Attachments are the bonds or connections we form with individuals based on shared experiences, interactions and emotions, leading to a sense of closeness or affinity. These bonds can be temporary or long-lasting and vary in intensity. Attachments can arise from shared moments, mutual support, trust, or the regularity of interactions.

In this sense, an attachment is the emotional tie or link between us and others that brings us together and makes us want to be near them, whether emotionally, mentally, or physically. It's the underlying force that makes us miss someone when they're gone and feel comforted when they're present.

The importance of attachment

Attachment, in its healthy form, is a fundamental aspect of human existence and has been crucial for our survival and development as a species. Attachment is the glue that binds us as individuals together, creating societies and cultures. It's the driving force behind our need to connect, love, and be loved. Here's a deeper look into the vital functions and importance of attachment:

From an evolutionary perspective, attachment behaviors in infants and children are biologically programmed responses designed for survival. A child's attachment to a caregiver ensures they receive food, protection, and care. This bond ensures that caregivers respond to the child's needs, providing a safe environment in which the child can grow and thrive.

Attachment forms the foundation for all future social interactions. Through our early attachment experiences, we learn to understand emotions, both our own and those of others. This understanding is crucial for developing empathy, compassion, and other social skills.

Secure attachments, especially in early childhood, are fundamental for both emotional regulation and cognitive development. When children feel securely attached, they are more inclined to explore their environment, confident in having a safe base to return to. This exploration, coupled with the caregiver's responses, not only aids children in understanding and managing their emotions but also stimulates cognitive processes and curiosity, fostering better learning and understanding.

Our early attachment experiences set the stage for our future relationships. They influence our expectations, how we relate to others, and how we handle intimacy and separations. A secure attachment in childhood often leads to secure attachment styles in adulthood, fostering healthier romantic relationships.

Secure attachments help in the development of a positive self-image and a positive view of the world. When children feel loved and valued, they are more likely to develop a sense of self-worth. Conversely, they also develop a belief that the world is a safe and welcoming place.

Secure attachments provide a buffer against stress and adversity. Individuals who have experienced secure attachments in childhood are often more resilient in the face of challenges, as they have a foundational sense of security and support to fall back on.

There's evidence to suggest that secure attachments, especially in early childhood, can have long-term benefits for physical health. The emotional regulation and stress-buffering effects of secure attachments can lead to better physiological outcomes.

Attachment gives individuals a sense of belonging and purpose. This feeling is not just limited to familial or romantic relationships, but extends to friendships, communities, and even larger societal groups.

Secure attachments are protective factors against many mental health issues. They provide emotional support, reduce the impact of stress, and promote a general sense of well-being.

Attachment theory

Attachment theory, originally developed by John Bowlby, suggests that children come into the world biologically pre-programmed to form attachments with others because this will help them survive. Developing an understanding of Attachment Theory is crucial for those of us seeking to gain deeper insights into interpersonal relationships.

Attachment theory offers profound insights into the foundational patterns that begin to form in early childhood and over the course of our lives that influence how we connect with others. By delving into the principles of attachment, we can identify our own attachment styles and begin to understand why we might react defensively when a partner seeks more space, or why we might feel anxious when they don't respond to a message right away. Recognizing these underlying triggers — whether it's a fear of abandonment, a need for constant reassurance, or a tendency to keep a partner at arm's length — can be transformative. With this awareness, we can work towards co-creating healthier, more fulfilling connections. Here's a brief overview of the basic attachment styles:

Secure Attachment originates typically from consistent, responsive caregiving during childhood. Adults with this attachment style are comfortable with both intimacy and independence in their relationships. They are trusting and optimistic about their relationships. They can effectively communicate their needs and are adept at responding to the needs of others. Generally, they have positive views of themselves and their partners.

Anxious (or Preoccupied) Attachment often stems from inconsistent caregiving in childhood. There might have been times when the child's needs were met, but at other times, they might have been ignored or dismissed. Adults with this attachment style crave closeness and intimacy but are often feel fearful and anxious about the possibility of rejection or abandonment. They can be described as “clingy” or “needy” in relationships. They are constantly seeking validation and reassurance from their partners and tend to be overly sensitive to any signs of distance or changes in the relationship.

Avoidant (or Dismissive) Attachment typically arises from neglectful or dismissive caregiving in childhood, where the child's needs were frequently unmet. Adults with this style value their independence to an extreme and often avoid closeness or emotional intimacy. They might dismiss the importance of close relationships and can be quick to establish boundaries. They are often uncomfortable with too much closeness and can come across as aloof or distant. Additionally, they may struggle to communicate their needs or understand the needs of their partners.

It's worth noting that there's also a fourth style called Fearful-Avoidant (or Disorganized) Attachment, which combines aspects of anxious and avoidant attachments. People with this style desire close relationships but are deeply distrustful of others and fear getting too close.

These attachment styles are not fixed and can change over time, especially with therapeutic interventions or significant, supportive relationships in adulthood. They serve as general patterns of behavior in relationships, but individual variations exist.

Unhealthy attachments

Unhealthy attachments are bonds or connections formed between individuals or entities based on dependency, fear, habit, or familiarity rather than on mutual respect, growth, or genuine affinity. These attachments can hinder our personal development, reinforce negative patterns, and perpetuate cycles of dysfunction or harm. Often, they arise from a fear of change, a lack of self-worth, or the comfort of familiarity, even if that familiarity is detrimental.

Unhealthy attachments often arise from a combination of personal histories, societal influences, and sometimes, a lack of understanding or awareness about our own needs and boundaries. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward healing them. Here's a deeper look into various kinds of unhealthy attachments:

Obsessive love is characterized by an overwhelming desire to be close to someone, often to the point of neglecting ourself. It can lead to behaviors like constant messaging, stalking, or an inability to accept rejection.

Those of us with a fearful attachment style often desire emotional closeness but we're deeply afraid of getting hurt. We might push our partners away if we feel too vulnerable, leading to a push-pull dynamic.

Dependent attachment happens when we rely too heavily on another person for emotional, financial, or physical support, often stemming from a fear of being alone. We might stay in unhealthy relationships because we believe we can't cope on our own.

Some of us become attached to an idealized version of our partner or what the relationship could be, rather than the reality. We might stay in the relationship hoping our partner will change or that things will improve.

Trauma bonding is a strong emotional attachment formed between an abuser and the abused. It's a complex bond that develops due to cycles of abuse followed by reconciliation or promises of change.

Some individuals are drawn to partners they believe they can “save” or “fix.” This can lead to an imbalanced relationship where one person constantly feels responsible for the other's well-being.

Some of us seek relationships primarily to boost our self-esteem or social status. Our attachment is more about how the relationship looks to the outside world or how it makes us feel about ourselves, rather than a genuine connection with a partner.

For some, the idea of being independent or alone is daunting. They might jump from one relationship to another, seeking constant companionship, even if it's not fulfilling or healthy.

Due to unresolved traumas or past experiences, some of us unconsciously seek out partners who mirror the dynamics we experienced in our childhood or past relationships, even if those dynamics are harmful.

In some cases, individuals might stay in a relationship because of material benefits, like money, or situational reasons, such as workplace dynamics or shared living situations.

People with an avoidant attachment style can seem indifferent or distant in relationships, avoiding emotional closeness. They might prioritize their independence to an extreme, avoiding commitment or deep connection.

Some people equate drama or intense emotional experiences with genuine intimacy or passion. They might seek out or stay in tumultuous relationships, mistaking the highs and lows for real connection.

Romantic projection

Romantic projection is a complex psychological phenomenon that plays a significant role in the formation of unhealthy attachments. It occurs when we attribute qualities, feelings, or beliefs onto another person, often a romantic interest, that may not truly represent who they are. It's like looking at someone through a lens colored by our desires, past experiences, and unmet needs. While romantic projections are a natural part of our human psychology, unchecked, they can lead to unhealthy attachments and relationship dynamics.

Projections often stem from unresolved emotional issues or unmet needs from our past, especially childhood. For instance, if we grew up feeling neglected, we might project qualities of care and attentiveness onto a potential partner, even if those qualities aren't genuinely present.

When we get caught up in these projections, we're essentially seeing a version of the person that exists more in our imagination than in reality. This can lead to unrealistic expectations in the relationship, setting the stage for disappointment when the person doesn't live up to the idealized image.

Because projections are often rooted in deep-seated desires and unmet needs, they can lead to intense feelings of attraction or attachment. If we believe we've found a partner who embodies everything we've ever wanted (even if it's just a projection), we might form an immediate and intense bond. That often leads to clinginess, dependency, and an inability to see the person we've formed an attachment to and the relationship clearly.

Romantic projection can obscure our vision in ways that cause us to overlook or dismiss potential red flags or incompatibilities. We might make excuses for or rationalize our partner's behaviors or believe we can change them, further deepening the unhealthy attachment.

As the relationship evolves and the projected image begins to fade, feelings of disappointment, resentment and confusion often arise. Instead of recognizing the role of our projections, we might blame our partner for not living up to our expectations, leading to conflict and dissatisfaction.

Cluster B personality disorders

Given their prevalence, many of us will, at some point in our lives, find ourselves entangled in relationships with individuals who exhibit traits of Cluster B personality disorders. These disorders are characterized by dramatic, overly emotional, or unpredictable thinking and behavior. Such entanglements often arise from a lack of understanding and education about mental health issues. Whether the relationship involves a romantic partner, a family member, or a friend, it can lead to unhealthy attachments that cause emotional turmoil and distress.

This article aims not to label or stigmatize but to educate and empower individuals to recognize and navigate such relationships. By understanding the signs and underlying causes, we can make informed decisions, fostering healthier attachments and letting go of those that hinder our well-being.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is marked by intense emotional instability, impulsivity, and a fear of abandonment. Individuals with BPD may experience severe episodes of anger, depression, and anxiety that can last from a few hours to several days. They might struggle with being alone, display rapid changes in self-identity, and have a history of unstable relationships.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a profound need for excessive attention and admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. Behind this facade of extreme confidence is a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to even the slightest criticism.

Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) describes individuals who often disregard and violate the rights of others. They might lie, act impulsively, and encounter legal issues. Additionally, they may show a lack of remorse after harming others.

Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD) defines individuals who are intensely emotional and constantly seek attention. They might feel uncomfortable when they’re not the center of attention, use their physical appearance to attract attention, or be easily swayed by others.

In the following two sections, I will specifically delve into Narcissistic and Borderline personality disorders. These two disorders are highlighted due to their higher prevalence and the significant impact they often have on interpersonal relationships.

Understanding and breaking free of the cycle of narcissistic abuse

The attachment we form with a narcissistic abuser involves a complex interplay of psychological dynamics. Here's a breakdown of how we develop an attachment to a narcissist and how it solidifies:

At the beginning of the relationship, the narcissist often showers us with affection, attention, and admiration. This “love bombing” can make us feel incredibly valued and special. The intensity of this positive attention can be overwhelming and intoxicating, evoking profound feelings of attachment.

Once the narcissist believes they have secured our attachment, they frequently switch to a pattern of devaluation. This often involves criticism, gaslighting, emotional manipulation, and other forms of psychological abuse. Still recalling the idealization phase, we may fall deeper into the narcissist's trap, trying harder to please them and further deepening our attachment.

The narcissist might occasionally revert to the idealization phase, giving us hope that things will return to how they once were. This intermittent positive reinforcement – unpredictable moments of kindness amidst the abuse – can be even more powerful and addictive than consistent positive behavior.

Narcissists often attempt to isolate us from our friends, family, and other support systems. This isolation makes us more susceptible to and dependent on the narcissist for emotional and, sometimes, financial support, further deepening our attachment.

Narcissists rely on manipulative tactics, such as gaslighting, to make us doubt our own perceptions, memories, or feelings. Over time, we may begin to distrust our own judgment and rely more on the narcissist, which strengthens the attachment.

Narcissists try to instill fear in us – fear of retaliation, fear of abandonment, or fear of being alone. Combined with other forms of manipulation, this can create a dependency, making us feel we can't leave the relationship, even if we want to.

Over time, the constant devaluation can erode our self-worth. We might start to believe we deserve the treatment we're receiving or that we won't find anyone better than the narcissist who continues to abuse us.

The intensely strong emotional attachment, often referred to as a traumatic bond, that we form with our narcissistic abuser, arises from the cycle of violence. After enduring repeated cycles of abuse followed by reconciliation, these trauma bonds can be especially difficult to break.

Understanding the dynamics of these attachments is crucial for those of us seeking to free ourselves and heal, or to support other victims of narcissistic abuse. It's important to approach with compassion, empathy, and patience, as breaking free from these destructive bonds can be incredibly challenging.

Loving someone with borderline personality disorder

Forming attachments with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can be complex and challenging. Here's an in-depth look at the unhealthy patterns of attachment we might experience:

At the beginning of our relationship, we might feel an overwhelming sense of being understood and valued. People with BPD often have the ability to make us feel incredibly special and loved, leading to a rapid and intense attachment. This phase is characterized by idealization, where we might feel as though we've found our “soulmate.”

As the relationship progresses, we might notice an intense fear of abandonment from our partner with BPD. This fear can manifest in various ways, such as excessive texting, calling, or even accusations of infidelity. In response, we might find ourselves constantly reassuring them, which can be emotionally draining.

Due to the emotional volatility often associated with BPD, we might feel as if we're constantly walking on eggshells, always trying to avoid potential triggers or outbursts. This can lead us to suppress our own feelings and needs in an effort to keep the peace.

After the idealization phase, we might experience sudden shifts where we are devalued or criticized. This can be confusing and hurtful, especially when juxtaposed against the earlier phase of intense affection.

The emotional instability, and in some instances volatility, inherent in BPD can lead to unpredictable reactions. One moment, everything might be fine, and the next, a small disagreement can escalate into a major conflict. This unpredictability can make us anxious and unsure about the stability of our relationship.

Over time, we might become increasingly dependent on the relationship for our sense of self-worth. This dependency can be exacerbated if our partner tries to isolate us from friends or family, either directly or through emotional manipulation.

The alternating cycles of idealization and devaluation cause us to feel overwhelmed and confused. We begin to doubt our own perceptions and feelings. We might question whether we're the ones at fault or if we're “overreacting” to certain behaviors.

We often feel guilty, believing that we're not doing enough to support our partner or that we're contributing to their emotional distress. This chronic guilt can erode our self-esteem and make it difficult to set boundaries.

Given the intense emotional reactions and fear of abandonment exhibited by many with BPD, we might find it challenging to set and maintain boundaries. This can lead to a cycle where we sacrifice our own needs and well-being to appease our partner.

Over time, the constant emotional turbulence can leave us feeling drained, leading to burnout, depression, or anxiety.

Understanding these patterns is crucial for those of us in relationships with someone with BPD. It's essential to seek support, whether through therapy, support groups, or trusted friends and family, to navigate these challenges and prioritize our own well-being.

The need for control

Unhealthy attachment, especially when it manifests as a need to control another person, is a complex issue rooted in various psychological and emotional dynamics. Here's a deeper look into how control can be a manifestation of unhealthy attachment:

One primary driver behind the need to control a partner or loved one is the fear of abandonment. Those with an anxious attachment style might constantly fear that their partner will leave them. By exerting control, they believe they can prevent this feared abandonment.

Individuals with low self-worth may try to exert control to ensure their partner stays with them. They might believe that by controlling their partner's actions, they can prevent them from recognizing their perceived flaws or seeking someone “better.”

Past experiences, especially traumas related to betrayal or abandonment, can heighten the need for control in relationships. Controlling behavior acts as a defense mechanism to prevent past traumas from recurring.

For some, controlling behavior stems from a need for predictability and stability. If they feel they can control their partner, they believe they can also control the outcomes in their relationship, making their environment feel safer and more predictable.

Co-dependency is a type of dysfunctional relationship dynamic where one person's emotional needs heavily rely on their partner. This can lead to controlling behaviors as the co-dependent individual tries to shape their partner into someone who can continuously meet their emotional needs.

Sometimes, individuals project their insecurities and fears onto their partner. They might attempt to control aspects of their partner's life that mirror their own insecurities, believing that by controlling their partner, they're managing the parts of themselves they dislike or fear.

In some relationships, control is tied to perceived power dynamics. The person exerting control may believe they have a right or duty to be in charge, often stemming from cultural, societal, or familial beliefs about roles in relationships.

For some, controlling a partner serves as a way to seek external validation. If they can make their partner act in certain ways, it reinforces their self-worth and value.

By focusing on controlling another person, individuals can avoid addressing their issues. The act of controlling becomes a distraction from personal growth and self-reflection.

Some individuals genuinely believe that their controlling behaviors are a form of care. They might think that by dictating their partner's actions, they're protecting them or looking out for their best interests, not recognizing the harm they're inflicting.

Recognizing the link between control and unhealthy attachment is crucial for us in the relationship. If we are the controlling ones, we may need therapy or counseling to address the root causes of our behavior. Conversely, if our partner is the one exerting control, they might need support in setting boundaries and ensuring their well-being.

Emotional wounding, the driving force behind our unhealthy attachments

Emotional wounding, often stemming from early life experiences, traumas, or significant negative events, plays a pivotal role in the formation of unhealthy attachments. Understanding the link between emotional wounds and attachment patterns is crucial for healing. Here's a deeper exploration of how emotional wounds can influence our relational patterns:

Repetition compulsion is a psychological phenomenon that compels us to repeat or recreate patterns from our past, often unconsciously. Those of us who experienced neglect or abandonment in childhood might be drawn to partners who are emotionally unavailable, trying to ‘fix' our past by changing the outcome in the present.

Emotional wounds can contribute to feelings of low self-worth or self-esteem. This might cause us to feel we don't deserve love, kindness, or respect, leading us to accept mistreatment or neglect in relationships.

If we've experienced abandonment, whether physical or emotional, we might develop intense fears of being left again. This fear can manifest as clingy behavior, excessive jealousy, constant need for reassurance, or even attempts to control or manipulate the partner to prevent them from leaving. These behaviors can be overwhelming for our partners, causing them to feel trapped or suffocated. Additionally, the fear of abandonment might make us tolerate unhealthy dynamics, causing us to stay in relationships that are clearly detrimental.

Growing up in chaotic or dysfunctional environments can desensitize us to red flags. What others might see as clear signs of an unhealthy relationship, we might perceive as normal or even comforting because it's familiar.

Emotional wounds often create a deep underlying insecurity that compels us to seek external validation. We might become overly reliant on our partners for affirmation, leading to dependency or staying in relationships where we feel ‘needed' even if we're not treated well.

Past traumas, especially those related to betrayal or violation of trust, can make genuine intimacy terrifying. We might form attachments that are surface-level, avoiding the vulnerability that comes with a deeper connection.

Emotional wounding can lead to a heightened state of alertness. In other words, we become hypervigilant to potential threats, even if they're not real. This can cause us to misinterpret cues, become overly jealous, or perceive threats where none exist, leading to tension in relationships.

Those of us who have internalized trauma from past relationships have a tendency to equate love with pain, chaos, or intensity, especially if we've never experienced stable, calm love. We're more likely to be drawn to tumultuous relationships, believing that's what love truly feels like.

Losses that haven't been grieved continue to live on the inside of us. The grief and other painful emotions that have been internalized can cause us to form attachments where we seek to fill a void or find a replacement for what was lost, rather than forming a healthy loving connection based in the present.

Past trauma, especially involving aggressive or volatile figures, feeds into our fear of confrontation. We end up tolerating abusive and otherwise inappropriate behaviors in relationships, avoiding conflicts even when boundaries are crossed.

Therapy, introspection, and self-awareness can help us to recognize these patterns and work towards forming healthier relationships.

Holding patterns

Relationships and interactions that evoke fear, hurt, grief, and other overwhelming emotions can leave us deeply traumatized. This trauma, once internalized, is accompanied by the highly charged emotions that remain trapped within our body.

This combination of internalized trauma and highly charged emotion numbs and blinds us, making it difficult to clearly perceive our intimate partners and understand the dynamics of our relationships. With a significant portion of our mind's creative problem-solving capabilities disengaged, our ability to heal, learn, and grow becomes compromised. As a result, we frequently find ourselves ensnared in a repetitive cycle, gravitating towards unhealthy partners and relationships.

By continuously avoiding the issues that demand attention and numbing ourselves to our authentic emotional responses, we're limiting our capacity to gain essential insights. This avoidance hinders our ability to learn from and heal past experiences, ultimately preventing us from evolving to healthier partners and relationships.

Dissolving my own unhealthy attachments

I was incredibly fortunate to have the opportunity to train with Horace Daukei, one of the last surviving traditional doctors (medicine men) among the Kiowa Indian Tribe. Horace transmitted portions of his own healing gifts to me and then had me go on the vision quest—a traditional Native American practice that involves fasting alone in the mountains for four days and nights without food or water. Like traditional Native American doctors, I serve as a conduit, allowing an extraordinarily powerful presence to work through me to facilitate healing within the body and mind.

Many of the people I've worked with who faced similar challenges in their own relationships have experienced rapid transformation. Within a few sessions, they were able to let go of their attachments to unhealthy partners and relationships. Many have attracted healthier companions with whom they were able to co-create more meaningful and deeply fulfilling relationships.

For others, healing can be a more challenging process. The deeply entrenched patterns I struggled with made my journey particularly arduous. My relationships often mirrored the trauma and dysfunction I experienced in my childhood and adolescence.

While psychotherapy provided a great deal of intellectual understanding, I found myself continuing to reenact the deeply entrenched patterns that had caused me so much pain. Although I believe psychotherapy is an essential part of many people's healing journeys, my patterns were so ingrained that I couldn't simply think or talk my way out of them.

Sometimes, the women I formed attachments to showed no interest. Some were already in relationships with others, and a few were quite abusive. Not knowing any better, I persisted in trying to make these relationships work. These desperate attempts became, in their own way, another means of resisting the fear of loss, feelings of abandonment, and other intense, painful emotions I was desperately trying to avoid.

My attachments to these women were largely based on projection. I wasn't truly seeing them for who they were. Instead, I was overwhelmed by intense longing and desire, often mistaking these feelings for love. When my feelings went unreciprocated, I felt rejected, and I was engulfed by sadness, despair, and anguish.

Over time, I recognized that the drama in my relationships, or my attempts to form them, mirrored my emotional wounds. To heal these deeply scarred parts of myself, I learned to fully immerse my awareness in any feelings or bodily sensations that arose in response to the relationships that weren't working out so well.

I've been relentless in my discipline, dedicating hours to chi gong and intensive daily meditation, breathing from the depths of my feelings and bodily sensations. I've made extensive use of the most powerful therapeutic interventions, doing lots of deep tissue bodywork and I worked with gifted healers whenever the opportunity presented itself. I have also gone through dozens of vision quests.

The hard work paid off and continues to do so. I've become more grounded, calmer and more relaxed. I stopped caring so much and found it easier to let go when my feelings of attraction or desire to be with a woman were not reciprocated. As I've progressed, I started to attract and feel drawn to women with whom I genuinely resonate, where the feelings of love and attachment are mutual.

Now it’s your turn!

When we harbor deep emotional wounds, it's easy to become ensnared in a cycle of longing, chasing, and clinging to relationships, even when they bring immense pain and suffering. Without proper guidance or intervention, we risk repeatedly choosing partners who mistreat or neglect us or pursuing those emotionally distant or unavailable. Merely distracting ourselves or numbing our emotions can solidify these patterns, potentially ensnaring us for life.

When we're deeply wounded, our attachments can take on an obsessive quality, making us vulnerable to the illusions of our projections. We often find ourselves overwhelmed by intense emotions, interpreting them as signs of destiny. However, when such feelings arise, it's vital to turn our focus inward. The primary concern isn't about the individual we yearn for; it's about addressing and healing our profound emotional wounds.

For some, healing from and releasing unhealthy attachments can be swift. But for those deeply wounded, the journey can be longer. Continuous education about relationships and our psychological and emotional well-being is essential. This might involve working with a psychotherapist knowledgeable in trauma and attachment issues. Additionally, exploring articles, books, and talks on attachment theory, co-dependency, narcissistic abuse, and related topics can offer deeper insights, empowering us to heal and break free from these ties.

I've noticed that many people struggling with these issues aren't truly present in their bodies. The abdominal region is foundational, where we experience empathy, compassion, and form deep emotional bonds. For many, there's a significant disconnect from this region. They hold vast amounts of stress, unprocessed emotions, and physical toxins within their abdomen. This not only ungrounds them but also predisposes them to form unhealthy attachments, trapping them in dysfunctional relational dynamics.

Practices like colonics, water, and juice fasting can help clear physical toxins and release buried emotions. Immersing our awareness deeply within our abdomen while breathing softly and deeply also helps us to become more firmly rooted in our bodies.

Unhealthy attachments mirror our emotional wounds. The conflicted and painful emotions within drive our powerful attractions and lead us to form attachments with unsuitable individuals. Distracting ourselves and suppressing our authentic emotional responses, especially when love is lacking or when someone's actions hurt us, only reinforces these patterns.

It's easy to become entangled in drama when our feelings aren't reciprocated or when a partner's words and actions hurt. While addressing issues with partners or potential love interests is sometimes necessary, we must consistently redirect our focus inward. By acknowledging our partner's actions and the relationship dynamics, and breathing deeply into our feelings and sensations, we gain valuable insights. This process reveals how our partner's actions reflect our emotional wounds and aids in healing and releasing unhealthy attachments.

Consistent use of effective therapeutic interventions is also essential. Deep tissue bodywork, for instance, releases trapped emotions. The vision quests I've described are the most powerful of all the therapeutic interventions I've experienced. While few are willing to go through the four days and nights fasting alone in the mountains without food and water, those who work with me consistently report similar results.

In our culture of immediate gratification, many are seeking instantaneous results. For those with deep emotional wounds, the process I describe takes time and demands consistent practice and extensive use of the most effective therapeutic interventions. Combining these practices and interventions can significantly accelerate our healing journey.

©Copyright 2023 Ben Oofana. All Rights Reserved.

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