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When I talk about breathing, some people dismiss it as being overly simplistic. They don’t take it seriously. Yet how you breathe has a profound effect on your physiology, and on your ability to work effectively with your own emotions, to cycle through heartbreak and other forms of adversity, and to cope with the stresses of daily life. When breathing is shallow and unconscious, it quietly reinforces numbing, disconnection, contraction, and overwhelm. When it becomes mindful and embodied, it can become one of the most stabilizing tools you have.

There are many forms of breathwork, which I won’t go into here. For the most part, I believe these practices can be incredibly helpful. That said, I do have concerns about some of the more intense breathwork practices I see people doing, especially when they’re done too aggressively or too often.

Certain forms of intensive breathwork can be quite destabilizing for some individuals, particularly those with preexisting psychiatric issues, or those predisposed toward them, pushing them right over the edge. For those who have suffered trauma and are carrying a lot of painful emotion in their bodies, intensive breathwork can also bring that trauma and a flood of overwhelming emotions to the surface all at once.

In my practice, I have helped to stabilize some of these individuals by getting them grounded in their bodies and restoring their ability to function.

Some of the sensations people experience during these intensive forms of breathwork, tingling, warmth, lightness, and waves moving through the body, are a normal part of the process. When you’re healthy and resilient, it can wake you up, sharpen your awareness, and make meditation far more alive. It can also help break up stagnant emotion held in the body, allowing what’s been buried to rise to the surface so you can finally work with it.

Most all of us have read, heard, or been advised multiple times, “Take a deep breath… take a few deep breaths…”

One… a few?!

Sure, it may take the edge off for a moment. Yet most people go right back to the same habitual shallow breathing that feeds their stress response.

That shallow breathing quietly amplifies their struggle to cope with the challenges they’re facing and the emotions tied to them.

First, I want to start with how to breathe in a way that helps you become more fully embodied. This way of breathing also begins to activate the innate healing intelligence residing within your body and mind, making it possible for you to digest your lived experiences, heartbreak, work-related or financial stress, whatever challenges you’re facing, and the emotions that arise in response to what’s happening in your life.

Start by breathing as softly and slowly as you can.

Breathe all the way down into your abdomen, feeling your abdomen expand.

Then continue inhaling as your ribcage and chest cavity expand.

At the top of the inhale, pause, holding your breath for a moment.

Now exhale, all the way out.

Pause again.

Now continue this cycle.

If you’re going through a breakup, divorce, you’ve been ghosted, you’re strung out on someone emotionally, in the midst of some other kind of painful relational drama, or you’re facing adversity in other areas of your life, these experiences elicit a lot of difficult, and at times painful, emotional responses.

Most of us contract around the difficult and painful experiences we’re facing, and what we’re feeling in response to them. And a big part of what maintains that contraction is shallow breathing. Because when we’re breathing shallow, we can’t process as thoroughly what we’re experiencing, or what we’re feeling.

Like most people, you’re probably not all that conscious of your breathing. It happens largely outside of your awareness. And most of the time, you’re breathing shallowly, high in your chest.

That reinforces your stuckness.

It makes it a lot harder to cycle through whatever challenges you’re facing, and the emotional responses that aren’t being digested end up getting trapped in your body. That creates more stagnation. It prevents you from healing, from truly letting go, and moving on.

In order to truly heal, cycle through the devastation of a breakup, divorce, ghosting, or any other kind of painful loss, to be more adaptive and responsive, and better handle the challenges you’re faced with, whatever they may be, I encourage you to make a concerted effort to be more mindful of how you’re breathing.

Whenever you catch yourself breathing shallowly, slow down and deepen your breathing. As you do so, bring as much awareness as you possibly can to your breath. Feel the air entering your nostrils, your lungs, your abdomen and chest expanding. Feel into the pause as you hold your breath at the top of the inhalation. Feel as deeply as you can into the exhalation, and then into the pause at the bottom of the exhalation.

Continue returning to this cycle of slow, deep, rhythmic breathing throughout your day, so that over time it begins to feel more natural and familiar.

Now let’s build on that by bringing this practice into your everyday life. Wherever you go and whatever you do, bring as much awareness as you can to what you’re experiencing moment by moment — the space you’re occupying, the people you’re engaging with, what you’re saying or doing, and any emotions or bodily sensations that arise as you do so.

I make a deliberate effort to do this whenever I’m engaging in an important conversation or navigating difficult or challenging circumstances. This deepens the interaction and helps me move through internal resistance, respond more effectively to people and situations, adapt more readily, and come up with creative, workable solutions when needed.

A mindful breath practice like the one I’m describing helps you become more embodied while engaging your body and mind’s innate healing intelligence. With consistent practice, it becomes easier to cycle through difficult or challenging situations, along with any stresses or emotions that arise, keeping you more fluid, more adaptable, more responsive, and better able to remain present, engaged, and able to learn and grow from your lived experiences.

If you’d like to deepen this kind of embodied breathing practice, we can set up a time to work together. You can reach me at (332) 333-5155 or ben@benoofana.com

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