One of my business mentors encouraged me to write an article about what our addiction to digital candy is costing our love lives. As I delved deeper into the subject, I began to see more and more examples of how our use of smartphones, social media, and other digital technologies are impacting our relationships with ourselves and other people. Within a few weeks, I had over sixty pages of detailed content.

The subject is so complex and varied that I decided to break it up into a series of articles. This article is only the first in the series on “What Digital Candy Is Costing Your Love Life,” and this series will continue to expand as I gather even more details.

Some repetition can help to reinforce key ideas and create a sense of coherence and continuity throughout this series of articles. I will do my best to minimize repetition and yet some is necessary to help you and other readers understand how all the different pieces of information fit together.

What the internet has to offer

The internet has greatly expanded access to information, resources, and opportunities for individuals and businesses. It has enabled new forms of communication and collaboration and has made it easier for us to connect with others, access information, and conduct transactions online. It has also revolutionized many industries and has had a significant impact on the economy.

The internet has made vast amounts of information and resources on various subjects, including relationships, readily available. Through various platforms like blogs, YouTube videos, podcasts, and forums, we can access a wide range of perspectives, advice, and experiences pertaining to relationships and other subjects. The internet has also made it easier for us to connect with other people who have similar interests and experiences, which can be helpful in navigating relationships and other personal or professional issues.

The internet played a critical role in enabling remote work and remote learning during the COVID-19 pandemic. The internet made it possible for us to work from home, attend virtual meetings and conferences, and access the tools and resources we needed to continue our work. Similarly, the internet has enabled schools and universities to shift to online learning, allowing students to continue their studies even when they couldn’t physically attend classes. That helped to mitigate the impact of the pandemic on education and the economy.

Facebook and instant messaging apps like WhatsApp have made it much easier for us to stay in touch with friends and loved ones, regardless of where they are located. These platforms allow us to communicate and share updates and content with each other in real-time, making it feel as if we are in the same room. This has been especially helpful for those of us who have friends and loved ones living abroad, as it allows us to maintain close connections despite the distance. Additionally, social media platforms and instant messaging apps also allow us to create and join groups, which can be a great way to connect with other people who share similar interests or experiences.

The Impact of Digital Technology on Our Lives

Fire has in many ways served humanity, but it can also be incredibly dangerous if not managed properly. Similarly, technology such as smartphones and the internet have provided many important benefits, but it is also important for us to be aware of the negative consequences of their use. Our use of these tools will determine their impact on ourselves and others.

As our dependence on technology and the internet has grown, it has also introduced whole new sets of challenges and negative effects. One of the primary concerns is the potential impact upon our mental health and well-being. The constant access to social media and the pressure to be connected can lead to feelings of isolation, anxiety, and depression. Additionally, the constant bombardment of information and notifications causes sensory overload and that can make it difficult for us to focus and be present in the moment.

The seductive power of our apps and devices

Many of us are far more addicted to our devices, social media, our news feeds and other web content than we either realize or care to acknowledge. The seductive power of our devices, the social media platforms we frequent and the other online content that we’ve become hooked on has us repeatedly checking our notifications, feeds, news updates, messages and emails dozens, if not hundreds of times a day.

Our devices, social media, email and other web content operate in many ways like a slot machine. They are all designed to hijack our brain’s reward system with intermittent variable rewards to reinforce compulsive and addictive behaviors.

We never know if, when or how we’re going to be rewarded when we check our email, respond to notifications or our Facebook, Instagram or TikTok feeds. The unpredictability of the reward schedule makes our phones and apps even more addictive. 

These intermittent variable rewards trigger the release of dopamine, the neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and anticipation. Whenever people like the images and updates we’re posting on Facebook, Instagram and other social media platforms, our brain lights us up with another hit of dopamine. These repeated hits of dopamine excite us. Once the rush of excitement wears off, we have to return to our devices and our social media feeds to get these same good feelings again. The problem with repeatedly triggering the release of dopamine is that fuels our addictive tendencies.

Impact on the brain’s other neurotransmitters

When you tamper with one brain system, you invariably tamper with another. Excessive stimulation of dopamine can also lead to a decrease in the levels of other important neurotransmitters, such as serotonin, norepinephrine, and oxytocin.

Serotonin plays a crucial role in regulating mood and emotions, and a decrease in its levels has been linked to depression and anxiety. Similarly, a decrease in norepinephrine can contribute to symptoms of depression and fatigue.

Oxytocin is a neurotransmitter that is involved in social bonding, trust, and empathy. It is released during physical touch, such as hugging, kissing, and holding hands, as well as during social interactions, such as talking and sharing experiences with others. Oxytocin plays a key role in social bonding and attachment, and a decrease in its levels can lead to feelings of loneliness and social isolation.

These changes in neurotransmitter levels can have significant impacts on our brains and our development. Prolonged use of digital technology can lead to a decrease in these important neurotransmitters. This can contribute to mental health issues, affect our ability to regulate our emotions and form meaningful social connections, and even impact our cognitive development over time.

Excessive use of our devices and social media can negatively impact our mental and emotional well-being and communication skills. To improve our well-being, it’s important for us to be spending less time on screens and more time interacting with loved ones and engaging in real-world experiences.

What excessive screen time is doing to our brains

For years now, I have been reading and listening to content that discusses how our use of the internet is affecting the regions and structures of the brains and their specific functions. As I am not a neuroanatomist who studies the structure and function of the brain, I am unable to verify the specifics. However, the information I have been reading consistently suggests that the internet affects the way our brains process and retain information.

The adverse effect on the brain’s frontal lobe resulting from excessive screen time impacts every area of our lives, from our sense of wellbeing to academic and career success and relational skills. Atrophy or loss of volume occurs in the brain’s frontal lobe, which governs executive functions such as planning, prioritizing, organizing and impulse control. Without these critical faculties, we have a hard time getting anything done.

Loss of volume also occurs in the ventral striatum, which is a is a dopaminergic pathway most closely associated with the brain’s reward system. Shrinkage in the anterior insular cortex, diminishes our capacity to perceive, understand and appropriately respond to the feelings of others.

The brain’s white matter is composed of bundles of myelinated axons, which connect various gray matter areas of the brain to each other and carry nerve impulses between neurons. Higher screen use has been associated with the underdevelopment of the white matter tracts throughout the brain. That limits communication between the various parts of the brain.

The impact on the way our brains function

Our use of smartphones and the internet is having an enormous impact on the way our brains function. Our use of digital technology stimulates the development of our visual-spatial skills. It’s also teaching our brains to multitask, quickly sort through large amounts of information, and manically and jump from one thing to another.

As our online habits carry over into our offline lives, there is a weakening of our ability to engage in critical thinking, introspection, and emotional processing. Excessive use of these technologies is making it considerably more difficult for us to focus our attention and concentrate on anything for very long. Our reading skills are being negatively impacted, and we are finding it harder to stay on task and be productive. It’s also killing our creativity.

Information overload, or being exposed to too much data at once, can have a serious impact on our motivational system. The brains perceives excessive amounts of information as a threat and will try to avoid it in order to conserve energy and protect itself from feeling overwhelmed. This can lead to procrastination, apathy, lack of focus, and an overall decrease in motivation.

Difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep

Our addiction to digital technology is contributing to the sensory overload that many of us are experiencing. That’s feeding into our impulsivity, anxiety, and depression, while making it harder for us to focus our attention. The overstimulation of our minds by digital devices is also creating a hyper-alert state that disrupts our natural rhythms, making it harder to fall asleep or stay asleep.

Blue light, emitted by our smartphones, tablets, and computers, can help to increase alertness, improve attention and reaction times during daylight hours. At night, it can be disruptive as it interferes with our body’s ability to prepare for sleep. That’s because blue light blocks the production of melatonin, a hormone produced in our brains in response to darkness. Melatonin helps to regulate our body’s circadian rhythms, which is essential for sleep. When our brains fail to produce adequate melatonin, it leads to difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, and that negatively impacts our overall health and well-being.

Excessive and prolonged exposure to blue light can have negative effects on our eyes. Blue light has been shown to penetrate deep into the eye and reach the retina, where it can cause damage to the cells. This can lead to vision problems such as age-related macular degeneration (AMD), a leading cause of blindness in older adults. Long-term exposure to blue light can cause retinal cells to die, which can lead to permanent vision loss. To protect our eyes from blue light exposure, it’s important for us to take breaks from our screens, use blue light-blocking glasses, and adjust the settings on our electronic devices to reduce the amount of blue light emitted.

The consequences of our digital addiction

Our use of smartphones, tablets, and other devices, as well as social media, has become a deeply ingrained habit. Unfortunately, many of us fail to comprehend the consequences of our digital addiction. As we rely more heavily on digital technology for entertainment, information, and communication, we’re spending increasingly more time online, neglecting our real-world relationships and responsibilities. In fact, some of us are spending more time checking texts, responding to emails, gaming, and scrolling our social media feeds than interacting with people in the physical world. That’s leaving us isolated and unfulfilled.

Many of us have become so tethered to our phones that we’re not paying much attention to what’s happening right in front of us. Our excessive use of digital technology is robbing us of the time and energy we could be using to realize our true potential and fulfill our life’s purpose. And our lack of engagement is preventing us from experiencing the depth of connection with other human beings, forms of life, and the world around us that would provide meaning and lasting satisfaction.

If we’ve grown up with the technology, there’s a high likelihood that we have no point of reference for anything other than what we’ve known. But it’s this disconnect that is preventing so many of us from finding true love and developing meaningful connections.

Instant gratification

Smartphones, social media, and other online platforms provide us with access to a vast amount of information, entertainment, and resources, enabling us to find answers to our questions and make purchases almost instantly. Social media and instant messaging platforms have made it much easier for us to communicate with others and receive feedback in real-time. That’s conditioning us to expect instant gratification.

Constant access to the internet and the easy availability of information contribute to our impulsivity and inability to focus or delay gratification. This decreases our tolerance for delays and increases our expectation for immediate results, leading to impatience and frustration when we don’t get what we want right away.

Too much screen time

Spending excessive amounts of time behind the screens of our televisions, computers, smartphones, and tablets has been linked to a whole range of psychological problems, including depression, anxiety, and reduced self-control and emotional stability. It is also associated with a reduced attention span and memory problems. Our inability to convert short-term memory into long-term memory is making it harder for us to learn and retain information. Excessive screen time also contributes to a number of health-related issues, including poor sleep, obesity, neck, shoulder, and back pain, eye strain, and headaches.

Younger generations have been born into a world saturated with digital technology. Prolonged use of technology, such as smartphones, computers, video games, and televisions, can negatively impact children’s emotional, social and attentional development. This can lead to lower academic performance and impede the development of essential skills like emotional intelligence and communication.

Specifically, excessive screen time can limit children’s opportunities for face-to-face interactions, which are crucial for learning how to understand and interpret non-verbal cues like facial expressions and body language. That can inhibit their ability to develop important social skills, such as empathy.

Time and space for reflection

Prolonged use of digital devices and social media contributes to our cognitive overload, making it more difficult for us to concentrate and process information effectively. It also promotes shallow thinking and addiction to distractions, which negatively impacts our ability to experience deeper emotions such as empathy and compassion.

Finding time and space for reflection in our fast-paced digitally connected world can be challenging. However, it is crucial for our emotional growth because it allows us to process and comprehend our personal experiences, relationships, and emotional responses. Self-reflection leads to a deeper understanding of ourselves and others, which in turn helps us to cultivate greater empathy and compassion.

Managing our use of technology

Managing our use of technology is becoming more challenging in our current digital age, particularly with the prevalence of electronic payments, digital documents, and remote work. Completely disconnecting from smartphones and technology is becoming increasingly unrealistic.

A more realistic approach to addressing our dependence on our apps and devices is to regulate and control our device usage. This involves establishing limits on how much time we’re spending on our devices and making a conscious effort to avoid overuse. By doing so, we can continue to utilize technology in a productive and healthy manner while avoiding the negative consequences of excessive use.

Set designated times to scroll

Designating specific times during the day to check social media, answer texts or emails, or take calls can help to mitigate the constant urge to check our phones. Relegating our social media use to specific times can help us focus on the tasks that need to be attended to during the day. It will also give us opportunities to spend more quality time with the people who matter most to us.

Set aside ten, fifteen, twenty or thirty minutes at various points during the day or in the evening to check your phone, email or social media feeds. You might also consider using a timer. This will give you a sense of control over your phone usage and prevent it from becoming a constant distraction throughout the day.

Digital detox

Taking breaks from your devices and social media, and engaging in activities that do not involve screens, can help you reconnect with your body and mind’s natural rhythms. Going on a digital detox will give you the opportunity to become more present and actively engage with other people and the world around you. It will also help you to reduce or prevent the endless scrolling, binge watching and other compulsive behaviors that you enact when you’re spending too much time behind our screens.

Going on a digital detox involves minimizing the time you spend on your smartphone, social media, or even deleting apps altogether, providing you with the chance to take a break from the constant connectivity and stimulation of technology. One way to do this is to set aside a specific period of time, such as a number of days, weeks, or even months, during which you abstain from social media and other non-essential use of your smartphone and apps. This can help you to improve your overall well-being and give you the space to focus on more important aspects of your life.

Making time to connect

As our use of our devices, social media and other online content is consumes more and more of our available bandwidth, we’re less attuned to our partner and their needs. We’re more likely to miss a lot of the subtle signals that we need to be attentive to. It can also decrease the quality time that we’re spending with our partners. The combination of all the above can result in a decrease in satisfaction with our partner and the relationship.

Stepping away from technology and engaging in face-to-face interactions can provide you with opportunities to deepen your connections with your partner and cultivate a more meaningful and fulfilling relationship. One way to do this is by scheduling a regular “date night.” Committing to date nights, weekends, sharing meals and any other quality time you can spend together can help strengthen your relationship and give you an opportunity to focus on each other without distractions.

Making time to connect also includes spending time with friends and family members, as well as creating opportunities to meet new people. There are many ways to do this, such as setting aside time to hang out and talk, sharing a meal, going hiking, playing games, working on projects or taking part in any other activity that gives you a chance to connect.

Empathy and compassion

Empathy is the ability to understand and connect with the feelings of other people and forms of life. It is crucial for developing and sustaining relationships, as it enables us to recognize and address the emotional needs of others. Empathy also enables us to anticipate the actions and intentions of others, which helps to prevent conflicts and identify potential dangers.

Compassion is an emotional response to the distress of others, characterized by a strong desire to assist and alleviate their suffering. Both empathy and compassion require a range of cognitive and emotional processes that are intricate and time-consuming and are associated with the activation of the prefrontal cortex, a crucial brain region that plays a role in social cognition, emotional regulation, and decision-making. The parts of the brain that are responsible for empathy, such as the anterior cingulate cortex and the insula, take longer to process and respond to the moral and psychological aspects of an interaction or situation.

Empathy is a capacity that is developed over time, not something that can be learned overnight. It’s an ongoing process of increasing our ability to understand and relate to the experiences of others. It’s essential for us to be understanding and patient with ourselves as we work to increase our capacity for empathy.

Digital distractions can make it especially challenging for us to be fully present in the moment and be fully engaged in our interactions, which is a crucial aspect of developing empathy. To reduce digital distractions and improve empathy, it’s helpful to:

• Set boundaries and limit the amount of time you’re spending on digital devices
• Turn off all non-essential notifications or put your phone away during meals and gatherings with friends and family
• Breathe softly and deeply into any feelings and bodily sensations that arise in the midst of your interactions with other people or any other activity you’re engaged in
• Practice active listening and asking questions whenever you’re communicating with others. Pay attention to their words, tone of voice, body language and other non-verbal cues
• Make a concerted effort to understand and respond to their emotions and experiences
• Create time for reflection and understanding of yourself and others. Prioritize activities that encourage introspection and reflection, such as journaling, meditation, or spending time in nature
• Be aware of activities and interactions that waste your time and energy. Limit the time you spend on these superficial activities
  
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