Myths and Misunderstandings That Can Prevent You from Truly Healing After a Breakup

Myths and Misunderstandings That Can Prevent You from Truly Healing After a Breakup

Breakups can be times of intense emotional vulnerability. That person we loved and were loved by had been so much a part of our lives. Now we hardly ever see them. And when we do, it evokes all kinds of uncomfortable feelings. Or maybe they’ve dropped out of our lives completely. We struggle to make sense of our losses and the emotions that are leaving us feeling so overwhelmed. We may even attempt to push our feelings aside and act as though we’re over it.

The post breakup aftermath can also be an incredibly confusing time. We want to make sense of our former partner and the relationship. We try to figure out what went wrong. And so we analyze our former partners, all the things that were said and done and the events leading up to the breakup. We then use these components to construct some kind of cohesive narrative. The stories that we tell ourselves can, to some extent, be positive in that they help us to make sense of and come to terms with a painful loss.

We can easily find ourselves getting caught up in the narratives that we construct in our attempt to reassemble ourselves. That might not be such a problem except that these narratives are often based upon misunderstanding or myths. These misconceptions can impede our healing process by adding to our confusion and compounding our pain.

Time heals

Many people are operating with the mistaken assumption that time heals. There is in many instances a dulling of the pain with the passage of time, and yet that doesn’t in any way mean that the deep emotional wounds have actually healed.

All those emotions that have yet to be processed are still very much a part of you. All that unprocessed grief, hurt and anger continues to live on the inside of you. The danger of numbing out to the losses you’ve experienced and all the hurtful emotion you’re holding on the inside is that it predisposes you to attract the same kinds of people into your life. You’re also more likely repeat the same kinds of dysfunctional patterns in your relationships.

Time alone does not heal. The deep emotional wounds can only heal as you gain understanding and work with the practices and therapeutic interventions necessary to facilitate the deep level processing of your sadness, grief and the many other feelings that arise in responses to the losses you have suffered.

Staying together for the kids

Fear of harming the children has kept so many parents stuck in unhealthy marriages. And many stay married to their partners despite the fact that there’s so much animosity. What these parents fail to understand is that the children will invariably absorb much of the anger, upset and other toxicity being generated by two spouses trapped in a relationship they don’t want to be in.

Parents who take the steps necessary to heal their own emotional wounds and live from a place of greater integrity and authenticity provide a much healthier model for their children. For many patents, extricating themselves from a toxic marriage is an important part of this healing process.

It was all a lie

It’s so easy to assume that it was all a lie and that your former partner never really loved you when a relationship comes to an end. And now you’re no longer sure that you ever really loved that person who had been so much a part of your life.

You can easily lose sight of all the good times you shared with your former partner when you’re in the midst of a breakup, because they often become overshadowed by all the hurt, anger and sadness that you’re currently experiencing.

Unless you’ve gone through a relationship in which you were unloved, taken advantage of or abused, it’s important to appreciate all the wonderful things you shared and the time you spent together.

It was all a waste of time

So many people feel that the relationship they had invested themselves in for weeks, months, years or even decades was a total waste of time once it ends. They no longer see any value in the relationship or feel it was worth their investment, because it didn’t meet their expectations.

It can be hard to see the value of your relationship when you’re in an emotionally vulnerable space. But to the best of your ability, I encourage you to take time to reflect on what you’ve gained from your relationship.

What can you be thankful for? What are the gifts your former partner offered you? How has he or she enriched your life? What did they teach you? How did they help you to grow and develop the different sides of yourself? What love did they show you?

I should have tried harder

It’s easy to look back on a relationship that didn’t work out the way you wanted it to with a sense of failure. You’re feeling that horrible sense of having not lived up to your own expectations. You blame yourself for the demise of the relationship. And then you think to yourself “If only I had…”

You can easily fall into the trap of being especially harsh and critical of yourself when a relationship comes to an end. And maybe you were unfaithful, insensitive, hurtful or just not there for your partner in the way they needed you to be. Or you may have said and done other things that caused the relationship to come apart.

There may have been a lack of resonance. In other words, you and your former partner were just not right for each other. Or maybe you wanted different things. Unless you did something really horrible, it’s better not to assume all the blame. The relationship may have ended anyway.

It’s so easy to fall into a pattern of blaming yourself or your former partner when a relationship comes to an end. But it is critically important to take time to reflect and really make an honest assessment of yourself and your own words and actions along with that of your former partner.

Were you excessively needy, clingy, overly controlling or jealous? We’re you demanding, critical, grossly insensitive or did you say or do other things that were especially hurtful? What understandings have you gained? Did you really give your partner and the relationship your best effort? What areas can you be improving upon?

Or maybe your found yourself involved with someone possessing borderline, narcissistic or sociopathic tendencies. Many of these individuals can quite charming in the beginning. And you might have even felt as if you had found your soul mate. But they soon became cold, distancing and hurtful. And they left you feeling needy and desperate as their words and actions became even more crazy making. You desperately tried to make it work and yet nothing you could have said or done would have won that person’s love or saved the relationship. Because they are incapable of truly loving anyone or sustaining any kind of lasting meaningful relationship.  

You may have deeply loved that person and you wanted so much for the relationship to work. Not every person you fall in love with is meant to be your true and lasting love. Some individuals and relationships are meant to put you in touch with those deeply wounded parts of yourself. The lessons to be learned can at times be very difficult and even painful and sometimes you are going to hurt very deeply. And yet those individuals and relationships that put you in touch with the wounded parts of yourself are providing you with an incredibly valuable opportunity to heal.

The post breakup aftermath provides you with an important window of time to reflect on the work you need to be doing to heal from your loss and to grow as an individual. Are you willing to embrace the opportunity being presented to you and to take the steps necessary to facilitate your healing and growth? Fully embracing this process of healing and growth, provides you with the opportunity to become the best version of yourself.

Feeling unlovable

Sometimes you cannot help but feel rejected, undesirable and even repulsive when someone breaks off a relationship with you. You start asking yourself questions like “Why am I so unlovable? What’s wrong with me?”

The person you were seeing may not feel that you were the right person for them. But you personalized their rejection by making it all about you. They should not be the one determining how you feel about yourself, especially if they were being hurtful and if things ended badly.

That person who rejected or broke off a relationship with you is not the ultimate authority on your value or desirability. Their rejection of you doesn’t mean that everyone else is going to feel the same way.

You’re making a huge mistake by basing your self-worth upon how another person sees or treats you. The person you are wanting to be loved by is also wounded. And they’re caught up in their own confusion. They may not have the capacity to truly love another person. Or maybe they were unable to experience those feelings of love or romantic attachment for you. And yet you’re personalizing their inability to love or care for you.

As much as you want their love, affection or approval, you sometimes have to start by loving yourself.

You will never find love again

The loss of a love can be incredibly disheartening. And it’s easy to assume that because things didn’t work out that you will never love or be loved again.

After being hurt, you may be afraid to open your heart or make yourself emotionally vulnerable to another person. You’re no longer sure if making that kind of investment is worth the risk.

Taking the steps necessary to facilitate the healing of the deep emotional wounds and to transform your heartache will enable you to develop greater empathy and compassion. It will also greatly increase your capacity to love and be loved. You will also develop greater insight, understanding and emotional resilience. It’s this process of transformation that takes place as you become your most authentic self that increases your likelihood of finding the love that you truly need and desire.

You shouldn’t be missing your former partner

Your former partner has played an important role in your life. You made a huge investment of time, effort and emotion as you opened your heart to them. This person may have been a huge part of your life for months, years or even decades.

And even if they turned out to be an absolutely horrible person in the end, you may still miss the good times. You miss the conversations and closeness you once shared. You miss the love making and even just having someone there to fall asleep and wake up next to. And you miss the parts of them that you initially fell in love with.

Part of you still loves the person you were with and probably always will. So of course, you’re going to miss them at times. It’s better to be honest with yourself by acknowledging how you truly feel. Accept these feelings as a valid expression of your own emotions of having loved and lost someone who has played an important part in your life.

I should be over this by now

Going through a breakup can be a horrendously painful experience. And even more so when there is a lot of unfinished business. And yet you’re being especially hard on yourself, thinking that you should have gotten over your loss by now.

And if you’re like most people, you understand very little of your own emotions, because you’ve spent so much of your life disconnecting from what you truly feel. You cannot process the hurts and losses you’ve experienced when you’re shutting down emotionally or distracting yourself.

Allow the healing process to take whatever time it needs to take. It is critically important for you to understand that the feelings that arise in response to your former partners, the relationship you’ve shared with them and your subsequent loss can in many instances linger for months, years and in some instances for decades. 

It’s important for you to understand that healing is an ongoing process. You can greatly increase your receptivity to healing when you come from a place of true acceptance. Go into the grieving process with a willingness to learn. You do that by allowing your emotional responses to teach you.

Giving yourself complete permission to fully experience any feelings that arise in response to your former partner, the relationship you were in and its subsequent demise is a crucial part of healing the deep emotional wounds.

Embrace your experience as it is. Allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you honestly feel.

The problem with not wanting to feel anything

Being rejected or abandoned by someone you have developed an emotional attachment to or going through a breakup can be extraordinarily painful. And if you don’t understand the crucial importance of the grieving process to your healing and growth, then you may not want to allow yourself to feel anything.

It’s important for you to understand that all those hurtful emotions will remain trapped within your body when you shut down to what you’re feeling. And even worse, the person who hurt you will continue to live on the inside of you. That can stunt your growth and prevent you from ever truly healing and moving on in your life.

Is that what you want?

Allowing yourself to fully experience your true emotional responses to the loss of a love is giving yourself the opportunity to heal. It’s through this process of healing that you are truly transformed.

You need to get under someone before you can get over your ex

Becoming physically intimate with another person can provide you some enjoyment. It may help to alleviate some of the pain by taking your mind off of your former partner. You can to some extent forget about your former partner if you find yourself feeling strongly attracted to or falling in love with someone new. You also need to be cognizant of the fact that developing any kind of physical or emotional attachment for another person doesn’t come without significant risk.

Random sex after a breakup can easily add to your confusion. Becoming physically intimate with another individual stimulates the release of the neurochemicals dopamine and oxytocin. Parts of you are experiencing sexual arousal and other pleasurable feelings and bodily sensations associated with being physically intimate. You may also be experiencing a sense of emotional closeness or intimacy. And yet other parts of you are still grieving your lost love. And that creates lots of additional confusion.

Becoming physically intimate with another individual while you’re still in the midst of a breakup may prevent you from ever doing the deep level processing of the loss of your former partner. All that sadness, grief and other unprocessed emotion that you fail to process will remain trapped within your body.

You cannot learn the important lessons your former partner and the relationship have to teach you if you’re too distracted by a new love interest or fuck buddy to process your feelings. All that unfinished business will invariably spill over into other present and future relationships.

It’s not going to hurt if you’re the one ending the relationship

You’re thinking that since you did the breaking up, that you should be getting over it quicker or that you shouldn’t be hurting at all. You may not be in as much pain as the person you dumped. Or you may get over the loss more quickly. But that also depends upon how deeply attached or emotionally invested you were in the person you broke up with.

Having to break up with someone that you’re emotionally invested in can still be an incredibly painful experience. And even more so if you truly loved the person you’re breaking up, you had hopes and dreams and if you’re a highly sensitive person. And that’s one of the primary reasons that so many people numb themselves to their feelings.

The problem with numbing yourself is that you’re going to lose so much of your capacity for empathy and to truly love and be loved. You’re probably going to end up saying and doing more hurtful and stupid things. Numbing yourself also blinds you in ways that will prevent you from truly seeing and feeling what you’re doing. And that will make you more oblivious to the consequences of your words and actions.

You need to cut off all contact with your ex

Many people are operating with the mistaken assumption that they need to completely cut off all contact with their ex in order to heal and move on. It’s true that having no contact for some weeks or months can help you to free you from the unhealthy emotional attachments to your former partner. It can help you to do the much-needed reset so that you become more congruent about the fact that your relationship is over and done with and now it’s time to move on.

But when you completely cut your former partner out of your life, as in never seeing or talking to them again, then you end up disconnecting from a lot of your own emotional responses to that person who has been a part of your life. Parts of your emotional being that made it possible for you to have feelings for your former partner freeze up on the inside of you. And that leaves you stunted developmentally, because these parts of you cannot truly heal or evolve.

Former loves can still be a valuable part of our lives. In some instances, they become great friends. The exception here would be to those individuals who have done the unforgivable and to those who continue to say and do things that create even more pain. It’s best to cut off all contact with those who deepen our wounds.

Relationships with other human beings are full of all kinds of complexity and ambiguities. Shallow and immature and less cognitively and emotionally sophisticated individuals have a lower tolerance for the ambiguities that are a normal part of relating with other human beings. 

It’s okay to breakup by text, fade away or ghost

One of the most unfortunate side effects of the use of dating apps, social media, smartphones and the technology making it all possible is that it’s causing people to become more and more disconnected from their feelings and physical bodies. That disconnect can greatly diminish your capacity for empathy. You become less attuned to or connected to those individuals with whom you interact. You end up losing much of your capacity to love and care for another individual or be a true friend and companion.

When you become so distracted and so disconnected that you end up losing your capacity for empathy, you are far more likely to say and do stupid things and end up hurting others.

And if you don’t really care about the person you’ve been seeing or if something about them puts you in touch with feelings and issues you’re not willing to deal with, then you think it’s okay to break up by text, fade away or ghost them. If you’re doing these things, you need to face the fact that you’re being grossly insensitive. You are adding to existing and creating new emotional wounds. And you do not deserve the love, consideration, friendship or other goodness of other people, because you certainly are not giving it. 

Any person who hasn’t been overly creepy or abused you deserves to be shown kindness, dignity and respect.

All men get over breakups and move on much more quickly

Many of us make the mistake of operating with generalizations or assumptions that prevent us from truly seeing, feeling and relating to each individual with whom we’re interacting. Each man and woman is a unique individual.

Highly insensitive men and women with a limited capacity to form deep emotional attachments such as narcissists and avoidant types will quickly get over the person they were seeing and move on to someone else. Best to steer clear of these types of individuals, because you will invariably end up getting hurt if you develop an attachment to them.

Men and women who are deeply feeling, highly sensitive and that have been wounded emotionally are more likely to experience being rejected, broken up with or abandoned to be especially devastating. Those of us who possess this sensitivity are often deeply hurt when a relationship ends and grieve for weeks, months and even years.

Everyone has the same capacity for intimacy and experiences loss in the same way

People that have to a large extent shut down emotionally are less likely to form strong attachments. They can get over a loss much more quickly because they were never all that attached to begin with. Conversely, people who tend to feel deeply and form deep emotional attachments take considerably longer to get over a loss. The healing process can be far more lengthy and emotionally painful for those who have suffered repeated traumas of abandonment.

The need for closure

We think that talking about the breakup, rejection or whatever other lovesick drama we’re going through is going to make us feel better. The problem is that we keep repeating the same things over and over. Our friends become so sick to death of hearing us talk about our ex that they’re telling us that it’s time to move on. And if we persist, they’re going to start avoiding us.

Continually hashing things out can easily become another means of resisting the pain of our loss(es). We keep going up into our heads in our attempt to make sense of our lovesick drama. And while we’re spinning around in our heads with all those obsessive thoughts, we are simultaneously churning all kinds of painful emotions.

We cannot fully experience the emotions that we’re churning when we’re spinning around in our heads. We are disconnecting from our emotions because we’re not allowing ourselves to fully feel them. And while we’re churning away by thinking obsessively about our lovesick drama, all those painful emotions that we’re not allowing ourselves to fully experience are continuing to accumulate within our bodies.

It becomes a vicious cycle as those painful emotions fuel our obsessive thought processes. And those obsessive thoughts continue to generate even more painful emotions. And that reinforces our deep emotional wounds by keeping us mired in the dysfunctional dynamics and attached to or even strung out on unhealthy partners and relationships.

You need to fully experience your feelings for true healing to occur. Pay close attention to what’s happening within your body — mind when you find yourself thinking obsessively or feel that compulsion to keep talking about that person and the crazy making drama that is causing you so damn much pain. Allow yourself to fully experience any feelings and sensations that arise. Breathe softly and deeply as you immerse your awareness within these feelings and bodily sensations. Follow the feelings and sensations as they go through their progression.

Another aspect of seeking closure involves looking for your former partner to say something that’s going to put it all into perspective and make you feel better so that you can cope with your loss and move on. Sometimes it’s just over. And the fact that your relationship has ended feels horrible.

True healing takes place as you allow yourself to fully experience what you honestly feel.

Breathing softly and deeply while fully immersing yourself within these feelings and bodily sensations will help you to process the shock, grief, hurt, loss and confusion. It will also enable you to find that sense of closure within so that you can become more accepting of and present to the reality of your relationships and every other aspect of your life.

Unrealistic time frames

Many people are looking for some kind of concrete deadline or defined amount of time to get over their loss. Some are expecting to get over the loss of a love in as little as a few weeks or even days. Others will tell you that it’s going to take half as long as you were together with your ex to get over them.

So much of this need to just get over the losses so soon as possible has to do with your own lack of understanding as well as the fact that you are so uncomfortable with and rather not be dealing with your own emotional responses. You may find that you get over some people rather quickly. In other instances, the healing process may go on for months or even years.

You shouldn’t be feeling sad if you were never actually a couple

Some of the most painful losses involve those experiences of unrequited love. You’re wanting to be with someone and yet for whatever reason, that other person is not reciprocating your need and desire to be together. You’re wanting something that never was and will probably never be. Or maybe you did hook up or become physically intimate with this individual and yet it never turned into the relationship you were hoping for.

The losses that you experience when your love is not being reciprocated can run very deep. You formed a deep emotional attachment to this person. And in many respects, he or she represents your deepest unmet needs, longings and desires. And you may grieve and experience a profound and yet lingering sense of sadness and loss that can last for months and often years afterwards. 

Self-medicating

Ice cream and alcohol may seem to make you feel better in the moment, but you’re numbing yourself to the pain of your loss. And all those painful emotions will remain trapped within your body. And you’re going to feel even worse about yourself as those tormenting thoughts and feelings continue to accumulate.

Anything that numbs you by preventing you from feeling impedes your ability to process your emotions. And if you cannot feel the grief and other emotions arising from your loss, you are simply not going to heal.

Busying yourself

You may think that increasing the time you spend working or filling your schedule with all kinds of activities will help you to cope with the loss of your love. Busying yourself to the extent that you don’t have time to feel or think about your former partner is yet another means of disconnecting or escaping from the grief of your loss.

The problem again is that you’re not giving yourself the opportunity to truly feel. Therefore, you are not going to heal. 

You definitely need processing time. And you also need to be careful not to fall into the trap of doing nothing other than sitting around indefinitely pining for your former partner. Such endless rumination can easily send you into a downward spiral.

The objective here is to strive for balance.

Do give yourself the time and space necessary to process your grief. Just don’t allow your grief to stop you from pursuing your life. You need to grieve. And you need to live your life as well. When you stop doing either of these two processes is when you run into problems.    

You may not want to do anything when you’re in the midst of the grieving process and are feeling upset. Sometimes you need to honor these feelings.

There have been many instances where I would sit while breathing softly and deeply with my feelings of grief for an hour or for however long it took. Once the grief ran its course, I would get up and take some form of meaningful action. At other times, I had been in a state of grief for days. I would jump when an opportunity to spend time with friends, go to see one of my favorite recording artists or do some other form of meaningful activity, because I knew I needed to take a break.

Learn to tune into your intuition by feeling your body — mind’s physical and emotional needs. Feel your body — mind’s needs to process its loss. And then facilitate this processing by breathing softly and deeply while fully immersing your awareness within any feelings or bodily sensations that arise.

Feel your body — mind’s needs for engagement. And then respond accordingly by engaging with those individuals or involve yourself in those activities or pursuits that ignite your passion and that have personal meaning for you. 

Assuming that your lost love will come back if you’re persistent

Many people are operating with the mistaken assumption that their love will return if only they are persistent. Persistence has worked in some instances and yet it often not rewarded in the way one would hope. Such persistence often blows up in the face of the person attempting to hold on.

Repeatedly texting, emailing, calling and pleading makes you come off as being especially needy and desperate. What often happens is that you become much less appealing or desirable to the former partner you’re hoping to reconnect with. That can easily push your former partner further away. You may end up creeping your former partner out. Or even worse, you may come off as a stalker.

Sure, you’re missing your former partner and want to get back together with them. Unless you see obvious signs to the contrary, it is best to feel yourself letting go and then accept your former partner and the relationship for where they are at this point in time. If you sense a need and receptivity on their part to get back together and feel that they are reaching out to you, then respond accordingly.

You shouldn’t be feeling sad even though you know the breakup was for the best

Maybe your former partner was hurtful and abusive. Or at some level, you knew the relationship was not right. Your conscious mind kept telling you that you needed to break up. Now you’re assuming that you shouldn’t be feeling sad and missing this person, but you are.

You formed an emotional attachment to this individual. Your conscious mind may be saying it’s a good thing and that you needed to break up. And yet part of you is still experiencing a deep sense of loss.

Feelings are not always rational. Even though they may have been hurtful or abusive or brought a lot of complication to your life, there are other aspects of your ex that you love and miss. You’re missing the good times you shared with them. You may also be missing the fantasy of what you had hoped your life with this person would be like.

The fact that you’re missing this person means that you should be together

Your feelings may not be making any kind of rational sense. Cognitively you know the relationship isn’t working. But there’s a conflict between what you’re feeling and the rational parts of your brain. You’re still missing him or her. And so, you’re assuming that it must mean that you really should be together.

The person you’ve grown attached to may be incredibly toxic. And maybe they’re causing you a lot of hurt. You know that person is not healthy for you, but the part of you that has developed a strong emotional attachment wants them so badly. And that’s why you’re still missing them.

Yes, you can get back together. But it’s most likely going to be more of the same.

You need to stop being sad and just get over it

You’re feeling that you should stop being sad and just get over it. And then you become frustrated with yourself and the grieving process taking place, because you’re not getting over your loss as quickly as you think you should.

It’s important for you to understand that all these painful feelings are a normal response to losing someone that you have loved and been loved by. You also need to be cognizant of the fact that your current breakup will be triggering the sadness, grief and other emotions pertaining to past losses that you’ve experienced. Feelings from present and past relationships and from the wounding experiences of your childhood will all be making their way to the surface.

Even though you’re tired of the sadness, grief and all the other painful emotions, it’s important for you to come from a place of complete acceptance. Allow yourself to feel what you honestly feel. You will get over any loss you experience more quickly when you fully embrace the process. A big part of complete acceptance involves allowing yourself to fully experience your emotional responses.

Embracing the healing process that is taking place

The loss of a love can be an incredibly painful experience. And in some instances, it can be quite traumatic. It’s a normal part of the process for you to be experiencing resistance to those things which cause you pain. Therefore, you are going to experience a certain amount of resistance to the suffering resulting from such a painful loss.

You may find yourself overwhelmed by the all-consuming grief and other painful emotions that arise in response to your loss. Experiencing these emotions is a normal part of the healing process. It’s also important for you to keep in mind that you’re not always going to feel this way.

A big part of the resistance you will be experiencing comes from wanting it to be over with. It’s important for you to understand that you’re in the midst of a healing process. This process is going to take as long as it takes. You therefore need to allow the process of healing to run its course.

Is there a way to accelerate the process of getting over a breakup?

Yes. You can accelerate your healing by fully embracing the process taking place.

There are also practices and therapeutic interventions that you can be making use of that will greatly accelerate the healing process. Even then, the process is still going to take time.

I have on numerous occasions found myself consumed with the sadness and grief arising from painful losses. The suffering I experienced seemed to drag on indefinitely and was in many ways compounded by the traumas of my childhood and adolescence.

I had an instinctive sense that I needed to breathe softly and deeply while diving into the middle of all that pain. At some point I would feel something breaking open on the inside of me. I could then feel the pain coming out of my body in waves. And that was followed by comforting feelings of warmth and a sense of connectedness to a higher power.

But I was still very much locked into a holding pattern and found myself attracting many of the same kinds of women and being retraumatized by the same painful dramas that kept being reenacted.

That only began to change as I started working with some of the powerfully gifted healers during my twenties. And then at the age of thirty-one, I started returning to the Wichita Mountains in Southwestern Oklahoma to go on the vision quest, a traditional Native American healing practice that involves going out to fast alone in the mountains for four days and nights without food or water.

I could feel an immensely powerful presence working to facilitate my healing during those four days and nights alone on the mountain. I could feel the hardwired configurations that perpetuated the reenactment of the abandonment, rejection and unrequited love being dismantled. This same healing presence facilitated the healing of the deep emotional wounds began to simultaneously build a whole new foundation. Those changes were reflected in my outer life as the quality of women that I started attracting and my relationships with them greatly improved.

Spending four days alone in the mountains fasting without food and water is too intense for most people. But many of those who have worked with me individually have experienced the same healing and transformation. Many have healed from devastating losses and have let go of unhealthy and abusive partners. Many have attracted healthier companions into their lives and are enjoying more fulfilling and meaningful relationships.

Letting go and moving on

Greg showed up in one of my classes a few years ago. He had been strung out on his former fiancé for a year and a half after she dumped him. And she had been seeing another man for part of that time.

After two of the individual healing sessions, Greg was no longer in pain and no longer cared, having let go of his former fiancé. The last I spoke with Greg; he was heading across country to reassess his life and then determine where he wanted to go from that point on.

Greg let go of his attachment to his former fiancé fairly quickly. The healing process will vary from one individual to the next. The healing process for those who have an extensive history of abandonment and other traumas can take considerably longer.

Be sure to watch the video I’m posting below and then feel free to reach out to me if you’re willing to take the steps necessary to heal the loss of a love, attract healthier companions and create more fulfilling relationships.

Have you received value from the insights you’ve gained through my writing? Your generous and thoughtful donation via Paypal or (Venmo @BenOofana) makes it possible for me to devote considerably more time and effort to creating more articles and videos.

©Copyright 2019 Ben Oofana. All Rights Reserved. This content may be copied in full, with copyright, creation and contact information intact, without specific permission. Read more at: https://benoofana.com/transforming-your-heartache/

Healing the Loss of a Love will provide you with a greater understanding of yourself and your own healing process. You will also learn to recognize and let go of mistaken assumptions and other misunderstandings that hinder your recovery.

Classes are on Monday nights at Quest Bookshop 240 East 53rd Street in New York City and alternate Tuesdays at Unity of Sommerville 6 William Street, Somerville, MA.

And if you cannot make it to the Monday or Tuesday evening classes. You can always work with me individually. The individual sessions are far more powerful anyway. Call me at (913) 927-4281 to learn more or schedule an individual session.

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