Most of us have never learned to work constructively with our emotions, primarily because we were never taught how. As a result, we tend to internalize the stresses of daily life, along with our emotional reactions to difficult, upsetting, or anxiety-provoking events and interactions. This often leads us to contract around unpleasant emotions and stress, resulting in a narrowing of our focus and a loss of flexibility—stifling our growth. It’s a pattern that far too many of us fall into, one that detrimentally impacts our health and ages us prematurely.

Have you ever walked into a room where someone is angry or upset and, without them saying a word, you could feel it? Emotions, while not visible to the eye, or tangible as a solid object, have a substance to them. Emotions and stresses that are not processed accumulate and are held within the various organs, tissues, and cells of our bodies.

Much of the stress and emotion that we internalize creates chronic tension throughout the body. This unprocessed stress often accumulates, particularly in our neck and shoulders. It can also build up in other areas, such as our chest cavity, which restricts our breathing, in our jaw, leading us to grind our teeth, and in our abdomen, affecting our digestive organs’ ability to assimilate food and eliminate waste.

In most cultures, there has been—and in many instances, still is—a lack of emotional literacy. Over the past few decades, our awareness of the important role that emotions play in our well-being has increased. Yet, many people remain too much in their heads, tending to overanalyze and superficially process their emotional responses, if at all. Much of their emotional responses, along with the stresses of everyday life, remain trapped within their bodies.

We're all impacted by the difficult, upsetting, infuriating, anxiety-provoking, and stressful events of our lives, as well as those occurring in our communities, nationally, and globally. Many of us fail to register the impact of these stresses despite their adverse effects on us. That's why I want to call your attention to some of these stressors. We need to be able to identify and acknowledge these stressors, bring them fully into our awareness, and then work constructively with our stress and emotional responses in order to thoroughly digest them. More on this will come later in the article.

All of us, at times in our lives, find ourselves dealing with circumstances that leave us feeling overwhelmed—whether as college students working and going to school, or as single parents or even a couple caring for young children while also working to support the family. These are just a few of many examples. Under these circumstances, we may not have much time for self-care. That's why I encourage people in these kinds of situations to do the best they can to find moments of stillness and quiet where they can decompress and digest.

Frog in a Pot: The Impact of Stress on Our Body and Mind

It depends on the profession you're in and your place of employment. There have been significant improvements in some areas, but for many, working conditions have declined over the past few decades, with employers increasingly demanding more from their employees. For instance, I've worked with a number of people employed by Chase and other banks, or working in the financial industry, some of whom have worked up to sixty hours a week. I've heard numerous accounts of employees being fired, quitting, retiring, or being unable to work due to health crises—often partly precipitated by work-related stress. In such cases, the remaining employees are expected to do their existing job while also taking on the responsibilities of the employee(s) who left.

Many people living in survival mode are under enormous financial stress, wondering how they're going to pay the rent. It doesn't help matters when landlords jack up the rents. Rents in New York City can and often do increase by hundreds or even over a thousand dollars a month—for what often amounts to cramped, dilapidated spaces that are poorly insulated for sound—spaces that I refer to as rat hole apartments. Day and night, residents have to contend with traffic noise, blowing car horns, car alarms and garbage and delivery trucks, along with their neighbors' television, music, and conversations. The city's ever-increasing rents are largely due to the incessant greed of property owners and the real estate industry taking their cut, and the excessive number of people packing into the city, creating inordinately high demand.

Prices have risen sharply on many items since the Covid-19 pandemic. Despite record profits, numerous corporations have taken advantage of the situation by jacking up prices, a practice commonly referred to as greedflation. Another increasingly common practice, shrinkflation, involves selling smaller amounts of tortilla chips and other food items for the same or higher prices. The rising cost of putting food on the table is, for many, evoking a whole range of distressing emotions.

So many of us are not getting enough sleep due to a number of factors, including long hours of work, lengthy commutes, and the demands placed on us by our employers, such as reading and responding to work-related emails or being on call. Many of us are also spending a lot of additional time scrolling through our social media feeds on our phones, tablets, and computers—often late into the night when we should be going to bed. Once we do lie down, we often find it difficult to fall asleep. Consequently, many of us are chronically sleep-deprived. When we're not getting enough rest, it impedes our ability to process our lived experiences and our subsequent cognitive and emotional responses.

I still vividly remember growing up in the seventies and eighties when there was so much more space. In 1980, the global population was around 4.5 billion. At the time of this writing, it is estimated to be 8.1 billion. Often, when I return to places in the United States or Sri Lanka where I've either lived or spent a lot of time, I see housing developments, shopping centers, supermarkets, strip malls, high rises, and office complexes where there used to be neighborhoods and open fields not all that long ago. Sometimes it feels as though there is no longer room to breathe.

Cities such as Colombo, Sri Lanka, and Mumbai, and other major cities in India do not have the infrastructure to handle the massive increase in population. In years past, people relied primarily on a network of buses and commuter trains. Congestion is only getting progressively worse as more and more people acquire automobiles. Now it can easily take two or more hours to travel the distance of twenty kilometers. Even relatively small towns like Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, are getting backed up with traffic.

Many of us are increasingly alarmed by the rising sea levels, wildfires, tornados and other natural disasters, and other impacts of global warming on our planet. Yet so many people fail to recognize how dangerously overpopulated our planet is or to moderate their consumption of material resources. The Earth cannot sustain our current rate of consumption of resources required for the production of material goods, nor the amount of pollution and waste we generate.

Distractive technologies are further contributing to our sensory overload. Shorts, reels, and TikTok's catering to our ever-shrinking attention spans. Incessant push notifications further fracture our attention and impede our ability to focus. Our devices, social media and other aspects of this distractive technology not only capture our attention but also activate our brain's dopamine reward system, enticing us to engage further. As a result, our minds, brains, and bodies struggle to process the overwhelming amount of digital content flooding our sensory channels. When we're saturated with this immense volume of digital input, it further impedes our body-mind's capacity to thoroughly digest our lived experiences and our subsequent cognitive and emotional responses.

Flying used to be a much more pleasant experience. Middle seats were often open if you flew mid-week. Now, with an industry practice referred to as code sharing, airlines are partnering up. For instance, passengers flying to the United States from abroad will then transfer to one of the domestic carriers such as Delta and United. This means that flights are much fuller, with occupancy over ninety percent. Additionally, airlines have reduced the size of the seats and moved the rows closer together, which can be incredibly frustrating if the entitled *%#@ sitting in front of you decides to lean back, taking whatever precious remaining space you had.

Note: If you're one of those people who feels you absolutely must lean back, then have the basic human decency to pay the extra money to sit towards the front of the plane in one of the sections that provide additional leg room, thus refraining from being a *%#@.

Having space is important. We are all empathic to some degree. When compressed into small spaces with other people, it's inevitable that we will be affected by the backlog of toxic emotions, physical illnesses, poor diets, medication usage, heavy drinking, and other recreational drug use of those around us.

Extreme Polarization

Extreme polarization is escalating, not only in the United States, but also in Canada and Europe. Approximately 40% of the population shows a tendency towards autocratic leaders, fueling the rise of far-right parties in countries like Germany, Austria, and Portugal, with leaders like Geert Wilders and Viktor Orban linked to Vladimir Putin.

In the U.S., polarization intensified following the 1980s repeal of the Fairness Doctrine by President Ronald Reagan, which paved the way for figures like Rush Limbaugh. Limbaugh and his dittohead imitators focus on inflammatory rhetoric rather than balanced reporting and thoughtful analysis of issues concerning the electorate. Media outlets such as Fox, Newsmax, and OANN exacerbate these issues by broadcasting divisive and misleading content, creating alternate realities and deepening societal divisions.

There is significant overlap between the far right and groups such as white supremacists, antisemites, and fringe conspiracy theories such as QAnon and wackadoodle conspiracists – conflict entrepreneurs such as Tucker Carlson and Alex Jones. This situation can be disheartening, especially for those of us who find we can no longer engage in rational or even sane conversations with friends, family members, co-workers, and neighbors.

Economic Disparity

According to the Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis, in 2023, wealth inequality in the United States continued its upward trajectory, increasingly concentrating wealth among the highest earners. The top 10% of households now control approximately 70% of the nation's wealth. Meanwhile, the middle 50% hold around 27%, and the bottom 40% possess a mere 3% of total wealth. The escalating wealth inequality in the United States has profound impacts on the stress levels and overall well-being of its citizens.

As wealth continues to concentrate among the top earners, middle and lower-income families face increasing financial pressures that exacerbate stress and anxiety. This economic strain limits access to quality healthcare, education, and housing, contributing to a cycle of hardship that affects mental and physical health. The constant worry about meeting basic needs can lead to chronic stress, which undermines long-term health and can decrease life expectancy.

Stress and Global Conflict

As bad as things can get for us here in the United States, I often find that our struggles pale in comparison to the suffering experienced by people in other parts of the world. Over the past few decades, those of us in the United States have been largely insulated from the direct impacts of war. There’s a prevailing mindset among many Americans that war is a distant reality—a conflict in a far-off land that doesn’t concern us personally. This detachment can sometimes limit our understanding and empathy towards the grave realities faced by others globally.

I spent a great deal of time in Sri Lanka during its brutal war against the Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam (LTTE), also known as the Tamil Tigers, and I have many Sinhalese and Tamil friends who were affected by the war. Towards the end of the war, I became actively involved with many others in trying to draw the attention of the media, the United Nations, the United States, the United Kingdom, and other governments to pressure the Sri Lankan government and military to stop the killing of tens of thousands of Tamil civilians.

At the time of this writing, we are in the third year of Russia's brutal war of aggression against Ukraine. An estimated nineteen thousand Ukrainian children have been kidnapped and taken to Russia. Russia's purposeful targeting of population centers with guided bombs and missiles has killed thousands. Additionally, Russia is disrupting satellite navigation systems, or GPS, affecting thousands of civilian flights in the Baltic Sea, Black Sea, and eastern Mediterranean, potentially risking plane crashes that could kill all on board. If Russia overruns Ukraine, it will invariably attack NATO states, leading to a much wider war.

Trauma's Lasting Effects on the Body

In addition to the common stresses that impact so many of our lives, as I've already mentioned, a large percentage of us have, as children or teens, been subjected to verbal, emotional, physical, or sexual trauma. Many were bullied in school, and there are those who have served in wars such as Vietnam, Iraq, and Afghanistan. Moreover, about one out of every six American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime. Consequently, so many of us carry the scars of these traumatic wounds and are still very much impacted by them. Our bodies carry all this stress, emotion, and trauma until we find a means to heal the wounded parts of ourselves and digest our lived experiences and subsequent emotional responses.

Life in Our Modern-Day World

The acceleration of modern life has brought with it increasing demands. As technology advances and global connectivity expands, the expectation for individuals to accomplish more in less time has intensified. This rapid pace not only challenges our ability to keep up, but also places significant pressure on our mental and physical well-being. The relentless demand to stay connected and productive can lead to stress, burnout, and a diminished capacity to enjoy life's simpler, slower moments. This environment necessitates a conscious effort to balance productivity with restorative downtime, encouraging a sustainable approach to managing the demands of our accelerated world.

In addition to all the other stresses I've already mentioned, we're also dealing with conflicts with friends, family, and intimate partners, as well as persistent noise—and this is only a small sampling. Yet most people do not fully comprehend, if at all, the impact these stresses have on the body and mind, nor that our lived experiences and subsequent cognitive and emotional responses need to be thoroughly digested. Whenever and however possible, we also need to do the best we can to eliminate or at least reduce these stresses and mitigate their impact.

How Is All This Stress Impacting Us?

The impact of stress and suppressed emotions on our bodies, minds, and overall lives is profound and multifaceted. Physiologically, stress activates our body's sympathetic nervous system, leading to the release of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. These hormones prepare our bodies for a “fight or flight” response, which, while beneficial in short bursts, can cause significant damage when activated repeatedly or over prolonged periods. Chronic activation can lead to health problems such as heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, and other illnesses. Additionally, stress can exacerbate and maintain physical tension, particularly in areas like our neck, shoulders, and back, leading to chronic pain and discomfort.

On a psychological level, continuous stress and unaddressed emotions can create or exacerbate mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, and insomnia. The suppression of emotions often prevents us from processing and resolving our feelings, leading to emotional overload and exhaustion. This unresolved emotional turmoil diminishes our cognitive functions, impairing our decision-making and reducing our ability to focus and manage tasks effectively.

The social implications are equally significant. Chronic stress can place an enormous strain on our relationships, as we may become irritable, withdrawn, or overly dependent on others for emotional support. It can hinder our ability to form and maintain close relationships, often contributing to social isolation, which in itself can exacerbate stress and emotional distress. Moreover, the pervasive nature of stress in modern life—compounded by factors such as job insecurity, financial difficulties, and social pressures—creates a cycle that is challenging to break without appropriate strategies and support to manage stress and cultivate emotional resilience.

The Impact on Our Relationship with Ourselves and Others

The tension we hold within our bodies reflects how we disconnect from parts of ourselves. In other words, it's indicative of our own lack of intimacy with ourselves. As I have said before, healthy and loving relationships start with you. We must develop a more intimate relationship with ourselves before we can experience healthier and more intimate relationships with other people.

The traumas of my childhood and adolescence carried over into my adult life, and I found that my romantic relationships were, in many ways, reenactments. Determined to do whatever it took to heal; I began to develop an intensive series of meditation practices that awakened the body and mind's innate healing intelligence. I also explored other practices and therapeutic interventions, incorporating those I found to be most effective. As the deep emotional wounds healed and I progressed along my journey, I developed a more intimate relationship with myself. I saw these changes being reflected back to me in two significant ways: firstly, by letting go of unhealthy attachments to individuals and relationships, and secondly, by attracting people into my life who contributed to more meaningful and deeply fulfilling relationships.

Digesting Our Lived Experiences and Subsequent Emotional Responses

We invariably internalize the stresses of daily life, along with our emotional responses to situations that are hurtful, upsetting, anxiety-provoking, disappointing, or that evoke feelings of anger. Yet, a significant portion of the population remains largely unaware of the profound impact this stress has on their bodies and minds. This lack of awareness can prevent us from recognizing the signs of stress accumulation until they manifest as physical or psychological health issues.

The stress and unprocessed emotions we internalize do not merely linger within us; they bind parts of our body and mind. This binding effect not only restricts our physical and emotional flexibility, but also consumes many of our vital resources. As these energies are diverted to manage unresolved emotional turmoil, our overall vitality and capacity for healing and growth are significantly diminished.

Understanding and acknowledging the sources and symptoms of our stress and emotional distress are crucial steps toward managing its effects more effectively. By becoming more cognizant of how stress influences our daily lives, we can better mitigate its impacts and develop effective solutions to the challenges we face.

Our lived experiences and our subsequent cognitive and emotional responses need to be thoroughly digested. I began to develop a series of meditation practices in my mid-twenties, which have proven to be the most effective of any practices that I know of for this purpose. I teach these practices to everyone I work with.

Start by fully acknowledging what's happening in your life. Bring any issues, challenges, or situations that concern you to the forefront of your awareness. Notice any feelings or bodily sensations that arise in response. Bring as much of your awareness as possible to where these feelings and sensations are situated within your body. Breathe softly and deeply as you fully immerse your awareness in the depth of these feelings and bodily sensations.

As you work with this practice, I encourage you to become fully immersed in your own internal experiences—specifically your feelings and bodily sensations. As you focus your awareness on these feelings and sensations, it's important to recognize that they are not static; they are dynamic and responsive to your attention. As you continue to breathe deeply into these feelings and sensations, you'll notice a series of changes taking place:

Feelings and sensations will at times expand, meaning that you'll feel them occupying a larger portion of your body. This expansion isn't just physical; it also represents an increase in your mental and emotional awareness of these feelings.

Feelings and sensations will, in many instances, move to different parts of your body. For example, a tightness in your chest associated with anxiety or the emotion itself might shift to your stomach or spread to other parts of your body. The movement is part of the processing of emotions or a redistribution of emotional energy within the body.

Feelings will, in many instances, become more intense before you feel a sense of release or transformation. This intensification is a natural part of the healing process, as it often precedes the softening of those feelings, the letting go that occurs in many instances, or a sense of resolution.

As you continue to breathe with your awareness fully immersed in the depths of any feelings or bodily sensations, you will find that the emotions themselves will go through a transformation. For instance, anger might soften into sadness as you begin to access the underlying feelings that fuel the anger. Similarly, feelings of regret or disappointment might gradually shift toward acceptance as you process and reconcile with past events.

During this practice, it’s crucial to ‘follow' these feelings and bodily sensations through their progression. This involves remaining in a state of openness and curiosity, continually deepening your awareness, and allowing these sensations to evolve without trying to force them into a particular outcome. Working with this approach not only facilitates a natural process of emotional digestion and integration, but also enables you to achieve a deeper understanding, making it easier to resolve any underlying emotional conflicts. This understanding helps you adapt to your immediate circumstances and navigate our ever-changing world more effectively.

Slowing and Deepening Your Breathing

Most people engage in shallow breathing, a habit that significantly hinders their ability to be fully present in their bodies. This shallow breathing limits the deep processing of our life experiences and emotions. It is crucial to become more mindful of your breathing throughout the day, particularly when working with the meditation practices I teach.

Slow your breathing as much as possible. Breathe as softly and deeply as you can, without forcing it, drawing air all the way down to your abdomen and allowing your rib cage to expand. This practice of slowing and deepening your breathing activates your body-mind's innate healing intelligence, which facilitates the digestion of your lived experiences and the emotional responses that follow.

Making Time to De-Stress, Heal, and Transform

During the early lockdown stages of the COVID pandemic, I suddenly found myself with all this additional time on my hands and wasn't quite sure what to do with myself. I committed to at least three hours of meditation daily. As I sat deep in meditation during these extended sessions, I could feel layer upon layer of stress and stagnant emotion dissolving. As deeper layers of emotions and stresses, previously inaccessible, began to surface, I literally felt as though I were descending through many varied layers of consciousness. Since the world has reopened, I've been traveling extensively, working long hours, and maintaining a social life. Despite these demands, I still make it a priority to do at least two hours of meditation on most days.

Much of the discussion I hear or read from those who meditate focuses on fifteen or twenty-minute sessions or guided meditations. While any meditation is beneficial, these brief sessions are barely enough to take the edge off. Many people question the feasibility of longer sessions, asking, ‘Who has time for that?' I challenge their assumptions by asking them to consider how much time they spend scrolling through social media, following news updates, or watching television. It’s really about prioritizing our time. Would you rather spend it vegetating through endless social media feeds or binge-watching Netflix or engage in a practice that has been proven for thousands of years by disciplined practitioners to activate the solution-oriented parts of the brain-mind and the body-mind's innate healing intelligence? This practice not only leads to deeper insights and greater self-awareness, but also enhances productivity and facilitates healing and growth.

Fifteen or twenty minutes may be good for those starting out, but I encourage you to work your way up to at least an hour a day; ninety minutes is better, and two or more hours will make a profound difference. When you consider the emotional wounding that so many of us carry, the stresses we face on a daily basis, the conflicts that need resolution, and the issues that must be addressed in both our personal and professional lives and the chaos unfolding in our modern day world, it becomes clear that we need to devote considerably more time to intensive daily practice to digest and diffuse the stress and stagnant emotional backlog, heal, and facilitate our continued growth.

Focusing On Specific Areas of Tension

Stress, anger, frustration, fear, anxiety, grief, sadness and other distressing emotions accumulate in our upper back, neck, jaw, abdomen, and other parts of our bodies. Breathing softly and deeply while fully immersing your awareness in these parts of your body, helps to release the tension held therein. Memories and emotions stored in these areas often surface as you work with this practice. Breathing into the emotions as they arise will help you process them. Consistent practice will enable you to dissolve the chronic muscular armor.

Tuning Into the Instinctual Mind

I have found that focusing my awareness deep within the abdomen for extended periods of time while breathing softly and deeply takes me into greater depths of the subconscious mind. In many instances, I feel it reaches the underlying source of many issues I've struggled with. Sometimes it feels as though the entire theme or context of a conflict or issue begins to dissolve, and I can feel that happening throughout my body.

It can be difficult for many people to sense within the abdominal region because there is often a lot of numbing, lack of sensation, or disconnect from this part of the body. For many, the abdominal region may initially feel congested due to the accumulation of stress, stagnant emotions, and physical toxins. Sensitivity will gradually increase as you continue to focus your attention within this part of the body. If at all possible, try to feel the sensations of the intestines. Are they heavy, congested, dry, moist, tense, relaxed, open and fluid, alive and vital? Breathe into these sensations, following their progression. Those who continue to work with this practice often experience warmth, pulsing, tingling, and a range of other sensations. Impressions of past events held within the abdomen often surface.

Many of us store a great deal of stress, unprocessed emotions, physical toxins, and other stagnant content within the abdomen. People often tell me, and I have personally experienced, that as the stresses and emotions held within the abdomen break loose, they travel to other parts of the body. For me, the mid and upper back will tense up when this happens. Shifting my focus to the tension in my neck, shoulders, and upper back helps me process those stresses and emotions, thereby freeing these parts of my body from them.

I've had people focus their attention on the tension they hold in their jaw. What surprised me is that having them focus deep within their abdomen proved to be far more effective. People suffering from TMJ have on many occasions told me that focusing within the abdomen helped them release the tension in their jaw muscles that was causing them to grind their teeth.

Incorporating the Most Effective Practices and Therapeutic Interventions 

In order to get the most optimal results, it's important for us to combine the most effective practices and therapeutic interventions. As I have done, I encourage you to be open, explore the various practices and interventions and continue to work with those that prove to be most effective.

Sensory Deprivation Flotation Tanks

Most people on their own are not able to reach profoundly deep states of meditation. However, being suspended in total darkness in a warm bath of salt water in a sensory deprivation flotation tank can change this dynamic. In this environment, stresses, emotions, and impressions all come floating to the surface, guiding you into a profoundly deep state. You can feel your body and mind decompressing as you settle deeper into relaxation. In this state, the body and mind's innate healing intelligence begins to activate, facilitating a powerful healing process.

Deep Tissue Bodywork

So much of the stress that we fail to process accumulates within the musculature and tissues of our body, making it difficult for us to access these embedded stresses and emotions on our own. I have found that bodywork, such as Rolfing and deep tissue massage, are an effective means of freeing these accumulated stresses and emotions, bringing them to the surface. By breathing into these emotions as they surface, I am able to process them.

Transmutation

My mentor, Horace Daukei, one of the last surviving traditional doctors of the Kiowa Indian Tribe, passed on portions of his own healing gifts to me. He then had me go on the vision quest, a traditional practice that involves fasting alone in the mountains for four days and nights without food or water.

During many vision quests, I have often felt an extraordinarily powerful presence actively working to transmute the stresses, traumas, and deeply wounded experiences stored within my body. Simultaneously, I can feel this presence building an entirely new foundation within me, granting access to greater resources. As this transformation unfolds, new capabilities emerge. It is also during these vision quests that I have received numerous gifts of healing, which Native Americans refer to as ‘medicine.' For this reason, I am able to serve as a conduit, allowing this presence to work through me to facilitate healing within the bodies and minds of others.

Some people can work up to the vision quest, yet for most, it is too intense. Those who work with me individually experience a transformation akin to what occurs during the vision quest. During these individual healing sessions, the presence working through me transforms the stresses, trauma, and stagnant emotions held within the body into fuel for growth. The deeply wounded parts of the self, once healed, are not only transformed but also integrated, becoming a functional aspect of the self. As this happens, you become lighter, freer, gaining access to greater resources, and developing new capabilities.

Feeling heartbroken? Overwhelmed with sadness and grief? If you're ready to heal, let go, move on, and attract love into your life, schedule your free twenty-minute heart mending strategy session now. This initial session is not the actual healing process, but a valuable opportunity for you to share your individual concerns and challenges. Together, we'll devise a path forward, exploring workable solutions for you to implement on your healing journey. Click here to schedule your free heart mending strategy session.

©Copyright 2024 Ben Oofana. All Rights Reserved.

When you’re ready, I have 3 ways I can help you to heal your heartache and attract more love into your life and cocreate more meaningful and deeply fulfilling relationships.
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