Martha is currently in a situation where she urgently needs to find employment and yet is experiencing a lot of inertia, accompanied by feelings of fear and internal resistance. During our session the other day, I had Martha sit with her eyes closed, while holding her current circumstances in the forefront of her awareness. I then had her bring her attention to any feelings or bodily sensations that arose in response to her present situation.
At periodic intervals, I would check in to ask Martha what she was feeling. At one point, she told me she felt like a loser. She was experiencing a loss of hope and didn’t feel motivated to try further because her past efforts hadn’t amounted to much. When I checked in again after some time, Martha described feeling a sense of blindness, as though there were a barrier preventing her from recognizing potential opportunities. Martha then told me that she wasn’t able to see a way forward.
The Journey to Embodiment
Relating to Martha’s sentiments, I remember how in my twenties, I first became cognizant of the fact that I wasn’t fully present in my body and lacked many of the resources needed to be fully functional. Since that time, I have made a consistent effort on a daily basis to become more fully embodied and to develop the capabilities I need to accomplish my objectives.
Embodied engagement is an ongoing process — in other words, something that I have thought, intuited, and felt my way through over many years. It’s a process that I teach to everyone who works with me for some time.
The Absence of Mirroring and Acknowledgment
As children, if we experienced a lack of interest from our parents in our passions or achievements, it could have profound long-term effects. The absence of mirroring or acknowledgement in those formative years can be deeply wounding. Because we didn’t receive the much-needed validation, we might experience an absence of joy and enthusiasm, leaving us feeling emotionally flat. This can significantly hinder our ability to discern what truly matters, leaving us adrift without clear direction, purpose, or passion. Consequently, we may find it challenging to motivate ourselves.
In conversations, Martha indicated on multiple occasions that she and her mother were on completely different wavelengths and therefore didn’t get each other. Her mother, lacking empathy and prone to bad moods, would sometimes give Martha the silent treatment, which could last for days. Martha often felt her mom was mad at her, yet she didn’t know why. All of this was happening at a time when she didn’t have much know-how or the power to effect meaningful change.
Learned Helplessness
For those of us who have endured significant abuse, losses, hardship, and setbacks, whether in childhood or later stages of life, there’s a tendency to internalize the suffering we’ve faced. The sadness, hurt, and other painful emotions we carry within can become incapacitating, affecting us to varying degrees. This internalized pain often leads to a state of learned helplessness, where finding a way out seems almost impossible. In such states, even when we desperately wish to change our circumstances, we may find ourselves at a loss, not quite knowing how to help ourselves effectively.
I cannot help but see and feel the deeply wounded parts of self, resulting from the hardships, setbacks and trauma experienced and the emotions held within the body whenever I look into people’s bodies and minds. The traumas of my own childhood and adolescence that carried over into my adult life had an incapacitating effect, but their influence has lessened as I’ve continued to progress along my healing journey.
Internal Resistance
When we try to move forward, whether pursuing our desires, attending to our needs, or attempting to better ourselves and our circumstances, we frequently encounter a great deal of internal resistance. This resistance often stems from feelings like hurt, loss, fear and frustration, which reside deep within our bodies, creating a sense of inertia. Such emotions can be so overwhelming that we don’t feel like making the effort and can leave us feeling thwarted in our endeavors.
Moreover, we tend to attract people and situations that present seemingly unsurmountable obstacles, further evoking those painful emotions we’d rather avoid. As a result, many people find themselves in a state of contraction, where they don’t try, don’t assert themselves, and remain stuck, unable to progress past these internal and external barriers.
Seeking Solace from Struggle
Many people struggle to break through their inertia. Because it feels so uncomfortable facing the challenges of life head-on and dealing with our subsequent emotional responses, many of us reflexively revert to endlessly scrolling through our Instagram, TikTok, and other social media feeds. We binge on YouTube and Netflix. Or we self-medicate with alcohol, pot, and other recreational drugs. Not only are we failing to develop the crucial resources needed to realize our goals, but we’re actually losing ground due to the atrophying of our existing resources. This invariably reinforces our stuckness and sense of helplessness.
Meditation for Navigating Life’s Challenges More Effectively
Starting in my mid-twenties, I began to develop an intensive series of meditation practices. Bringing as much awareness as I can to my feelings and bodily sensations while breathing softly and deeply has helped me to become more fully present. For many years now, I have been teaching these practices to everyone I work with.
We all encounter difficult or challenging people and situations that can leave us feeling stressed out, evoking a range of unpleasant emotions and a sense of being thwarted. At times, it can become so painful that we feel like we want to back off, collapse, or give up.
It’s important for us, when confronted with difficult circumstances, to bring these concerns — the challenges we’re facing — to the forefront of our awareness. It’s crucial to notice how we’re feeling in response to these challenges, as well as where any feelings or sensations are situated in our bodies. We then need to breathe softly and deeply as we center our awareness in the depths of these feelings and bodily sensations.
Working with this practice helps us to ‘digest’ these stressful or challenging life experiences and our subsequent emotional responses. It enables us to find the strength, creativity, and other essential resources that we need to carry on despite the difficulties and navigate our lives more successfully. Working consistently with this practice not only helps us to manage our current circumstances but also increases our range of motion, enabling us to become more highly functional.
Becoming More Engaged in Our Interactions
I enjoy connecting with one or a few people at a time and, in some instances, with groups. Yet, being an introvert, there are times when I just want space and feel a need for hours and even days of solitude. In moments of solitude, I decompress, digest my life experiences, tap into an infinite source of creativity and come up with workable solutions to life’s many challenges.
Living in our modern-day world is in many ways a balancing act for me. I much prefer anonymity and would love to spend my life doing hours of intensive daily practice like the Taoist masters, Indian yogis and adepts of other ancient spiritual traditions. And yet, succeeding in my work in our current era of digital distraction forces me to go against my nature and be far more extroverted than I’m comfortable with. That often means interacting with people even when I don’t feel like it. It also means having to develop more of a presence on social media.
In my interactions with the public, family, and friends, I can feel when I’m less engaged, and there are times when it’s a conscious choice. There are also instances in which I feel contracted, intimidated, inauthentic, or just not as fully present as I want or need to be. In these moments, I intentionally bring more presence into the moment, open my senses and body to my immediate experience, and become more open and honest about what I’m thinking and feeling, even if it makes others uncomfortable. I’ll also breathe into any feelings or sensations I’m experiencing in the midst of my interactions or whatever else I’m doing.
I often encourage people to pay close attention to how they show up in their life circumstances and in their interactions with others. Notice what you’re feeling emotionally and how your body is responding. Purposefully open your mind and body to engage more fully with the people and situations you choose to interact with. As you do this, breathe deeply into any feelings of inhibition or discomfort, as well as into the pleasurable emotions and sensations that arise when you’re enjoying a connection with someone or engaging in an activity you love.
Technology Frustrations
I lacked many of the resources I needed when I began my practice in the late eighties and struggled to survive during those first years. But as time went on and I developed greater proficiency, my practice grew. I really enjoyed the work I did with people and found it rewarding to see people’s bodies and minds heal. But all that changed as smartphones became more widely available and people began to spend more and more time consuming social and other digital media. As people became ever more distracted, developing a kind of digital ADHD and losing touch with their inner being, I’ve had to work so much harder to reach more people and hold their attention.
I much prefer to work with people in-person and have long resisted bringing my work online. And yet, I have little choice other than to adapt if I’m going to continue to succeed in my practice. There are times when I’ve become so frustrated and felt so overwhelmed and confused by all the technology I need to make sense of, and the complexities of online marketing. Sometimes it gets to the point where I want to say, ‘Fuck it,’ throw the computer out the window, and walk away.
Lockdown and other realities of Covid-19 have only accelerated the movement from in-person engagement towards online interactions. People, becoming less present, are not showing up in-person to events as much. That only adds to the pressure I had already been feeling to adapt. While facing tech challenges and working with online marketing, I would often force myself to sit with the feelings of frustration and overwhelm as I continued working, breathing into them. Not only have I broken through a great deal of inertia, but I have also developed greater proficiency in working with the technology and reaching people online. I still have a long way to go, but as I gain more traction, I continue to make greater headway.
Becoming More Physically Engaged
After watching a few too many Kung Fu movies, I had wanted for the longest time to train in the Chinese martial arts. In the fall of 2002, I began to train with Shifu Li Tai Liang. The various forms and applications of Xin Yi Quan and Baguazhang are both incredibly intricate and strenuous. But there’s a way that they engage more of my body, brain, and mind, bridging the gaps between these aspects of myself. By doing so, they enable me to become more fully present in my body. The benefits of this increased embodiment have a positive impact on my state of mind and overall health as it spills over into other aspects of my life.
The sports that so many people enjoy bore the shit out of me. But I love to go for long meditative walks, to hike in the mountains and to play frisbee. We all need to be physically active. I encourage you to do any physical activity you enjoy, whether it’s sports, working out, yoga, martial arts, swimming, walking, hiking or running. Remember to bring as much awareness as you can to your physical body and all it’s sensations and to your immediate experience as you engage in any physical activity.
The Power of Desire
Our desires, when we learn to work with them, can help us become more embodied. When cultivated, these desires become a powerful force that simultaneously pulls us towards what we want, while attracting what we desire to us. Breathing into our desires creates a positive feed-forward loop that has an awakening effect on our emotions and physical body. Breathing while fully immersed in the desires we experience within our bodies also amplifies the force of our desire.
Breathing into the strong desire you feel for what you want in life creates momentum that propels you forward. As your desires propel you forward, you’re also going to encounter more of the physical world manifestations of your emotional wounding, be it in people you meet or circumstances you face. Remember to breathe into any feelings that arise in response to these manifestations.
The Instinctual Mind
Many of us are not all that present in our bodies. We’re not in touch with our desires and don’t have a clear sense of what it is that we want or need to be doing. This may be partly due to the emotional wounding resulting from the trauma or neglect we experienced as a child, or the hardships and setbacks we’ve endured in our adult lives.
Our deepest passions and sense of purpose are rooted in our abdomen. Bringing our awareness into the abdomen helps to activate these parts of ourselves. Start by bringing as much awareness as you can to your abdominal region. Breathe softly and deeply while fully immersing your awareness within any bodily sensations that you’re able to access within the abdomen. And feel even deeper into the sensations occurring within the intestines if you can. Continue to follow these feelings and bodily sensations as they go through their progression.
For many people, the feelings and sensations within the abdomen can initially be very subtle. At first, some may not feel much of anything. Yet, the feelings and sensations will gradually become more vivid as you continue to work with this practice.
One of the added benefits of working with what I refer to as the ‘Instinctual Mind Meditation’ is that it will help you to become more firmly rooted in your body. With consistent practice, you begin to develop a felt sense in your body of what you need to be doing. As you develop a greater presence, your momentum will build, and that will make it easier for you to break through the inertia.
The Alchemy of the Body and Soul
Shifu Li Tai Liang, who isn’t all that fluid in English, once said to me in so many words, ‘…all of our spirit or soul doesn’t descend into the body. In the Taoist lineages, there is an understanding that part of the purpose of combining the Chi Gong practices to build internal power and the physical discipline involved in practicing the various forms such as those used in fighting is to bring more of the soul into the body.’ He explained that the Yin-Yang diagram signifies the masculine and feminine aspects of body and soul, or the heavens and the Earth. Through practice, one engages in a kind of alchemy, a merging of these forces, to become more embodied while cultivating greater power.
Vision Quest
My mentor, Horace Daukei, was one of the last surviving traditional doctors (medicine men) among the Kiowa Tribe. Horace transmitted portions of his own healing gifts to me. He then had me go on the vision quest, a traditional Native American practice that involves fasting alone in the mountains for four days and nights without food or water in order to earn the right to work with these gifts of healing.
I missed a number of years in my twenties but returned to the Wichita Mountains in Southwestern Oklahoma to go on the vision quest shortly after my thirty-first birthday. I had been feeling a strong pull to go on the vision quest to further help me develop the healing gifts that would enable me to be of greater service to others. What I didn’t anticipate beforehand is that it would facilitate the healing of my own traumatic wounds. At times during the vision quest, I could feel an extraordinarily powerful presence working within my body to facilitate the healing of traumas held within my body. In many instances, I would relive these traumas, along with the emotions and sensory impressions associated with those events.
I’ve always had a vision of my life’s purpose, and yet I lacked many of the resources needed to make it happen. I often felt as though I were pushing right up against my limits.
Whenever I go on the vision quest, I always come out the other side with greater clarity. I feel a sense of renewal along with a growing determination to do what needs to be done. Every time I go, I’m also gaining access to new resources and developing additional capabilities, and I find that I’m becoming more highly functional.
The Next Step on Your Healing Journey
As I’ve progressed along my own healing journey and have become more embodied, I cannot help but notice that many people who struggle to break through the inertia are not all that present in their bodies. I can also feel how their emotional wounding causes varying degrees of incapacitation.
Whenever I work with people individually, I guide them to identify what it is they truly desire and determine constructive steps they can be taking on a daily basis to realize these desires. Often, the difficulties these individuals face will elicit unpleasant emotional responses. As this happens, I’ll teach them how to work constructively with the emotional responses that arise.
Working constructively with their emotional responses in this way helps them to engage their mind’s creative problem-solving capabilities, tap into additional resources and to become more fully present. As they reengage, work towards their objectives and face the challenges head-on, they’re able to make significant headway.
Having trained with a traditional Native American doctor (medicine man) and gone through many vision quests, I serve as a conduit, allowing an extraordinarily powerful presence to work through me. This presence facilitates a process through which you digest past traumas and other deeply wounding experiences, as well as the highly charged emotions attached to them. As that happens, you gain clarity, and a deeply felt sense of purpose and direction in your life. This presence simultaneously builds a much stronger internal foundation, giving you considerable access to greater resources while enabling you to develop the capabilities needed to realize your true potential and fulfill your life’s purpose.
Healing and growth required to cut through the inertia is going to require courage, commitment and consistency on your part. Reach out to me when you’re ready to take the next step along your healing journey.
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