Many of us carry deep emotional wounds that stem from having grown up in dysfunctional families, the losses and traumas we've endured, spending much of our lives in unfulfilling jobs, or following a life path that is in no way aligned with our true selves. We don't like how we feel on the inside, so we end up suppressing our emotional responses. It's this combination of life experiences and disconnection from our authentic emotional responses that leaves us with a profound sense of an inner void.

We try to insulate ourselves emotionally. But there are times in our lives when we experience an acute sense of the void: moving to a new city where we don't know anyone, the loss of a job that leaves us struggling financially, the ending of a relationship that finds us alone, or the death of a loved one. These situations, and the emotions that arise from them, can be especially unsettling.

Being present with our inner void can at times feel uncomfortable, but it can result in enormous personal and spiritual growth, improved relationships, emotional resilience, and increased self-understanding. Rather than viewing the void as something to be feared or avoided, we can learn to see it as an opportunity for growth and transformation.

Why we try so hard to fill the void

We try to fill the void for a multitude of reasons. Perhaps we're grappling with problems we don't know how to solve, or nursing emotional wounds we don't know how to heal. It could be that we're experiencing inner pain, discomfort, or a haunting sense of shame and inadequacy, making us feel as if we are somehow defective. We may struggle to cope with these feelings, yearning for relief. Ultimately, our common desire is for the pain to cease.

Distracting and numbing ourselves to fill the void

The void within can be an uncomfortable, even scary, place to confront, and we have a variety of strategies to resist or avoid it. These strategies might provide temporary relief, but they often prevent us from confronting and addressing the underlying issues that the void represents. Understanding and acknowledging these avoidance strategies is the first step towards embracing and exploring the void within.

Social media platforms offer a sense of connection and engagement, which can temporarily alleviate our feelings of emptiness or loneliness. It also provides a constant stream of novelty, entertainment, and distraction. However, heavy social media use can also lead to comparisons with others, which might exacerbate our feelings of emptiness or inadequacy. Moreover, any connections formed on social media are typically less satisfying than in-person relationships, potentially leading to a cycle of increased usage and persistent feelings of emptiness.

Immersing oneself in news, television, and movies can serve as a distraction from feelings of emptiness. Engaging in these activities allows us to temporarily inhabit other realities, thus providing an escape from our internal struggles. The constant influx of new information can also keep our minds busy, preventing introspection and self-reflection.

Food, especially comfort foods rich in sugar, fat, or salt, can trigger feelings of satisfaction and pleasure in the short term. Eating can be a sensory experience that distracts us from our underlying emotional discomfort or emptiness. That can easily lead to overeating, emotional eating, and in some cases, eating disorders.

Alcohol, drugs, and other substances serve as a convenient means of escape. They provide a temporary reprieve from feelings of emptiness or discomfort by altering our state of consciousness. These substances can stimulate the release of dopamine, serotonin, and other neurotransmitters that make us feel good temporarily. However, reliance on these substances to fill an inner void can lead to addiction and other negative health consequences.

In our attempt to fill the emotional void, many of us turn to consumerism, a behavior that's been strongly reinforced for decades through sophisticated advertising campaigns that link our most basic needs with the products they're attempting to sell us. Shopping and acquiring new things can offer a fleeting sense of fulfillment and even euphoria. For a moment, it distracts us from the discomfort or emptiness we feel inside. But as the novelty wears off, we're often left feeling even emptier than before.

When spirituality or religion becomes a means of avoiding difficult emotions and realities, it can lead to a disconnection from oneself. By not acknowledging and processing our true feelings, we can become estranged from our authentic emotional selves. Over time, this avoidance can compound our emotional issues, leading to a deeper void within, unprocessed trauma, and possible projection of these unresolved issues onto others.

Other distractions and numbing agents might include excessive work, physical exercise, gaming, or shopping. While these activities can be beneficial in moderation, they can also be used as ways to avoid addressing our feelings of emptiness or discomfort. Over time, our avoidance can prevent us from addressing the root causes of our emotional discomfort, which could lead to burnout, financial problems, or other negative outcomes.

While these activities may provide temporary relief from the discomfort associated with the void, they usually don't address the underlying issues that are causing the emptiness. Instead, they mask or numb our discomfort, often leading to a cycle of dependency. Embracing the void, on the other hand, involves facing these feelings directly and working through them, which is a more sustainable and healthy approach to dealing with inner emptiness.

The damaging consequences of filling the void

Our attempts to fill the inner void can lead to a wide range of destructive consequences:

Addictions: Constantly seeking external means to fill the void can lead to addictive behaviors. This includes addiction to substances like alcohol and other recreational drugs, caffeine, and food, but also behavioral addictions like compulsive shopping, gambling, workaholism, or overuse of digital media.

Mental Health Issues: The constant avoidance of inner emptiness can contribute to anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. It can create a cycle of denial and avoidance that exacerbates these conditions.

Relationship Strain: If we're using relationships to fill the void, it can place a significant strain on our partners and can lead to codependency. We may expect our partners to fulfill all our emotional needs, which is unrealistic and unfair.

Emotional Disconnection: By constantly avoiding or numbing the void, we might lose touch with our feelings and desires. This emotional disconnection can make it harder for us to form authentic relationships and to know ourselves deeply.

Financial Stress: Compulsive shopping, gambling, or other attempts to fill the void can lead to financial difficulties. This can add significant stress to our lives and might even lead to bankruptcy in extreme cases.

Physical Health Problems: Overindulgence in food, alcohol, or drugs can lead to a host of health problems, including obesity, liver disease, heart disease, and more.

Stagnation: When we're continually trying to fill the void, we can lose sight of our personal growth and development. This can lead to a feeling of being stuck or not progressing in life.

Lack of Fulfillment: The constant chase for external sources of fulfillment can leave us feeling perpetually unsatisfied. We might achieve temporary relief, but the underlying void remains.

Dissociation from Self: If we are always looking outside ourselves to fill the void, we risk losing touch with who we truly are. We can become disconnected from our values, beliefs, and personal identity.

Facing and embracing the void, while challenging, can help us to break these destructive patterns. It offers a path towards self-understanding, healing, growth, and genuine fulfillment.

Our doorway into the void

Silence and stillness allow us to slow down, pay attention, and turn inward. They create the conditions under which we can acknowledge and explore our inner void, which is the first step towards understanding, accepting, and eventually transforming it. Being in silence and becoming still allows us to cultivate a deep sense of presence and awareness, which can facilitate a meaningful encounter with the void within.

Noise, whether physical or mental, often distracts us from our internal world. Silence, on the other hand, opens up a space for introspection and for feelings, thoughts, and sensations to surface and be acknowledged. This receptivity is critical for beginning to engage with the void within, which may often be filled with unrecognized emotions and unmet needs.

In our busy, fast-paced lives, we're often physically and mentally restless, preoccupied with countless tasks and worries. Stillness, however, promotes a state of presence in which we become more aware of our internal state, moment by moment. In this way, stillness can help us become more conscious of our inner void and the feelings or desires that might reside there.

By becoming quiet and still, we create an inner environment where we can more easily turn towards our inner void, rather than away from it. With practice, we can learn to sit with this emptiness, to explore its contours, and to understand what it means for us. In doing so, we might discover deep-seated feelings, buried memories, or unmet needs — understanding that can be crucial for our personal growth and healing.

Immersing yourself in the void

Embracing the void means confronting your inner emptiness or discomfort directly rather than trying to avoid or numb it. This process involves self-awareness, introspection, and often, the courage to face and understand your vulnerabilities. Here are some steps to consider:

• Tune into your body and all its physical sensations and any feelings that arise
• Notice where these feelings and sensations are situated within your body
• Breathe softly and deeply as you fully immerse your awareness in the depths of these feelings and bodily sensations
• Your feelings and bodily sensations will go through a series of changes as you continue to breathe into them. Continue to follow these feelings and sensations as they go through their progression

Embracing the void facilitates emotional growth and resilience; it enables us to confront our fears and insecurities directly, rather than avoiding or suppressing them. By being present with our fears, we can work through them, and in doing so, we develop greater emotional resilience. In this way, we learn to navigate our feelings and emotional states effectively.

Why it’s so important for us to embrace the void

Embracing the void within can lead to a profound journey of self-discovery. As we become more in tune with our inner selves, we'll uncover hidden emotions, aspirations, or elements of our personality. This increased self-awareness can help us to understand ourselves better, to grow as individuals, and to make more conscious decisions aligned with our true values and desires.

By opening ourselves up to the void within, we develop the capacity to better understand and manage our emotions. This emotional intelligence enables us to respond to life's challenges with greater resilience and emotional balance. It also improves our relationships as we become more empathetic and attuned to the emotions of others.

When we're comfortable with our own void, we are less likely to seek validation from others or to use relationships as a means to escape our inner emptiness. This can lead to healthier, more balanced relationships that are based on genuine connection rather than neediness or dependency.

Learning to be present with the void can lead to a profound sense of inner peace. Instead of constantly trying to fill or escape the emptiness, we can simply be with it, accepting it as part of our human experience. This acceptance can bring a sense of tranquility and contentment.

Many artists and creatives have reported that their most profound ideas and inspiration come from periods of quiet introspection and openness to the void within. By embracing the void, we might unlock a wellspring of creativity.

Many spiritual traditions recognize the void as a pathway to deep insight and connection. By being present with the void, we can cultivate a sense of connection with something larger than ourselves, whether that be nature, the universe, or a sense of divinity.

By familiarizing ourselves with the void and learning to be comfortable in it, we develop a greater capacity to navigate life's many challenges. We become less reliant on external circumstances for our happiness and more able to find contentment within.

Embracing the void can deepen our capacity for mindfulness and presence. Instead of being caught up in the past or future, or swept away by distractions, we can become more fully engaged with the present moment.

Remember, embracing the void within is not a one-time event, but a continuous journey of self-discovery and personal growth. It can be challenging, but the benefits can be profound and transformative.

©Copyright 2023 Ben Oofana. All Rights Reserved.

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