Living with a foot in two worlds, Native Americans were hunters, warriors, farmers, and gatherers who knew how to thrive in the wild. They also depended on the assistance of various forces or beings to ensure their survival. Some individuals, allowing these forces to work through them, were able to facilitate healing of the body, influence the weather, or protect themselves in times of danger. This relationship added immense depth and dimension to their lives.

Indigenous peoples gained access to these forces through intensive ritualistic practices. These practices, developed over centuries, varied from one cultural group to another. Among many Native American tribes of the plains and the American West, it was fairly common to go out alone into the mountains to fast without food or water for periods usually ranging from four and up to seven days and nights. This practice is commonly referred to as the vision quest.

Accounts of the traditional Native American doctors, the kinds of otherworldly experiences they had during the vision quest, and the extraordinary powers they possessed to facilitate healing fascinated me as an adolescent. At fourteen, I decided that if ever given the opportunity, this is what I would do with my life. At fifteen, I started saving money and left on my own shortly after finishing my junior year of high school, with the intention of heading to Arizona. My car only made it as far as Oklahoma.

While living among the Kiowa people, I went “native,” assembling my own feather bustles and dancing in the powwows, sitting up all night in the peyote meetings with the native elders, and in many ways becoming a part of the community. I would sit in rapt attention, listening as some of the Kiowa elders shared accounts of the warriors and traditional doctors who went out to fast alone in the mountains. They spoke of how other forces or beings would often come to these individuals and offer them some kind of healing gift or power.

There were many different kinds of powers. Some individuals were gifted with special kinds of power, referred to as “medicine,” that allowed them to facilitate the healing of specific types of health-related issues. There were individuals who possessed a kind of power that enabled them to bring the rain or to change the course of a tornado, while others possessed “war medicine,” a power that prevented them from being wounded or killed in battle.

The medicine, whether in the form of healing gifts or other powers, was, in many instances, passed down through generations in families or from one of the traditional doctors to a younger apprentice. The traditional doctors were very selective when it came time to choose an apprentice, which usually occurred toward the end of their lives.

Native elders would say that one cannot just receive these transmissions of power and “run with the ball.” One has to actually earn the right to work with the medicine by going through the vision quest; otherwise, the medicine will not work properly for them.

Shortly after beginning my apprenticeship with Horace Daukei, one of the last surviving traditional Kiowa doctors, he had me fasting in a remote area of Southwestern Colorado close to the ancient Anasazi Mesa Verde ruins. Horace intensified the process by having me go into the sweat lodge repeatedly during the fast.

Horace, like many native doctors in times past, possessed paranormal abilities. He would take objects, such as the end of a feather, seeded with his power, and physically project it into my body. The impact I felt as Horace transmitted portions of his healing gifts to me was so great that it caused me to go unconscious for a brief instant. The power of those transmissions would emanate from my body for some time afterward.

The native doctors who were truly committed typically went through the vision quest many times over the course of their lives. Their connection to the higher power and the medicine they possessed grew ever stronger, and in many instances, they received additional healing gifts and other kinds of power.

Indigenous healers from diverse cultural backgrounds throughout the world serve as conduits, allowing other forces or beings to work through them to facilitate healing that would not otherwise be possible. A number of distinct beings that facilitate the healing of specific kinds of health-related issues can work through these native healers. These beings, or “helper spirits” as they were referred to by the native elders, come forward to assist an individual whenever their unique healing capabilities are required.

Healers among the Native American tribes are commonly referred to as doctors by their own people. These traditional doctors possessed many different kinds of “medicine” or healing powers. Each of the native doctors had their own areas of specialization, and they were known for their ability to assist people with particular health concerns. For instance, some native doctors specialized in assisting people with neurological disorders, while others worked primarily with respiratory or circulatory conditions. Some of the traditional doctors among the Kiowa people possessed a kind of power that enabled them to remove a bullet or arrow and then seal the open wound.

Most people among the Plains Indian tribes went through the vision quest, participated in the sun dance, or engaged in other intensive ritual practices in times past. Tribes in other parts of the country took part in their own kinds of ritual practices. These practices were just a normal part of their lives. Ever since the Native American tribes were removed from their ancestral homelands and forced onto reservations, the convenience and comfort of our modern world, along with sugar-laden and other heavily processed foods, alcohol and other recreational drugs, and now distractive technologies, have pulled native people away from their traditional cultures. Sadly, native spiritual traditions have been dying out. Many native languages, cultural traditions that have existed for hundreds, and in some instances thousands, of years, and various ritual practices through which they connected with a higher power are now completely lost.

People in our modern world, having a very limited understanding of indigenous peoples, their cultures, and spiritual practices such as the vision quest, have often asked me if it's really necessary for a person to go through such an arduous ordeal involving fasting without both food and water. I usually respond by telling them how the native elders would often say that these other forces or beings recognize the sacrifices a person makes to receive the medicine and other kinds of power that will enable them to assist others and help themselves. It causes these beings to feel compassion for an individual who is willing to undergo such an intense ordeal, who then offer their gifts to reward those who make these sacrifices.

People have asked me on many occasions how one prepares for the vision quest. Preparation is a critically important part of the process, and for me, it's ongoing. It starts with maintaining a healthy diet, getting adequate rest, and exercising regularly. Any stress or tension held within my body is greatly magnified while I'm on the mountain. Getting deep tissue bodywork beforehand helps to break up and dissolve areas of stress and chronic tension, making the vision quest somewhat more bearable. Breathing softly and deeply while immersing my awareness in the depths of any feelings or bodily sensations that arise also softens and dissolves areas of stagnation and emotional body armor, enabling me to be more receptive to the powerful forces working on my behalf.

When I first get to the mountain, I'm often exhausted from the long hours of work and travel over the preceding days and weeks. I tend to fall asleep early in the evening and sleep until the next morning. I usually sleep for short intervals during the subsequent days and nights. My dreams are incredibly vivid, intense, and animated. I feel much more involved in the dreams, sensing myself working through all kinds of issues.

The hunger, thirst, and other suffering one goes through during a vision quest can be extraordinarily difficult at times. The mountain I have been going to is covered with a diverse range of plants, including sage, cactus, yucca, and juniper bushes, which provide only limited shade. The mountain is largely composed of limestone, and the ground is very rough, making it especially challenging to find a comfortable place to sit or lie down. My butt, back, and other parts of my body ache from sitting and lying on the ground. Temperatures are usually more bearable during the spring and fall, although I have been on the mountain when temperatures have dropped into the teens and at other times risen to the nineties. Thunderstorms are common, and it has, at times, rained for days on end. When it's raining, if there's no lightning, I put on a rain poncho and walk in the rain. On one occasion, when the weather report was grossly inaccurate, I was seriously unprepared for the elements, lacking the necessary clothing to stay warm, and found myself buried under six inches of snow.

The wind can be incredibly strong at times, sometimes kicking up so much dust and pollen that it causes my eyes to burn and makes it difficult to breathe. Chiggers, mosquitoes, and flies can be prevalent during the warmer months and have been especially bad some years, forcing me to douse myself with insect repellent and tea tree oil to keep from being eaten alive. The rattlesnakes also come out of their dens during the warmer months. Fortunately, the rattlesnakes prefer to hang out on the south side of the mountain. Even though I stay at the top of the mountain, I’m always watching my step.

Like most people, I keep myself busy in my everyday life. Yet, on the mountain, without all the distractions, it's just me and whatever I'm going through at the moment. Time seems to drag, and boredom sets in. By the second, third, and even more so on the fourth day, there are times when I feel so exhausted that I don't even want to move, experiencing discomforts that I can't even put into words. Throughout the four days and nights, I make a concerted effort to stop fighting and let down my resistance to what's happening. Breathing softly and deeply, I feel myself becoming more open to whatever I'm experiencing in the moment. I can feel the presence of these spirits growing stronger as I allow myself to open up and surrender into the experience.

I can always feel myself decompressing whenever I'm on the mountain. There have been so many instances when I assumed that I had dealt with a person or situation, only to have all these highly charged emotions and impressions that have been held within my body resurface. I can feel myself digesting the stressful life events and the emotions attached to them and resolving the internal conflicts. During and afterward, I often find myself thinking and feeling, “I really needed this.”

From the top of the mountain, I can see for miles, the plain below stretching out in all directions and other mountains off in the distance. Even though I struggle with the hunger and thirst, there are also periods when the discomforts subside. At times, I feel as if I am part of the Earth and have a feeling of being very much at home. On clear nights, I love to lie out in the open, seeing the moon and the millions of stars in the sky above. During the stillness of the night, I sometimes experience moments of transcendence, feeling connected to something so vast and eternal.

People have on many occasions asked me, “What's your motivation?” “Why do you keep putting yourself through all this?” I keep returning to the mountain for a number of reasons. I've always had a great deal of admiration for the traditional native doctors and how they were able to serve as conduits to facilitate healing within the bodies and minds of others. Every time I go through the vision quest, the presence working through me grows stronger, and I sometimes receive additional gifts of healing that enable me to better assist people with a wider range of health-related issues.

Serving as a conduit to facilitate the healing of people's bodies and minds in our modern world can, at times, be incredibly challenging. I sometimes feel as though I'm straddling two vastly different worlds. Over the years, I have had the opportunity to work with thousands of people, many of whom have healed from emotional wounding and a wide range of health-related issues. These individuals truly appreciate the work. Yet, the vast majority of people do not comprehend these kinds of healing gifts and how they can better their lives, which is not at all surprising since it's not a part of their culture, and they have never experienced anything like this before, so they have no point of reference.

Maintaining a practice has also become considerably more difficult as people have become more tethered to distractive technologies such as smartphones and social media, which are rewiring their brains by changing the neurostructure and altering the biochemical makeup by continually triggering the brain's dopamine reward cycle. Excessive use of these technologies also makes it extraordinarily difficult for people to focus their attention for any significant length of time. With people's attention continually drawn to their devices and feeds, they become more easily distracted, more disconnected from, and less aware of their bodies, emotions, and inner core being, rendering many incapable of doing the deep-level work necessary to facilitate healing.

Working in a culture where many people have no reference for these kinds of healing practices, combined with the pervasive influence of distractive technologies, has forced me to work much harder to connect with those individuals who are receptive, willing, and able to do what it takes to truly heal. For this reason, I have relied on the vision quests to sustain me.

I have an acute sense of the stresses that accumulate within my body as a result of sometimes difficult, frustrating, and otherwise unpleasant interactions. I can feel the wear and tear on my body, and at times, feelings of disappointment, anger, and other emotions that I haven't been able to fully process on my own still held within my body. I can feel the forces or beings working with me while I'm on the mountain, helping me to “digest” all that I've gone through over the preceding months—the many interactions along with the subsequent emotions that I have yet to process—and that has given me the strength to keep moving forward.

Working with people of all ages, I watch with great fascination as children, adolescents, and young adults develop new resources and capabilities. What concerns me is the lack of awareness of one's own emotions, body, and internal processes that I see in much of the population. Most have not learned how to work effectively with their own emotions and are therefore not thoroughly digesting their lived experiences or subsequent emotional responses. I watch how so many people contract around the deeply wounding experiences that have occurred in their lives and how it stunts, if not completely stops, their growth. My greatest fear is that of stagnation. One of the things I appreciate about the vision quest is that it makes it possible for me to continue to evolve.

Even though I knew what I wanted to do with my life from the age of fourteen, I wasn’t very present in my body and lacked many of the resources needed to implement my vision or even function in many respects. I often felt intimidated by other people and the situations I found myself in. During the times I've been on the mountain, I could feel these beings working within me to build the much-needed foundation while also instilling additional resources. As I've continued to go through the vision quest, I've felt more of myself inhabiting my body. I've also noticed that I have become more resourceful and highly functioning, better equipped to interact with people and handle the various situations and challenges I face.

For years, I wanted more than anything to have someone in my life that I could love and be loved by, yet I often found myself reenacting the traumas of my childhood and adolescence. I kept forming attachments to women who were disinterested, unavailable, highly dysfunctional, and, in some instances, quite abusive. I also spent long periods of time alone, unable to develop the meaningful connections I longed for. This evoked extraordinarily painful emotions, exacerbating the previously existing trauma I was carrying, and left me feeling like there was no way out.

There have been so many instances while I was on the mountain where I could feel the beings working within me to heal the traumas going as far back as early childhood or occurring at other times in my life. They were helping me digest all these lived experiences and the extraordinarily painful emotions. It would sometimes intensify to the point that it felt as though I was going through a near-death experience, with the imagery and feelings associated with all these events—both recent and from my distant past—flashing rapidly through my mind. I could recognize the themes that had played out through successive relationships. I could also feel the deeply entrenched patterns being dissolved, everything transforming in such a way that it became fuel for growth.

As the deep emotional wounds healed and I no longer felt anxious, traumatized, or starved for love, I could feel the unhealthy attachments dissolving. This enabled me to let go and move on. No longer wanting, needing, or even caring, I felt a growing sense of lightness and became more accepting and appreciative of myself.

Getting through the four days and nights on the mountain can be incredibly difficult, yet I love the sense of euphoria afterward. In addition to preparing myself for the vision quest, what I do afterwards is also critically important. Breathing into all the feelings and sensations that arise during and after the vision quest helps me to process the issues and emotions that continue to work their way up into my conscious awareness. Digesting whatever comes up enables me to get so much more mileage out of the process.

My sleep is incredibly deep in the weeks after my time on the mountain, and my dreams are much more vivid. My senses are also greatly heightened, which can sometimes make it difficult for me to be around people because I feel everything they're holding in their bodies. I usually spend more time alone, doing a lot more meditation practice. During this time, I feel much more connected with dogs and the animals I encounter in the wild.

I always have an acute sense of my own limits. I can feel the places within myself where I'm still vulnerable and reactive to stressful or challenging people or situations. I never really know how the process will play out after I come down from the mountain, but I always pay close attention to any emotions or issues that surface and to how I respond to people and situations. With each vision quest, I'm less reactive, more resourceful, better able to assert myself, and handle situations. And I can't help but notice that people are also kinder and more helpful.

Despite the many challenges I've faced, the vision quests help me adapt, become more resilient, and provide me with the determination needed to do what needs to be done. Other changes I've noticed are that my intellectual and emotional range has increased considerably and continues to grow, giving me a much greater depth of insight. My processing capacity has increased, making it easier for me to work through issues and come up with workable solutions.

Much of the healing, growth and transformation that I experience during the vision quest gets passed on to the people I work with. For instance, as my own emotional wounds heal, and I work through specific issues and emotions or develop new resources and abilities, I’ll start to see these same changes showing up in the people that I'm working with.

As my sensory capabilities have opened up, I can truly see and feel how people are wounded emotionally, the issues they struggle with, and the health challenges they're facing. I'm better able to monitor the progression of those who work with me as their bodies and minds heal and as they develop the necessary resources to live more meaningful and productive lives. My insight and understanding has also grown considerably.

In recent years, it has come to light the extent to which so many of us have experienced various forms of trauma and its pervasive impact upon us. While a plethora of therapies addressing trauma have become more widely available, I find that many are limited in their effectiveness. In fact, I can still see and feel the trauma held within so many people's bodies. What's most concerning is that, for the vast majority, these traumatic wounds never fully heal. One of the things I'm most grateful for is that by going through the vision quests repeatedly, many of the traumas I had suffered, which most people usually live with for the remainder of their lives, have healed.

There’s an old native saying that goes, “Power told is power lost.” Native people didn't share their visions or reveal the kinds of powers that they possessed. Although I, too, have had numerous visionary experiences on the mountain, I keep them to myself. The power I feel while on the mountain when the various forces or beings begin to work with me can be so intense at times that I feel as if I want to jump out of my skin. Yet there are other times when their presence feels very comforting and nurturing to me.

People have asked me on numerous occasions, “How do you know these beings are safe and good? How can you trust them?” What I speak of is unfamiliar to most people in our modern day world because it hasn't been a part of our culture. As I mentioned before, indigenous people have, for thousands of years, relied upon the forces of nature to facilitate healing and provide for their other needs. I feel completely safe, and I have a great deal of trust in the beings that have facilitated my healing. These same forces or beings continue to work with me after I come down from the mountain. They also come through to assist the people I work with during the individual healing sessions.

For over three decades, I have been returning to the Wichita Mountains in the spring and fall. The fact that I initially carried so much trauma and have faced a great deal of adversity meant there were times when I found it difficult to make sense of what was happening and wondered if I was making any progress at all. Yet, something inside kept pulling me back to the mountain. And with each vision quest, the incremental changes have become more readily apparent.