In any relationship, the emotional bond and level of attachment between individuals can vary greatly. Sometimes, people enter relationships casually, without deep emotional involvement. In such cases, when the relationship ends, it might not cause significant distress. This can be especially true if there were elements in the relationship that were stressful or uncomfortable. For instance, if the partner caused undue drama, was excessively controlling, or if there were irreconcilable differences, the end of the relationship can often bring relief. In these situations, you might feel as though you have freed yourself from a source of continual anxiety and discord.

On the other hand, when there's a strong emotional attachment or deep love between partners, the end of the relationship can be incredibly painful. The partner isn't just someone with whom you spent time; they become an integral part of your life, your dreams, and your future. Losing this person can feel as though a part of you has been lost as well. This sense of loss is often accompanied by intense feelings of sadness, loneliness, and sometimes even a sense of betrayal. The world as you knew it changes dramatically, and this shift can be emotionally shattering.

Even in these deeply painful situations, it's important to remember that feelings of heartbreak are a normal part of the human experience. Most people will, at some point, experience the pain of a breakup. While the pain can feel overwhelming in the moment, with time, self-care, therapeutic intervention and support from friends and loved ones, it is possible to heal and move forward.

Emotional distress at the end of a relationship

Breakups, divorces, repeated rejections, unrequited love, and abandonment are among the main triggers of suicide. These experiences of loss evoke some of the most excruciatingly painful feelings imaginable. You're not only grappling with the painful feelings arising in response to your current loss, but also dealing with the heartrending drama of past losses and abuses that are often evoked in these situations.

Even if you're not consciously aware of it, devastating losses at this stage in your life bring to the surface emotional pain associated with past experiences like being rejected, abandoned, or abused by a parent. During a devastating heartbreak, you may find yourself engulfed by these all-consuming emotions. The emotional pain can be magnified if you have suffered repeated rejections or experiences of abandonment in the past. When the pain becomes so overwhelming, you might feel a desperate need for it to stop. It's during these times that some people feel there's no other way out but to take their own life.

The link between breakups, other forms of heartbreak, and suicide can be quite significant. Emotional distress following the end of a relationship or experiencing abandonment can be overwhelming, and in some instances, we may have difficulty envisioning a future beyond our current pain.

This emotional turmoil can become internalized and manifest as self-directed anger, guilt, shame, or self-blame. Additionally, it can lead to a damaging narrative that you are unlovable or destined to be alone, reinforcing your feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. These negative self-perceptions can be significant contributors to suicidal ideation and behaviors.

Breakups and other forms of heartbreak often lead to profound sadness, loss, and loneliness. These intense emotions can sometimes trigger or exacerbate underlying mental health issues, such as depression or anxiety, which are known risk factors for suicide.

Furthermore, the end of a relationship can disrupt your support system significantly. You may not only lose your partner, but also friends and social connections associated with that partner. This can lead to isolation, another risk factor for suicide.

Rejection and abandonment can damage your self-esteem, leading you to feel unlovable or unworthy. These negative self-perceptions can fuel feelings of hopelessness and despair, which could lead to suicidal ideation.

It's crucial to remember that experiencing a breakup or abandonment doesn't necessarily mean you will become suicidal. However, these events can significantly increase your vulnerability and emotional distress. Recognizing these risks, providing adequate support, and, if necessary, seeking professional mental health intervention can be vital in these situations.

It's important for you to understand that these feelings are temporary, and with time, professional help, and appropriate coping strategies, you can heal and reclaim your sense of self-worth and hope for the future.

Not so healthy attachments

The environment in which we're raised can significantly impact our relationship patterns in adulthood. If one grows up with loving, supportive parents, they are more likely to internalize these positive behaviors and attitudes, which will shape their approach to relationships. The foundation of love and support they experienced in their upbringing can build their emotional resilience and make them better equipped to cope with the end of a relationship. Their secure attachment style, often a result of a healthy upbringing, enables them to form strong, stable relationships. Furthermore, they tend to possess an optimistic outlook on love, believing that they can find a compatible partner in the future.

Conversely, those of us who experienced abandonment, rejection, or neglect during our formative years might find it difficult to form healthy attachments in adulthood. The wounds from our past could make us more susceptible to feeling the devastation of heartbreak when a relationship ends. If we had these kinds of experiences, we're more likely to develop an insecure attachment style, which can result in feeling anxious and doubtful in our relationships. We are also more likely to find ourselves attracted to individuals who are emotionally unavailable or abusive, mirroring the negative patterns from our past. This cycle can make heartbreak even more intense and difficult to manage.

However, it's important to remember that while our upbringing can influence our relationship patterns, it doesn't determine them absolutely. With awareness, therapy, and emotional work, we can heal from our past wounds and develop healthier relationship patterns. This journey can be challenging but immensely rewarding, leading to more fulfilling and healthy relationships.

Romantic Projection

Those of us who have experienced abandonment, rejection, or other forms of trauma during childhood often carry emotional wounds that can profoundly impact our adult relationships. These emotional wounds can manifest as feelings of insecurity, fear of abandonment, low self-esteem, and difficulty trusting others.

In romantic relationships, we're more likely to project our unmet emotional needs and expectations onto our partner. These projections can be quite powerful and may lead to beliefs that are unrealistic or not grounded in reality. For example, we might believe that our partner can “complete” us, fill our emotional voids, or heal our past traumas. This is a heavy burden to place on any relationship and can create an unhealthy dynamic.

Such a mindset can make us exceedingly dependent on our partner for emotional well-being. We may perceive our partner as our only source of happiness, creating a relationship dynamic that is heavily skewed towards dependency.

Consequently, if our partner leaves, doesn't return our love, or the relationship ends, the emotional impact can be devastating. This is because we have not only lost a partner, but also the person we've unconsciously assigned to fulfill our emotional needs and heal our past wounds.

It's important to understand that while these patterns are common in those of us who have experienced childhood trauma, they're not inescapable destinies. With awareness, therapeutic intervention, and emotional work, it is possible to heal from past traumas, develop healthier relationship dynamics, and create more balanced and fulfilling romantic relationships. It's a journey that requires time and patience, but the end result is a stronger sense of self and healthier, more resilient relationships.

Individuals who were fortunate enough to grow up with nurturing parents and who have internalized a secure attachment style often struggle to understand or relate to those of us with more insecure attachment styles who endure great suffering when a relationship ends.

Those of us with insecure attachment styles may feel immense shame and humiliation when our relationships falter. When emotions such as loss, grief, and desperation engulf us, we often react in ways that cause us significant embarrassment, leading us to feel unlovable and defective.

It's important for those who have had a good start in life, who have formed secure attachments, and who have been more fortunate in love, to exercise understanding and empathy. Similarly, it's essential for those of us who struggle with insecure attachments to understand that our heightened reactivity and vulnerability are likely the result of our emotional wounds. We must be willing to undertake the necessary steps to facilitate healing.

Those of us who have been deeply wounded and struggle with an insecure attachment style need to understand that many of our thoughts and feelings about the person we're so in love with and feel we cannot live without are projections. As we initiate the steps towards healing, these projections will start to dissolve. As our healing journey continues, we'll grow more secure within ourselves. This personal growth will, in turn, help us to attract more love into our lives and form healthier, more secure attachments.

Shift the focus to your own healing and wellbeing

When we experience rejection, abandonment, or a breakup from a person we deeply love, thoughts of suicide may surface. Often, these thoughts arise from a desperate desire to end the profound emotional pain we're experiencing. Sometimes, there might even be a misguided wish to make the person who hurt us feel guilt or remorse or suffer for the pain we feel they caused us. However, it's crucial to understand that taking our own life will not yield the desired outcomes. That person might feel guilt, or they might not. Either way, life continues, and tragically, you would have lost yours.

In the throes of heartbreak, it can feel like the person who left us was our everything, but it's essential to remember that this is a projection, and it can distort our perspective. There is no person in the world worth causing such irreparable harm to oneself over.

If you're grappling with thoughts of suicide or self-harm, it's critical to shift your focus from the person who caused the pain to your own well-being and healing.

You are not alone in this journey. It’s important to reach out for help, confide in someone you trust, or seek professional guidance. Remember, there are resources available and people who genuinely care and want to help.

Taking your friends and loved ones into consideration

When we're in the grip of suicidal feelings, our primary desire is often simply for the pain to end. This intense suffering can distort our perspective, making it easy to overlook the devastating impact our death would have on friends and family members. Those left behind often grapple with irreconcilable feelings of grief, guilt, sadness, and pain; some may never fully recover. Having experienced profound losses in my own life, I understand this indelible pain — the sense of irreplaceable loss, and the lingering emptiness that forms a persistent void in the heart.

Reach out for help immediately

Reading an article is not a substitute for seeking professional help. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger or struggling with suicidal thoughts, it's important to reach out for help immediately by contacting emergency services.

Remember, you are not alone, and there is help available. Don't hesitate to reach out for support when you need it. Here are some resources that can provide support and guidance here in the United States:

The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (formerly known as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline) offers 24/7 call, text and chat access to trained crisis counselors who can help you if you're experiencing suicidal, substance use, and/or mental health crisis, or any other kind of emotional distress. You can also dial 988 if they are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.

Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained crisis counselor.

Call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room if you're in immediate danger.

Reach out to a therapist, counselor, or psychiatrist who can provide support and treatment for mental health concerns.

Getting help if you're living outside of the United States

Having traveled extensively, I understand that resources can vary considerably from one country to the next. Please remember, although it may feel as though you're alone, there are people who want to help, and support is available.

If you're in crisis, the first step is to reach out to a crisis hotline in your country. A quick online search for ‘suicide hotline' followed by your country's name should lead you to a dedicated helpline.

While it may seem daunting, sharing your feelings with trusted friends, family members, or community organizations can provide emotional relief and practical support.

If possible, consider reaching out to mental health professionals like therapists or psychologists specializing in trauma, loss, and bereavement. They can provide essential tools and therapies to help you navigate this challenging time.

Join an Online Support Group. There are numerous online communities where you can share your feelings and experiences, offering comfort, understanding, and practical advice from individuals facing similar challenges.

Befrienders Worldwide is an international organization providing emotional support to prevent suicide. They offer helplines, listening services, and crisis intervention. https://befrienders.org/

If you are feeling suicidal, it is crucial that you seek immediate help from a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional. This article is intended to provide supportive information and direction, but it is not a substitute for professional advice.

©Copyright 2023 Ben Oofana. All Rights Reserved.

When you’re ready, I have 3 ways I can help you to heal your heartache and attract more love into your life and cocreate more meaningful and deeply fulfilling relationships.
1. Click here to grab your free copy of my eBook – The Essentials Of Getting Over Your Breakup And Moving On
2. Watch the master class Three Reasons Your Relationships Are Not Working …And What You Can Do About It.
3. Work with me individually Are you in the midst of a breakup, struggling with patterns of abandonment or unrequited love, or facing challenges in your current relationship and would like to work directly with me, email me at ben@benoofana.com. For faster response, call me at (332) 333-5155.