our emotions, we can find healthier ways to meet our needs and form healthier, more fulfilling relationships. It’s an ongoing process of self-discovery and healing that requires courage, patience, and persistence.

You’re not trying to change the feelings or make them go away

In this practice, it’s important to remember that the goal isn’t to change or dismiss the feelings that arise. Instead, you’re encouraging an environment of acceptance and openness towards whatever emotions emerge. You’re allowing yourself to truly feel and experience them without judgement or resistance.

This might seem counterintuitive, especially if the feelings are uncomfortable or painful. But by acknowledging these emotions, by letting yourself honestly feel them, you’re honoring your authentic experience. This can be a powerful form of self-compassion and acceptance.

It’s like inviting your feelings to a conversation where they are the main focus, and you are the listener. You’re not trying to control the narrative, offer advice, or fix anything – you’re simply there to acknowledge and validate.

As you continue to breathe softly and deeply, center your awareness on these feelings. Let them exist, let them move, and let them change naturally. This act of conscious feeling can lead to a deeper understanding of your emotional landscape and foster a sense of inner peace, even amidst discomfort.

Remember, this is a process that takes time. It’s okay if it feels challenging at first. The key is to remain patient and kind to yourself, nurturing a sense of curiosity and non-judgment about your experiences. As you cultivate this practice, you’ll develop a greater capacity to handle emotional discomfort and build resilience for future challenges.

Immersion

The practice I’m sharing with you is a more immersive and engaged form of meditation. Rather than observing your feelings from a detached perspective, like an outsider looking in, you’re choosing to dive in and experience your emotions firsthand.

You’re fully immersing your awareness within the depths of any feelings or sensations that arise. This might feel like swimming in the ocean of your emotions, allowing yourself to be moved by the currents of feelings and sensations. Instead of standing on the shore, you’re choosing to explore the depth and breadth of your emotional waters.

This form of deep emotional engagement allows you to fully experience your feelings, not just as transient mental states, but as embodied sensations. As you continue to breathe softly and deeply, your body may start to respond to these emotions, often leading to a physical manifestation of the emotions you’re processing.

You might feel a tightness in your chest, a warmth in your abdomen, or a tingling in your hands. These sensations are an integral part of this immersive practice. By acknowledging and experiencing these physical responses, you’re allowing a deeper processing and understanding of your emotions.

It’s a courageous act to allow yourself to be fully present and engaged with your emotions in such an intimate way. It’s important to remember to approach this practice with a sense of compassion and patience towards yourself, as it can be intense and challenging at times. Yet, the insights and healing that can come from this depth of engagement are profoundly transformative.

A doorway into the subconscious mind

Our feelings and bodily sensations can be thought of as messengers from our subconscious mind. They often carry vital information about our internal state and the way we’re responding to our environment, including our past experiences and our deepest needs, fears, and desires.

Our subconscious mind communicates with us through the language of emotions and physical sensations. When we experience something, it’s not just processed on a cognitive level. It also resonates within us on an emotional and physical level. For example, feelings of anxiety might manifest as a churning sensation in our stomach, or sadness might manifest as a heaviness in our chest.

By paying close attention to our feelings and bodily sensations, we can gain a deeper understanding of what’s happening beneath the surface of our conscious mind. These sensations and feelings can serve as a doorway into our subconscious, giving us insights that our conscious mind might overlook or ignore.

This process requires a certain level of mindfulness and self-awareness. When we tune into our bodily sensations and emotions with an attitude of openness and curiosity, we can begin to decipher the messages from our subconscious mind. We can learn more about our deeply held beliefs, our past traumas, and our emotional patterns. This can then provide a foundation for deeper self-understanding and healing.

In essence, by fully immersing our awareness within our feelings and bodily sensations, we can connect with and understand our subconscious mind more deeply. This connection allows us to process and integrate past experiences, and promotes growth, healing, and a greater level of emotional intelligence.

Becoming permeable

When the feelings that arise seem overwhelming or too intense, envisioning yourself as permeable can be a helpful technique. By becoming permeable, you visualize yourself as a conduit rather than a container for your emotions. This means you’re not holding onto the feelings, but rather allowing them to flow through you.

To do this, imagine your body softening and opening up, as if it were porous. This doesn’t mean pushing the feelings out, but rather releasing any tension or resistance that might be preventing the feelings from flowing naturally. It’s about surrendering to the process and trusting that you can handle the emotional experience.

This practice of becoming permeable can help you manage the intensity of the feelings. As you allow the feelings to flow through you, you might notice them changing or evolving. They might become less intense or less distressing. They might even morph into a different emotion altogether. This is part of the process of emotional digestion—allowing feelings to change and evolve naturally, rather than getting stuck or repressed.

Through this practice, you may find that your anxiety or distress diminishes. You might start to feel calmer, more grounded, or more at peace. Remember, though, that the goal isn’t to force the feelings to change, but rather to create a space where they can move and transform naturally. Over time, this practice can foster a greater capacity to cope with intense emotions, leading to increased emotional resilience and wellbeing.

Walking meditation

Another way to diffuse the intensity when you’re overwhelmed by strong emotions is to immerse yourself in any feelings or bodily sensations that arise as you take long, slow walks. Choose a peaceful location if possible – a quiet neighborhood, a park, or a trail. The fresh air and open space can offer a sense of expansiveness that helps to counteract the constrictive nature of intense emotions.

As you walk, continue to breathe softly and deeply, filling your lungs completely and exhaling fully. This mindful breathing can help you to maintain a calm and centered state of mind, which can make it easier for you to process your feelings.

While walking, center your awareness on the feelings that arise within you. As before, imagine yourself as permeable, allowing these emotions to flow through you rather than becoming stuck. The physical act of walking can metaphorically represent the process of moving through your emotions, rather than getting stuck in them.

As you walk, breathe, and allow your feelings to flow, you may find that the intensity of the emotions begins to lessen. You might also notice that you feel more grounded and present in your body. The combination of movement, mindful breathing, and emotional awareness can be a powerful tool for managing and processing intense emotions. Remember, it’s not about pushing the emotions away or trying to change them, but rather creating a supportive environment in which they can move and evolve naturally.

Bringing your practice into your everyday interactions

I encourage you to do this practice while sitting with your eyes closed. Make time to do this practice on a daily basis. I like to do at least two hours of intensive daily practice. More practice is better. Do at least fifteen to twenty minutes if that’s all the time you have. Gradually increase the duration of your practice.

It’s not always convenient to sit with your eyes closed. You’re going to miss out on a lot of valuable opportunities to do much of the essential work that needs to be done, if you have to wait till you can find a quiet place to sit with your eyes closed,

There are going to be times when you find yourself in a situation or in the midst of an interaction that is triggering you emotionally. In these instances, it’s important for you to feel yourself becoming more present in your body and all its feelings and sensations. Breathing into the feelings and bodily sensations as they arise amid whatever is happening can enable you to become more fully aware of your body and mind, your immediate environment, and your interactions.

Working with this practice will increase your capacity to stay present in the midst of any interaction you’re having or whatever else you’re doing while simultaneously processing your emotional responses to what’s happening.

Working with this practice will in some instances help to diffuse a tense situation or another person’s or people’s emotional reaction. As you go into a deeper state, you will draw the people around you deeper into their own feelings and physical bodies. As you’re processing your own emotional responses, you’ll be helping the other person or people with whom you’re interacting to do so as well. It’s not going to work with everyone, but it will work with people who are more empathetic and those you have an emotional bond with and even more so if they are receptive.

A deeper level of honesty

The practice of fully immersing your awareness in the depths of your feelings and bodily sensations is fundamentally about fostering a deeper level of honesty and authenticity in your life. It involves the courageous act of facing your feelings, no matter how uncomfortable, rather than avoiding or suppressing them. It’s about acknowledging what’s truly happening within you, moment to moment, without judgment or resistance.

When you allow yourself to fully experience your emotions, you’re embracing authenticity. You’re giving yourself permission to feel what you truly feel, rather than what you think you ‘should’ feel. This might mean acknowledging pain, grief, or fear that you’ve been avoiding, or it could mean allowing yourself to fully experience joy, love, or excitement that you’ve been holding back.

Moreover, being deeply honest with yourself about your feelings leads to greater self-understanding. You start to recognize patterns in your emotional responses, understand your triggers, and gain insight into your needs and desires. This deeper self-awareness enables you to make choices that are more aligned with your true self, leading to a more authentic way of living.

In addition, living with this level of honesty and authenticity also influences your relationships. When you are honest with yourself about your feelings, you’re better equipped to express your emotional truth to others. This can lead to deeper connections, improved communication, and greater mutual understanding.

Thus, this practice is not just about processing emotions; it’s a pathway towards living a more authentic, self-aware, and connected life.

Gaining clarity, insight and understanding

Our emotional responses are not always proportionate to the events that trigger them, and this is largely because they are often influenced by our past experiences, particularly those that involved pain, fear, or insecurity. These past experiences can shape our emotional responses, leading us to react in ways that may seem irrational in the current context.

When we work constructively with our emotions, we begin to understand that they are not merely responses to our present circumstances but are also deeply influenced by our past. This understanding can help us to diffuse our reactivity, which is the tendency to respond to situations based on our conditioned emotional patterns rather than based on the current reality.

Constructive emotional work can also dispel confusion and misunderstanding. Emotions can cloud our judgement, making it difficult to see situations clearly. By acknowledging and processing our emotions, we can begin to see past our emotional reactions and gain a clearer, more accurate understanding of our experiences.

Moreover, working constructively with our emotions can provide valuable insights. It can help us to understand why we respond to certain situations the way we do, and to identify the past experiences that have shaped these responses. This understanding can be incredibly empowering. It can help us to address past hurts and fears, to foster emotional growth, and to develop healthier, more adaptive emotional responses.

In short, by working constructively with our emotions, we can transform them from confusing and often disruptive forces into powerful tools for self-understanding, personal growth, and emotional well-being.

Harnessing the transformative power of your emotions

As you continue to engage regularly with this practice, your ability to contain and navigate through powerful emotions will strengthen. Instead of being overwhelmed or consumed by your emotions, you’ll notice an increasing capacity to process these emotional responses. You can then harness them as a catalyst for personal growth and channel the energy they carry into pursuits you are passionate about. Your emotions transform into a wellspring of inspiration and creativity, enriching your life with depth and dynamism.

Moreover, as you develop a deeper understanding and acceptance of your own emotions, you also enhance your ability to empathize with others, deepening your interpersonal relationships. You’ll find that your emotions, once a source of confusion or distress, can now serve as a powerful tool for connecting more authentically with yourself and the people around you. This emotional awareness, paired with the ability to process your feelings effectively, paves the way for more fulfilling, emotionally balanced interactions and relationships.

A catalyst for growth

Suppressing our emotions does more than just burying them; it stunts our emotional and personal development. This suppression creates gaps in our self-perception, creating blind spots that can lead to a disconnect between our intellectual self, our subconscious, and our physical body. It’s like trying to navigate the world with a critical part of our senses switched off. We may continue to function, but our understanding and response to the world around us are compromised.

However, when we shift our approach and begin to work constructively with our emotions, we stimulate not just our emotional understanding, but also our intellectual development. Acknowledging, feeling, and processing our emotions can help us mature on multiple levels.

As we delve into our emotional landscape, we develop a depth of character that comes from understanding ourselves in a more profound way. Our empathy grows as we recognize similar emotions in others, and compassion blossoms from the realization that we all carry emotional burdens. We’re better equipped to understand not only our own reactions and behaviors but also those of others.

This deeper understanding of the self and others can lead to improved relationships, a clearer sense of purpose, and a more fulfilling life. It’s not always an easy journey, but the rewards of this emotional work are significant and lasting.

Overcoming adversity

There will be times when things don’t seem to be working in your favor and you feel discouraged, disheartened, and even like giving up. These feelings are, at times, a normal part of life here on planet Earth. Yet, it’s in these moments that the practice of immersing your awareness in your emotions and bodily sensations is critical.

When you’re feeling as though you’re up against the wall, that your life isn’t working, and that you want to say, “fuck it,” and walk away, take a moment to breathe softly and deeply. Fully immerse your awareness in the feelings of discouragement, frustration, or despair. Rather than trying to avoid or push the feelings away, allow yourself to feel these emotions in their entirety…

It will take some time, but as you continue to breathe into these feelings, you’ll find that they start to shift and evolve. What often happens is that you begin to feel an emanation of strength or determination arising from within that you hadn’t felt before. This inner resilience and determination will provide you with the internal resources you need to continue on your journey.

It’s through overcoming challenges and persevering in the face of adversity that you grow stronger and become more resilient. By processing these difficult emotions and learning from them, you can find the strength within to press forward, no matter the circumstances. This is the transformative power of working constructively with our emotions.

Gaining a clear sense of purpose and direction

Our emotions serve as a vital bridge connecting us to our deeper needs and desires. They act as a compass, guiding us towards the things that resonate with our true selves and away from what doesn’t. When we suppress our emotions or disconnect from them, we risk losing touch with this internal guidance system. As a result, we might feel adrift, lacking a clear sense of purpose, motivation, or drive.

However, when we actively engage with our emotions and work constructively with them, we can tap into a deeper, more instinctual part of ourselves. By honoring and expressing our feelings, we open ourselves up to a richer understanding of our needs, desires, and passions.

As we deepen our relationship with our emotions, we begin to feel a growing sense of clarity about what truly matters to us. We gain insights into what we need to do or change in order to align our lives more closely with our authentic selves. This process ignites a passion within us, providing the momentum needed to pursue our deepest desires and fulfill our life’s purpose.

This is not a quick or easy process, and yet it is incredibly rewarding. As we continue to work with our emotions, we can discover a sense of purpose and drive that feels deeply resonant and fulfilling. It enables us to tap into a wellspring of life force and motivation within ourselves, fueling us to pursue our passions with determination.

Being true to ourselves

When we’re in tune with our deepest passions and actively engaged in fulfilling our life’s purpose, we are embodying our most authentic selves. This authenticity is magnetic; it not only enriches our lives but also attracts others who appreciate and resonate with our true selves.

Living authentically means honoring our unique path and making decisions that align with our deepest values and desires. It’s about being true to ourselves, even when it might be easier to conform to external expectations or societal norms. Authenticity breeds self-confidence, peace, and fulfillment, as we are no longer striving to fit into someone else’s mold but are instead celebrating our individuality.

Moreover, when we live authentically, we are more likely to attract a partner who values us for who we truly are. This authenticity helps to cultivate a deeper connection and healthier attachment, as we are not pretending to be someone we’re not but are presenting our genuine selves. The resonance that stems from two authentic individuals coming together comprises an essential part of the foundation of a strong, fulfilling relationship. We experience this resonance on a deeper, more meaningful level that aligns with our core values and aspirations.

In essence, by living true to ourselves and pursuing our deepest passions, we create a life that is not only personally fulfilling but also opens the pathway to forming healthier, more harmonious relationships.

Deepening connections

When we engage in this kind of deep emotional work, the benefits extend far beyond ourselves. As we cultivate a deeper understanding of our own feelings and experiences, we naturally become more empathetic to the experiences of others, including animals. We can better sense their emotions and become more attuned to their needs. This sense of connection extends beyond other beings and can lead us to feel a greater affinity with the Earth as a whole.

As our connection to the planet deepens, we become more conscious of our actions and their impact on the environment. We understand that our well-being is interconnected with the well-being of the planet, and this realization enables us to become more responsible stewards of the Earth. We adopt more sustainable practices, advocate for environmental causes, and strive to leave a positive impact on our planet.

Moreover, our capacity for love—both giving and receiving—expands. We become more open to genuine connections, fostering deeper and more fulfilling relationships with those around us. Our compassion grows, and we develop the capacity to truly care for others—not out of obligation, but out of genuine empathy and understanding. This altruistic capacity is a natural outcome of working constructively with our emotions.

In essence, this emotional work not only facilitates personal growth and emotional resilience but also fosters a sense of interconnectedness and responsibility that can transform our relationships, our interactions with the natural world, and our contributions to society.

©Copyright 2023 Ben Oofana. All Rights Reserved.

When you’re ready, I have 3 ways I can help you to heal your heartache and attract more love into your life and cocreate more meaningful and deeply fulfilling relationships.
1. Click here to grab your free copy of my eBook – The Essentials Of Getting Over Your Breakup And Moving On
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3. Work with me individually Are you in the midst of a breakup, struggling with patterns of abandonment or unrequited love, or facing challenges in your current relationship and would like to work directly with me, email me at ben@benoofana.com. For faster response, call me at (332) 333-5155.