In addition to reading the article, you’re also welcome to watch the video or listen to the downloadable audio version — whichever helps you absorb the material more fully.

Most people breathe shallowly. Some are aware of it, but many others lack the body awareness to realize what they’re doing. Shallow breathing develops for many reasons. Work, finances, the economy, politics, and other stressful realities of daily life contribute. Over time, these accumulated stresses activate the body’s perception of threat and set the groundwork for chronic tension and restricted breathing.

A few common examples we can all relate to: we get into an automobile accident or have a near miss, we get into an argument with our partner, we receive a poor evaluation at work, or face the threat of being laid off. Situations like these cause the body to tense up, the breath to become shallow, and the nervous system to shift into a defensive posture. For many people, this becomes chronic.

And this chronic tension sets the stage for something even deeper.

The trauma we’ve internalized, the painful lived experiences we never fully digested, and the emotions we pushed down because they were too overwhelming at the time all get stored in the body. That undigested stress and emotional residue tightens the musculature around the lungs and diaphragm, restricting our capacity to breathe fully and preventing us from accessing the deeper, more restorative breath our bodies need to truly thrive.

When the breath stays up in the chest, we’re not processing our lived experiences or emotions as thoroughly. We stay anxious, overwhelmed, fragmented, and disconnected from ourselves.

The Body’s Response to Heartbreak

Heartbreak intensifies these patterns. It doesn’t create shallow breathing out of nowhere—it activates everything already stored inside us and brings it to the surface.

Whether we’re going through a breakup, divorce, or we’ve been ghosted, heartbreak puts us directly in touch with our deepest vulnerabilities. When we’re attuned to one another—when there’s mutual love and care—we feel safe. But even the healthiest relationships trigger the wounded parts of one another from time to time.

Where it becomes truly difficult is when the bond ruptures. When a partner is harsh, critical, or emotionally shut down. When there’s infidelity. When someone disappears without a word. When we’re suddenly alone with the shock and grief of a breakup or divorce.

These experiences don’t just hurt because of what’s happening in the moment. They awaken the older hurts—the pain we’ve been carrying for years, even decades—that we never fully digested. And when the pain surfaces, most people resist it. We deny what’s happening. We numb ourselves. We distract. We tighten around the hurt and hope it will go away.

That resistance puts the body in a contracted state.

And part of that state of contraction involves shallow breathing.

The breath becomes constricted, the body armors, and the emotions we’re trying to avoid remain trapped inside us.

Shallow Breathing Impedes Emotional Metabolism

When we breathe shallowly—when the breath stays up in the chest—it activates the sympathetic nervous system and keeps us in a low-level fight-or-flight state. In that mode, the body-mind loses its ability to digest our lived experiences and emotional responses.

Stresses, impressions, and emotions that aren’t being processed begin to accumulate. They create stagnation. We become locked in a defensive state, as all this unresolved tension and pain remains trapped in the body.

And when the body is holding that much undigested material, we’re far more prone to looping thoughts, obsessive fixation, panic, and reactivity.

Engaging Your Body and Mind's Innate Healing Intelligence

Whenever I conduct classes or work with people individually, I guide them through a series of intensive practices. Whether someone is in the midst of a breakup or divorce, or going through some other painful and challenging life circumstances, I have them bring these concerns to the forefront of their awareness. I ask them to notice any feelings or bodily sensations that arise, where they are located in their body, and to breathe softly and deeply while centering their awareness in the depths of what they’re experiencing.

Most are breathing shallowly. Their chest is barely moving. Sometimes it’s enough for me to instruct them to slow and deepen their breathing. But in many instances, I have them pause, open their eyes, and I demonstrate how to breathe in a way that allows them to diffuse—and then digest—their lived experiences and emotional responses.

Since you're reading this article, I encourage you to watch the accompanying video where I'll guide you through the process I'm describing.

Start by bringing as much awareness as you can to any feelings or sensations present in your body. Center your awareness in the depths of what you’re feeling. As you do so, breathe in as softly, slowly, and deeply as you can. Breathe all the way down into your abdomen and feel it expand. Let the inhale continue gently as your rib cage opens. Hold the breath for a brief moment. Then exhale as softly, slowly, and fully as you can, pausing for a moment before the next inhalation.

Soft, slow, deep breathing as I’ve described brings more of you into your body and activates the parasympathetic nervous system. As you continue to breathe this way, your feelings and bodily sensations may initially intensify or move through a natural progression. Stay with the breath and follow the feelings and sensations as they arise. Continue breathing into what you feel, and the stress or sense of overwhelm will gradually begin to ease.

The breath creates space inside you, helping you diffuse—and eventually digest—the impressions of your lived experiences and the emotions tied to them. You gradually feel calmer, more open, and more spacious. Your insight grows. Your understanding deepens. And your intuition becomes stronger.

When I breathe as softly, slowly, and deeply as I possibly can, the chatter in my mind slows and I can feel myself descending through multiple layers of awareness. In these profoundly deep states, I can feel areas of tension dissolving and the emotions held within my body being digested.

As I make this practice a part of my everyday life — whether I’m in conversation, in a difficult situation, or simply moving through the day — I can feel this deeper level of processing taking place in real time. I’m less reactive, more perceptive, and it becomes easier for me to articulate what I’m feeling in my interactions. I also notice that it draws the people I’m speaking with in deeper, helping them become more present and more connected to what they’re feeling.

Why So Many People Remain Stuck

Whenever I interact with people, I can see and feel their strengths, their resources, and the attributes that make them who they are. I can also feel where they’re wounded — how the stress, emotional residue, and stagnant energy are held in their bodies. This buildup impedes brain function, leaving them more confused, less clear, and more stressed and overwhelmed.

I see and feel how these unresolved emotional wounds reinforce the dysfunctional patterns that keep playing out in their relationships. I see how people contract around the devastation of a breakup or other painful loss, and how they carry that contraction in their bodies indefinitely. When people suppress, numb, or distract themselves from their emotions—and especially when they’re not breathing correctly—it reinforces that state. Their bodies continue to hold the backlog of stagnant emotions. They stay stuck, contracted, unable to learn or grow from their lived experiences.

Even when people go for things like deep-tissue bodywork, their bodies often stay rigid and tense. They can’t let go of the chronic tension because the emotions creating the stagnation and body armor are still trapped inside. I’ve also found that when someone can’t or won’t feel and process their emotions, they’re nowhere near as responsive to the healing sessions I facilitate.

From Contraction to Fluidity

Breakups, divorce, ghosting, and other losses evoke some of the most painful emotions many of us will ever experience in our lives. The pain we feel in the midst of a devastating heartache is often compounded by the pain of other losses we’ve carried in our bodies for years. When we’re in it—consumed by overwhelming emotions day and night—it can feel impossible to find any sense of grounding.

During these times, I encourage you to be especially mindful of your breathing. Breathe softly and deeply, as I’ve described. Do this while you sit in practice, as you’re drifting off to sleep, and as you move through the moments of your day. Bringing awareness to your breath helps you stay connected to your body and engages your body’s own healing intelligence in a way that allows you to soften, diffuse, and digest the shock, grief, fears of abandonment, and other emotions, making them far more workable.

The willingness to go to those vulnerable places—to feel what’s actually happening inside—requires courage. The more I can guide the people I work with to fully experience the depth of their emotional responses and bodily sensations, while breathing softly and deeply, the more malleable and responsive their bodies and minds become. As their system opens, they become far more receptive to the presence working through me, and that’s when profound healing and transformation occur.

Trauma, experiences of loss, other difficult or stressful lived experiences — and the emotions tied to them — can then be digested and transformed into fuel for growth. As the devastation from a breakup or other painful loss begins to heal, the wounded parts of the self mend as well, and the old dysfunctional patterns — especially those connected to unhealthy attachments — start to dissolve.

What I often find is that many of these same individuals, as they continue to do this deeper work, become more present and engaged — more connected to their inner source. They naturally begin drawing in healthier companions and co-creating relationships that are emotionally nourishing and deeply fulfilling.

As you work with this practice, you’re awakening the innate healing intelligence residing within your body and mind. And when you combine this way of breathing and with the most effective therapeutic interventions, your healing greatly accelerates.

As you go about your day, I encourage you to remain mindful of your breathing. Check in with yourself periodically. If you notice you’re breathing shallowly, bring your awareness back into your body and the full range of its feelings and sensations. You can also immerse your awareness in the depths of any neutral or pleasant feelings or bodily sensations that arise. Deepen your breathing. Let it help you become more present and expand your awareness. The more consistently you do this, the more your body and mind open—and the more you’re able to digest your lived experiences and transform the emotions held in your body.

Whether you’re in the midst of a breakup or facing challenges in other areas of your life, this practice will make it easier for you to cycle through whatever you’re dealing with—so you can learn, heal, and grow from the experience.

If anything in what you’ve just read resonates with you — if you’re struggling with heartbreak, loneliness, patterns that keep repeating, or you simply want to show up more fully in your life and relationships — feel free to reach out. I offer individual sessions over the phone or internet, and in the near future I’ll be opening enrollment for my new program, Heal My Heartache.

To learn more or schedule a session, call or message (332) 333-5155 or visit teachmetomeditate.com • benoofana.com.

©Copyright 2025 Ben Oofana. All Rights Reserved.