The other day, I had an unsettling conversation with a long-time business mentor. I will, at times, use my personal experience as an example for the benefit of others. As you read this article, I encourage you to reflect on how the example I'm sharing applies to your own life. If you happen to be a content creator, influencer or you're building a business online, I think you'll relate even more to what I have to say. To provide context, let me begin by sharing the backstory.

Covid-19 upended my life, as it did for so many others. Since I was no longer offering classes on a weekly basis, I had to find alternative ways to connect with people. Over the past few years, I've invested enormous amounts of time and money in extensive online training. I must admit that compared to some, I may be a slower learner in this realm, possibly because I find it more natural to work with people in person. At times, it has been very challenging – much of the work is highly technical, and marketing, including building funnels, sales pages, and email campaigns, hasn't come naturally to me.

To make it even worse, I found myself being overwhelmed …blasted with a firehose of information, much of which I didn't feel was truly applicable to my needs. I had to sort through the deluge of information and am after enormous amount of hard work, time and burning through a great deal of cash gaining a sense of what's going to actually work for me. Nevertheless, I have persevered and continued to apply myself.

The other day, during a conversation with one of my online business mentors, I mentioned that despite offering classes in New York City for over ten years, my work in the city had largely disappeared. I went on to explain, ‘It's quite common for people in New York City to have short attention spans, showing up and then disappearing,' and it's a fact. With few notable exceptions, this lack of continuity has consistently been my experience in New York City, both in my work and personal life. The only reason I stayed was to continue my training with Shifu Li Tai Liang in Taoist internal martial arts.

My business mentor then lit into me, stating that I complain too much and blame other people for what's not working in my life. I'm certainly willing to face my issues head-on, take responsibility when necessary, and do whatever it takes to address them. From my standpoint, I've faced some extraordinarily difficult challenges. I'm sure that I have, and I'm still flailing to some extent, yet I'm doing the best I can to address these issues with the understanding and resources I possess.

I have at times over the past year, vented some frustrations, which I feel is normal when faced with such difficult circumstances. Her partner, at one point when I expressed similar frustration, said to me, ‘It's all in your head.' I found his responses to me to be grossly insensitive and incredibly invalidating. It certainly doesn't help matters at all. If anything, it initially made me feel worse about my situation.

I've spent some time reflecting and meditating on it. On one hand, I think it has to do with their own belief in the Law of Attraction. I feel there is some validity to the Law of Attraction, and yet I also feel that much of it is questionable. It's much easier to believe in the Law of Attraction when you're living in the reality bubble of the United States, where circumstances are more supportive. After having spent considerable time in India, Sri Lanka, and other parts of the world, having friends from many other countries, and knowing the realities they and their friends and family face, it's not so easy to buy into the Law of Attraction. The problem with Law of Attraction in these instances is that you deny people's lived experience. You're also denying their authentic emotional responses.

No. I don't see it as blame. Yes, I am complaining …expressing my frustrations. That's part of acknowledging the reality I'm faced with. In this case …that my reality has changed. I'll bring these realities and their many variables into the forefront of my awareness and breathe into them. I'll also breathe into the sadness, grief, fear, frustration or any other emotions that arise. Digesting my lived experience and my subsequent emotional response helps me to let go of what's not or no longer working and to find the resources within needed to adapt.

Adapting to a Changing World

In the 1990s, when I initially arrived in Boston, a friend arranged a radio interview and a corresponding speaking engagement for me. The phones started ringing incessantly with calls flooding in not just during the interview but for days afterward, quickly filling up my schedule.

My practice largely sustained itself during those years. I occasionally did additional radio interviews and speaking engagements. Referrals came my way more frequently, and I continued working with many of the same individuals indefinitely, often for years. In many instances, the presenting issues had made significant progress or had been resolved, yet these individuals continued their work with me because they consistently experienced improvements in their health, relationships, and other aspects of their lives.

Everything started to change as people became more and more distracted by their smartphones, social media, and other forms of digital entertainment. As holding people's attention became more challenging, I found myself having to offer classes on a weekly basis in New York City and every other week in Boston. It was exhausting, but it allowed me to sustain my practice.

Forming any kind of lasting romantic relationship has also been a challenge in New York City. Despite my best efforts, with notable exceptions, I found it incredibly difficult to connect. Most of the women I had some romantic involvement with ghosted me. I initially felt that it was something about me and blamed myself. Fortunately, I had the opportunity to travel and spend time in other parts of the United States and the world. I was seeing someone in Ohio for a few months, then in Tokyo and over the years, I've been in relationships with two women in Sri Lanka. These long distance relationships had their challenges, but it was far better than having no one in my life, which would have been my reality if I stayed in New York City all the time.

In both of these examples, I would bring my reality, along with the pain, fear, frustration and any other feelings that surfaced to the forefront of my awareness. I would then breathe into all the feelings and sensations. Although I still struggled, by working with this practice, I was gradually provided with the valuable insights and resources needed to adapt and come up with solutions that actually worked for me.

The Importance of Acknowledgement and Validation

I have, over the years, worked with thousands of people individually and many more in group settings, with many facing extraordinary challenges in their own lives, some deeply traumatized. They often share details of their current situations, the challenges they're facing, past traumas, and other deeply wounding events, as well as how these experiences have and continue to impact them emotionally and in their lives.

I believe that acknowledgment and validation are incredibly important and serve as the starting point for healing. My aim is for them to feel seen and heard, to understand that I empathize with their lived experiences, their perspective, and how they're feeling. From this foundation, we determine effective ways to address these issues. Even when they do enter dark and destructive spaces or complain bitterly, I do what I can to acknowledge their suffering and move them to a more resourceful space.

During the individual sessions, when they open up to share their struggles and the more vulnerable parts of themselves, I'll acknowledge what they're going through by verbally affirming their concerns and the emotions that are surfacing. In these instances, I want to bring the challenges and emotions fully out into the open.

I'll then guide them through a meditation practice suited for these kinds of challenges. I encourage them to bring their concerns to the forefront of their awareness, visualize the people involved, and immerse themselves in the circumstances, facing their challenges directly. I'll then have them breathe into any feelings or bodily sensations that arise. Working with this practice enables them to process difficult emotions, gain a more objective perspective on their circumstances, devise creative and workable solutions, and effect meaningful changes in their lives.

For some individuals, progress is rapid. Deep emotional wounds heal, they feel lighter, freer, gain tremendous insights, and come up with workable solutions in just a few sessions or experience a dramatic turnaround within days or a few weeks.

For others, the traumas and other emotional wounds are more deeply entrenched. In some instances, people are faced with difficult or challenging circumstances that don't change overnight. It may also be a combination of the two. In these instances, I've learned the value of patience. Gradually building a stronger foundation and resources over time to eventually reach a much better place, even if it takes months or years. The key is persistence, keep moving forward, no matter how long it takes.

I didn't receive much validation during my upbringing. In fact, family members were not in any way supportive, constantly dictating what they believed I should do with my life and attempting to thwart my efforts. I've acquired numerous practical skills of great value from my business mentors that I will continue to apply going forward. They have both been incredibly supportive of the achievements I've made over the past few years. They give a lot and I know they genuinely care. And yet they don't comprehend some of the challenges I'm facing and its impact on me emotionally.

Developing online programs and the work required to market them can be an incredibly challenging process that puts one in touch with their deepest vulnerabilities. It has forced me to go far beyond the limitations that had previously held me back and to develop a whole new range of capabilities. Friends who know what I'm going through have been supportive. For the most part, I've had to turn inward to find that sense of acknowledgment, validation, and the strength to carry on.

This is an important lesson for so many of us. It could be our mentors, parents, spouse, romantic partner, sibling, friends or other important individuals. These people play an important role in our lives and yet everyone has their limitations. Recognizing and acknowledging these limitations can save us a lot of grief, frustration, and disappointment. It can also help us to be more accepting. Maybe it's wishful thinking, but I like to feel that most people are doing the best they can with the understanding and resources available to them. No one can be all things to us. We're no longer children and therefore it's up to us to strive to become more self-reliant by developing the capacity to meet our own needs.

When faced with adversity, setbacks, and hardships, we may feel confused, overwhelmed, upset, frustrated, angry, and discouraged. Initially, we might even complain or need to vent our frustrations, upset, and grief. At times, we encounter people, situations, and circumstances that reflect our own limitations, eliciting emotions and memories from places we'd rather avoid and feelings we'd rather not experience. This is why we sometimes deny or disconnect from these aspects of ourselves, but it's crucial to acknowledge and fully experience them if we are to ever heal.

Personally, I've ventured into some very dark places when confronted with seemingly insurmountable challenges. It's my way of connecting with and opening up to the deeply vulnerable parts of myself. We must be able to acknowledge and become fully present with these parts of ourselves if they are to ever heal.

It's imperative that we acknowledge our challenges and our current reality. Even though we give it our all, circumstances may not necessarily work in our favor, and we may initially lack many of the resources needed to effectively address these challenges. However, we must put ourselves out there with the resources we possess and exert ourselves to the fullest, even if we find it extraordinarily difficult.

There are times when venting our feelings is necessary. Articulating the challenges we're facing can help us to bring the issues that need to be addressed into focus. But it's not in anyone's best interest to continue to vent indefinitely. Habitual venting can become toxic real fast, taking us into a destructive spiral.

In years past, I sometimes persisted in venting my frustrations without knowing how to effect change in myself or my circumstances. Gradually, I became more aware of how I was reinforcing my emotional wounds and making my circumstances more intractable. I learned to interrupt this pattern by asking myself, ‘What are the deepest feelings behind all those thoughts, the drama, or situation?' I would embrace the struggle and then delve into the depths of what I was feeling, breathing softly and deeply. Working with gifted healers and going through the vision quests helped me break through many of my own barriers and develop the resources I needed. From there, I continued to apply myself, relentlessly pursuing my objectives.

Many people attempt to jump over the emotional component. They avoid acknowledging or experiencing these deeply vulnerable parts of themselves. It's crucial to understand that once you acknowledge your feelings and then allow yourself to fully experience or digest them, it creates a space where transformation becomes possible. From this space, genuine progress can be made.

Navigating the Everchanging Landscape of Our Lives

It's no longer feasible for me to hold the in-person events that I had relied upon to reach people for years. On one hand, that's very disconcerting, but on the other, it can lead to bigger and better possibilities. The current reality necessitates that I explore different avenues. I'm gradually building my YouTube channel. Some creators experience rapid growth, but for most, it's an ongoing process that requires years of hard work and consistency. The other options are live streaming and getting on other people's podcasts. Each presents its own sets of challenges.

There's always the possibility when live streaming of misspeaking or saying things I wish I hadn't said. Guests that I have invited have sometimes shown up unprepared. I felt as though I was having to carry the show on my own, basically having a conversation with myself because the guest didn't have much to add. One guest failed to answer questions on the topic that we agreed to address in advance. At one point, he interrupted me right as I was asking him a question about the topic of the interview. I have since come to realize that it's better for me to record; that way, I can always go back and edit. Going forward, I can save myself considerable embarrassment by not posting a recording if a guest shows up unprepared.

I slowly started reaching out months ago to get on other people's podcasts, and now the momentum is accelerating, and yet I'm finding it quite challenging. First, I have to familiarize myself with their podcasts by listening to see if what they're presenting is worthwhile. And then there's all the additional time and effort involved in messaging the podcast hosts.

Many of the hosts I message aren't responding. I sometimes wonder if they're not receiving my message, if there might be some prejudice, or if my social media following isn't large enough. Who knows? At this point, I have to continue messaging hosts whose podcasts align with what I have to offer and see who bites.

Some hosts are probably overwhelmed by the dearth of messages they're receiving from potential guests wanting to appear on their podcasts. I get the sense from some that they haven't really looked over the material I sent that would enable them to determine if I'm a good fit for their show. In some ways, it's similar to people submitting resumes and getting no response. Who knows if these resumes are given serious consideration.

Podcasting has definitely become its own weird universe. Some hosts, primarily concerned with boosting their following, largely book guests who come with their own substantial following. That's largely accounts for the fact that we see many of the same well-known guests on multiple podcasts.

As I'm listening to all these podcasts, I am experiencing a degree of sensory overload. I'm also discovering some incredibly good content. I'm especially impressed by the depth of insight and understanding of some of the psychotherapists, psychiatrists, physicians, and individuals who have faced and overcome seemingly insurmountable odds. But I also find that the realm of ideas, concepts, and intellectual understanding has its limitations.

I've spent years training with a traditional Native American doctor (medicine man) … far more powerful and effective for addressing the emotional wounding that many struggle with and a wide range of health-related issues. A friend of mine the other day said, “There's a power and depth to this work that doesn't exist anywhere else.” Yes, that is definitely true, but most people have no knowledge of these healing traditions.

So yes, in some ways, it feels weird. It can at times be incredibly disappointing, frustrating, and even hurt at times. It can also be wonderful when I do connect with hosts with whom I truly resonate. I just have to keep putting myself out there. As I say… “Reach those you can. Entertain the rest.”

When these podcast hosts and others who can help me to reach more people do not respond, it does elicit frustration, sadness, disappointment, and other uncomfortable feelings, it's important for me to fully acknowledge my experience and all the emotions involved, bringing them into my awareness and breathing into these feelings. As I do so, I find it easier not to personalize the lack of response and other weirdness. The important thing is that I continue processing my experiences along with my subsequent emotional responses, and I keep reaching out. I see it as a marathon, understanding that it may take some time, possibly years, for me to gain traction in this next stage of my journey.

How Does All This Apply to You?

We're all faced with challenges of one form or another. It's easy to become frustrated, to feel disappointed, give up, and retreat. But it's important for each of us to get a sense of what most inspires us and then be taking constructive steps on a daily basis to pursue our passions.

As I mentioned previously, circumstances are not always going to work to your advantage. That's going to elicit all kinds of uncomfortable emotional responses. In addition, you'll probably encounter a lot of internal resistance.

A lot of people are struggling financially, some working two or more jobs, others working and going to school, and many working while raising children. They don't have a lot of support or encouragement, and often find themselves struggling largely on their own.

It's important for you to fully acknowledge the challenges you're facing along with your authentic emotional response. Bring the situation, circumstances, issues concerning you, and any person or people involved to the forefront of your awareness. Notice any feelings or bodily sensations that arise in response. Bring your full awareness to the parts of your body where you're experiencing these feelings and sensations. Breathe softly and deeply while fully immersing your awareness in the depths of these feelings and bodily sensations.

Sometimes you may feel like giving up and walking away, especially when dealing with day-to-day stresses and frustrations. Dive into the sadness, disappointment, or any other feelings that arise. Breathing from the depths of any feelings and bodily sensations will help you to “digest” the struggle along with your subsequent emotional responses. That will help to dissolve much of the internal resistance that impedes your progress. It will also help to boost your momentum.

Every day, it's essential for each of us to pause and reflect on our most significant aspirations. As you persist in your pursuit of these goals, you'll naturally cultivate greater resilience. It's important to acknowledge that not every endeavor will yield the desired results, but by taking action, you set a positive flow in motion. Sometimes your efforts will yield immediate and expected results. In many instances, you will find that the energy you invest returns to you from unexpected sources.

©Copyright 2024 Ben Oofana. All Rights Reserved. This content may be copied in full, with copyright, creation and contact information intact, without specific permission.

If you feel inspired by what I'm sharing in this article, don't hesitate to contact me with any questions you may have. Additionally, we can arrange a session where I can personally guide you through these practices. The most profound results often emerge from in-person sessions, so if you believe I can assist you in your healing journey, please feel free to reach out and schedule a free 30 minute Challenge Resolution Session .