Desire has long been perceived as a serpentine force. According to historians who have documented the writings of the early founders and other influential figures, centuries of Christian doctrine, and still today among those adhering to fundamentalist beliefs, desire has often been attributed to the devil. It was common in times past for the crazier and more fanatical members of some Christian sects to flagellate themselves in an attempt to purge the desires of the flesh and atone for having sinned.

While there are tantra lineages among Hindu and Buddhist traditions, there are also sects or lineages that reject what is considered worldly. These traditions view desire, passion, and sexuality as something lesser, something to be transcended in order to evolve to a higher plane or level of spiritual development. They believe that true spiritual growth requires the renunciation of these earthly desires and pleasures, seeing them as distractions that can hinder one's path to enlightenment.

Following one's desires can have deadly consequences in some parts of the Middle East, Africa, India, and Pakistan, where “honor killings” are still prevalent. Couples who act on their desires without the approval of their families, and young women perceived to have dishonored their families, are often the victims of these brutal practices.

There's a form of narcissism that has long been prevalent in India, where parents fail to recognize their own children as separate, distinct individuals with their own needs, wants, and desires. This is clearly evident in the way some parents decide the profession their child will go into, saying things like, “You're going to study medicine,” or “You're going to be an engineer.” I have friends who have acquiesced to their parents' demands, often at a great cost to their own well-being.

The narcissism I speak of is also evident in the tradition of arranged marriages, which have been a common practice for centuries. Parents often choose spouses for their children, and while arranged marriages sometimes work out well, I know from the conversations I've had with many friends that it is also common for people to be miserable in these marriages and look outside of them to meet their needs. This is one of the reasons affairs are so common and the divorce rate is exploding.

Marriages where an individual chose their own spouse out of love are still referred to as “love marriages.” While spending time in India, I often saw articles and heard news reports of parents killing their adult children, and in many instances their spouse, when they married without their approval. Thankfully, these abuses are becoming less common as more Indians are moving into the modern age.

Most of us are now living in a society and a time in history where there is a greater avoidance of pain. This pain could mean facing unpleasant realities or dealing with issues one would rather not confront. More than ever, our culture emphasizes the pursuit of pleasure, leading many to become self-absorbed and focused on instant gratification.

For many, it is still difficult to get in touch with our true desires. Those of us who grew up with religious indoctrination may have internalized messages that make us believe that our desires are sinful, leaving us with a pervasive sense of guilt and shame. Even to this day, many of us have been taught to deny the flesh, to deny our basic needs, and to deny ourselves pleasure. We shut down these aspects of ourselves, often due to a sense of unworthiness or because we fail to understand and accept some of our most basic needs.

Additionally, many of us have never learned to work effectively with our own emotional responses. When we carry the traumatic wounds of our childhood and adolescence, along with other deeply wounding experiences, and internalize the stresses of daily life, we numb ourselves by shutting down emotionally. In doing so, we're also, to varying degrees, shutting down the parts of ourselves through which we feel desire and experience pleasure.

Familial, Cultural and Religious Perspectives on Desire and Sexuality

Both desire and sexual energy are essential for our personal growth, well-being, and the formation of meaningful relationships. Desire is a powerful force that drives our actions, shapes our decisions, and influences the paths we choose in life. Desire is often misunderstood and shrouded in misconceptions. Many people fear that embracing their desires is inherently selfish or morally corrupt. Others worry that acknowledging their desires will make them vulnerable to rejection or the judgments of others. These fears can stem from cultural mindsets that view certain desires as inappropriate.

Sexual energy, despite being a natural and vital part of our human experience, often carries a stigma rooted in familial, cultural and religious contexts that view sexuality as something to be hidden or controlled. Over the centuries, these perspectives have led to shame and sexual repression. Consequently, many of us have developed unhealthy relationships with our own bodies and sexuality.

The Effects of Shame and Guilt on Expressing Desire and Sexuality

Shame and guilt are powerful emotions that can severely hinder the expression of both desire and sexuality. These feelings often originate from internalized familial, religious, and cultural messages that portray certain desires and sexual expressions as wrong or sinful. Shame can cause us to suppress our desires and sexual feelings, contributing to emotional distress and a sense of unworthiness. Guilt can create a constant conflict between our natural inclinations and the moral or ethical standards we've internalized. This is why it's so important for us to recognize the origins of these shame- and guilt-inducing messages, to heal the wounds resulting from the ensuing damage and to work towards cultivating compassion and acceptance for ourselves. Healing and freeing ourselves from these influences allows us to live in accordance with our own authentic needs and convictions, embracing both our desires and our sexuality.

Purpose of Desire

Desire plays a crucial role in many aspects of our lives: the foods we choose to eat, where we decide to live, the work we do, the passions we pursue, the people we spend time with, and who we partner with romantically. However, our desires can become corrupted. The pain we've internalized from past trauma and suppressed emotions can cause us to gravitate towards people and situations that reinforce our emotional wounding and to consume foods and substances that are harmful to our bodies. As we take the necessary steps to facilitate our healing, a process of transformation takes place. We begin to desire, gravitate towards, and choose people, situations, foods, and living spaces that are healthier for us.

Desire also acts as a propulsion mechanism, moving us towards what we long for. It ignites our inner drive, pushing us to take action and make progress. Beyond just propelling us forward, desire also helps draw to us that which we yearn for. It's as if the energy of our desires creates a magnetic field, attracting opportunities, people, and experiences that align with our deepest longings. This dual function of desire – both as a force that propels us and as a magnet that attracts – is essential in the journey of manifesting our dreams and aspirations.

Navigating the Realm of Desire and Passion

Largely in response to the traumas of my childhood and adolescence, I had shut down emotionally. I was numb to my emotions and physical body and not fully inhabiting the latter. Starting in my mid-twenties, I went through a series of relationships mirroring my past experiences, forming attachments to women who were disinterested, unavailable, and sometimes quite abusive, which evoked enormous pain. Instinctively, I taught myself to breathe softly and deeply while fully immersing myself in the depths of those emotions. At a certain point, I could feel the pain breaking open and coming out of my body in waves.

As I learned to work effectively with my emotions, incorporating the most effective therapeutic interventions such as deep tissue bodywork, sessions with gifted healers, and going on vision quests, I experienced a profound transformation. I could feel the unhealthy attachments dissolving, making it easier for me to let go and move on when a relationship wasn't working.

So many changes were occurring during this time. I was developing my own system of meditation practices, I was feeling more embodied, and my emotional range was expanding, and the quality of my relationships was gradually improving.

There were instances when I would be spending time with a woman I was attracted to and feeling an incredibly strong desire to be with her. Maybe she wasn't feeling the same way and was, for whatever reason, not receptive. Sometimes that hurt, and I felt rejected, and it usually meant that it was time for me to let go and move on. Other times, I accepted the situation, and we remained platonic friends.

Yet, there were also instances in which I would still be feeling that intense longing and desire, and I started noticing the intensity of the desire, the passion I was experiencing in those moments, having an effect on the woman I was spending time with. There were times when the walls would start coming down, and the woman I was spending time with would open up to me. One evening, years back, a girlfriend, her body leaning against mine as I sat on the edge of the bed, said, “You make me lose control.” Apparently, allowing myself to fully experience my own desires would, in some instances, draw women closer by awakening or amplifying their own desires. I have, on occasion, read and heard similar accounts from other people.

Sensitivity to Boundaries

I've worked with people of so many different nationalities, religious backgrounds, political affiliations, gay, lesbian, and transgender individuals. I do the best I can to remain open, to in a sense, step into their world and see through their eyes, to better understand their needs so I can be of service. Over the years, I have worked with a number of women involved in sex work, including strippers and prostitutes. I feel tremendous concern for these women, because I recognize how incredibly damaging sex work can be and I have helped some women get out of sex work and get their lives on track.

I would occasionally run into a woman who worked as a stripper when I lived in Albuquerque, New Mexico, who made it quite obvious that she was very attracted to me. I often felt that she was attempting to project her desire in an attempt to draw me to her, but I always found it invasive. Although I felt concerned about her well-being, it left me with a feeling of, “…get away from me.”

In some ways, I'm like a roving anthropologist-sociologist, fascinated by different people and cultures. I want to better understand them and their world, so I'll step into their world to see what it's like. Sometimes I get a taste and think, “Okay, that's enough,” and then I'm ready to get out of there.

While visiting a friend in Frankfurt, Germany, I was a bit taken aback when he pointed out an entire multistory office building being used as a house of prostitution. Being curious, I said to my friend, “Okay, let's check it out.” Starting on the fifth floor, I could see that each woman had her own office suite. Everyone has their type—certain facial features and body types they are drawn to. Two women whose suites were right next to each other caught my attention. Both were absolutely stunning. I looked back, and one of them smiled at me, and I could immediately feel her enveloping me in her presence. At that moment, I ran to the exit, ran down a few flights of stairs, and out the door of the building. I didn't want any part of it. Later that night, as I lay down to go to sleep, I could still feel that woman's presence around me, and I did not like the feeling at all.

The reason I'm mentioning these two examples is that it's important for all of us to be especially mindful of other people's boundaries. Maybe you find yourself feeling attracted to someone, feeling this burning desire and wanting so much to be with this individual, and yet the feelings are not reciprocal. If you continue to project your desire and feelings of attraction, you're being incredibly invasive and… creepy.

It's normal to feel attracted to others and to test the waters to see if the feelings are reciprocal. Sensitivity is important in these instances. When you're able to tune into the other individual, you can sense if they are receptive. You can test the waters a bit, but if you sense in any way that they are feeling uncomfortable, then stop. Recognize their boundary. Turn the volume of your feelings down or off and pull your presence back to yourself.

When I was training in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), some of the practitioners who utilized NLP for therapeutic purposes would inquire of themselves, “Is this intervention ecological?” We need to be equally mindful in our interactions with others, and even more so when it pertains to being intimate with another individual. Consider, for instance, if this individual is in an emotionally vulnerable space as a result of having gone through some traumatic experience or is struggling with other mental health issues. How would becoming intimate impact them? Would it have an adverse effect on them emotionally? A person who catches your attention may already be in a relationship and may be going through a difficult time with their partner. It's important to consider the impact it would have on their relationship and their life.

Adding Fuel to the Fire

For decades, I've been doing intensive daily meditation and chi gong practice. I get deep tissue body work and make use of other therapeutic interventions whenever the opportunity presents itself. I've gone through many vision quests, a traditional Native American healing practice that involves fasting alone in the mountains for four days and nights without food or water. Having trained with a traditional Native American doctor (medicine man), I work as a conduit, allowing an extraordinarily powerful force to work through me to facilitate healing within the bodies and minds of others. Everything I've mentioned gives me an advantage by enabling me to tap into far greater power.

A big part of my practice is about becoming more fully embodied. The power that flows through me can repel those who don't resonate with me. People who are not willing to face the issues that need to be dealt with or allow themselves to feel their authentic emotional responses may find me intimidating. Conversely, those who resonate with me and that are growth oriented are more likely to be drawn to me and the healing presence that works through me.

If I'm feeling a strong desire for a woman I'm spending time with, the presence and power working through me amplifies my own desires, which in turn can amplify her desires if she is receptive. Akin to pouring gasoline onto a fire, repressed passions, desires and unmet sexual needs come alive. It also enhances her sexual experience, often leading to multiple orgasms. It definitely intensifies the experience, allowing us to connect on a deeper, more intimate level.

It's Through Our Emotions

Much of the transformation I've experienced has taken place as a result of having learned to work effectively with my emotions, and this is why I place so much emphasis on teaching others to work with their own emotional responses. It's through our emotions that we're able to get in touch with and awaken our deeper passions and desires.

Emotions are powerful messengers, revealing the hidden depths of our inner world. They act as a bridge between our conscious mind and our subconscious, bringing to light the feelings and urges that often lie dormant within us. Joy, sadness, anger, love, and fear – each emotion carries with it a unique energy that can fuel our passions and drive us toward our true desires. By embracing these emotions, we can uncover what truly matters to us, what excites us, and what we long for.

Emotions also serve as a guide, helping us navigate our personal and professional lives. They provide valuable insights into our needs, boundaries, and aspirations. It's also through our emotions that we form attachments to one another. Our ability to feel our emotions increases our capacity for empathy, allowing us to sense the needs and considerations of others and deeply understand them. Emotional intimacy facilitates trust, deepens relationships, and enhances our ability to collaborate and support one another. Conversely, when people shut down or numb themselves to their emotions, it creates a flatness that can make it harder for us to connect with them. There's a lack of attunement, and it can feel as though we're relating to a piece of cardboard.

Working With Sexual Energy and Desire

Feelings of desire and sexual energy have a way of healing and awakening the body and mind. Having trained for years with a Chinese Master in systems rooted in Taoism and being exposed to practices from the Hindu-Vedic tradition, I've been able to intuitively improvise and develop my own practices. I'll share a few examples that you can incorporate should you choose to do so.

If I'm spending time with a woman with whom I resonate, and there's an obvious attraction and sexual energy, and I'm getting a clear sense that she is receptive, I'll bring my awareness to where I'm feeling the desire and sexual energy in my body. I'll fully immerse my awareness in these feelings and sensations, breathing softly and deeply, which will then amplify them. As I feel the desire and sexual energy expand within my body, I'll also feel myself extending my presence, desire, and sexual energy throughout and around my body. I will also feel myself embodying the desire, feelings of attraction, and sexual arousal as I speak and look into the woman's eyes.

Again, respect for boundaries is critically important here. I will completely shut it off in an instant if I sense in any way that the woman I'm spending time with is uncomfortable.

I do find other opportunities to practice. In New York City, some women at times move about the city wearing revealing clothing, showing a lot of skin. I can hardly miss it because it's right in my face. In some ways, I feel it's giving very mixed messages, probably reflective of their own internal ambiguity and confusion. It's like they're saying, “look at me,” “don't look at me,” and “oh, it's only okay for certain men to notice me.” Being a heterosexual male, it does stir up sexual energy while eliciting feelings of attraction and desire. Whenever that happens, I'll go ahead and work with the feelings and sexual energy by immersing my awareness in them wherever I experience them within my body, while breathing softly and deeply. In some instances, I can be playful and flirtatious if I sense an openness on the part of the woman who catches my attention. If not, I contain my own emotions and sexual energy to, again, be respectful of boundaries.

Sympathetic Resonance: Amplifying Desire and Arousal

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